MiracleBUS

Merciful Father

2011-10-10T16:59:00.002+08:00

Last night, I asked Polo about the things that make me upset. I had said the main thing that upsets me before I asked to make sure that he understood. He then said, "when I shout at night or in the morning, when I wake up Nicolo, when I don't pack away my toys, when I throw my toys...." and many more things. I was surprised. I wanted to stop him but I just kept on asking him. He knows. then, I imagine myself an ogre... :( All I wanted to tell him was I get upset when doesn't follow my instruction.

I told him then that being makulit is not a problem. He can be makulit but he only follow instruction and we are cool. I remember a nephew telling me as well that I was so strict!

I want to teach my children to do things properly but at the same time not to rob them of their child like ways. I feel bady today and yet I am not sure what to do. I also want to empower and equip them but not to discourage. To learn how to respect but not to fear people esp the ones with authority. I want to discipline them but not to cripple their self image. And above all, I want them to learn how to love.

I dont know what to do. I am hurt that maybe I am hurting my son's emotional health. I dont know. I know this is all part of parenting and it is surely not easy. How can I separate my own experience as well to their experience but not everything was wrong but how can I check myself.

I want to be a cool dad but to make sure that they are disciplined. I dont know.

Triumphs

2011-08-24T15:04:00.003+08:00

August 22 Monday:
Out of the blue, somebody out of the office gave me an affirmation about how I am working. It felt good and made me smile.
After several minutes, an executive of our company congratulated me and my boss for our contribution that led to a great deal for the organization.
Lunch time, we celebrated a partnership that my company has been trying to woo for years and finally has signed.
I received a msg from my brother about his current job and it made me smile because I know it is something that he truly like doing.
Our friends are willing to help us on Thursday w/c was a dilemna for us and now they are God sent.
Lastly, I got home and see my lovely wife and two adorable happy kids.

August 23, Tuesday
there were other good things that had happened but above them all, I met our filipino friend and for the first time I was able to share my/our struggles in Luxembourg (and we spoke in Tagalog) and how for the first time was able to share my faith with somebody else. It was a great blessing.
Oh, I stepped out of the office early because for the fact that we need to get out of the building because of some electrical installation. That was intervention alright. Because if not, I would have stayed a little bit longer and might have missed seeing my friend above. Who would thought?? :)

Praise God!

Oh, it's me!

2011-08-23T15:51:00.001+08:00

Too bad I missed so many days and have not written for quite awhile. I went through an xtreme ride and I wasn't able to capture my thought while going through a rough one. Hi and low and around. It felt like I was pushed to the wall so much that my guts were about to come out. Painful, stressfull and awful.

I dont say I am a good writer but writing is one of my ways to cope with stress. And that was a problem in the process of going through a whirlwind, I lost my self in the process. Maybe also it was time to get out of my comfortzones thus I experienced those. I will take it. I felt raw emotions. Fear. Frustrations. Anger. Doubt. Tensions. All ingredients of an internal TNT explosives.

I was trying to reach out for someone. (Good thing I have a wonderful wife). I guess everybody just see the what it seems an "easy" life for us. I beg to differ. We still experience suffering and trials. At the end, nobody responded and maybe 1. they cant believe me that I was really suffering. 2. Do not know how to help me 3. I looked ungrateful considering the life we have now. 4. It was our decision afterall to be away from everybody so deal with it.

Well, what can I say..... I think everything will pass by eventually. Like now, I feel better. It is just in those low points that sometimes I want others to see me also as having a down point.

But ok. In a proper perspective sans emotion, I believed and trusted that God was and is with us. He performed several miracles in my work. I have never been so dependent on Him. I prayed whenever I can. Not for Him to take me out but for me to be able to endure this. He was there alright!

to be continued.....

Manila 2011

2011-04-23T02:57:00.002+08:00

Who would thought that I would be back in the Philippines this year? Ah, my Philippines my beloved country but not my home. Home is where your family is... Strange that instead of feeling the nearness of the destination in the plane's flight update, I can only distance apart from my family. How far I am to them and it triggers sadness that I have never felt before. Family.

Really, I have asked God several times why we are in Luxembourg. What he wants me to do and what we have to do. I was thinking that there might be a grand mission or something but all the time the message is just the same. Family. Be the father that I am ought to be. A husband that I am being molded to be and a family member. But most of all the first one, be a father. I needed to worry too much about work or about how we will survive in Luxembourg or what the future we will have. It isn't my concern as God has already promised that we will basically be ok and that He is with us. With that, it means more than the four words but it is simple as that. God is with us. I only have to strive to be the best Christian father to my children. That's all. That's all, Lord? Is it just me? but based on my personal experiences with God's messages, I submit myself to this. I will be a father.

I miss my family so much and I cant imagine that I can love like this. It is so strong. So alive. Praise God and I thank God for letting me feel this way.

Well, the title has nothing to do with the substance. It is just a title to remind me that I am here in Manila and it meant that I am missing my family. My family. My mission in life.

Nothing to write

2010-07-06T05:13:00.002+08:00

I didn't like the strategy. It was not thorough. Now, I have to do something about it. I dont like it at all. But, yeah.. take ownership. There can be several issues in a company and you will get to know them. Sometimes, all of them. You may get an idea on how to solve one or two.. then go ahead and give and share your ideas. No issues. It will become an issue if these "resolutions" your primary objectives everyday and you tend to set aside your real job. That's a problem in itself. Trying to solve a problem but you became a problem. Not good. Or sometimes, the issue is bigger than you which would need a lot of consideration, planning and management support then instead of just putting your feet to work... try talking to your boss first and see how they see things. I've learned that sometimes, big bosses know some critical information that make sense for something that doesnt make sense at first glance.

My point is. First, know why you are in that position. Your true real job. That's the priority then support the team especially if you yourself will benefit in the process so at the end you are still doing your job. The dangerous thing to do is to beinvolved in something that is out of your function without the go signal from your line manager. Be Careful. No matter how pationate you are in this virtual project.. it is not the reason why you got hired. Focus.

I still have a lot to learn that's for sure. I understand the language but still I need to know the processes, get information, understand the organization, and see how the leaders are doing it. Have an open mind and allow yourself to teach others as well.

Tomorrow, I will bring Polo to the creche. That's a new activity for me here in Luxembourg. I will send him there and leave him for three hours. Getting him on board a system, which even in the Philippines would apply. So, it is nothing extraordinary. Though, in Manila, I am sure that we ask his Yaya to wait for him until he finishes his class. Here, it is different. Teach them to have their own world and introduced them to other children. So, he will make friends now. Exciting life ahead of you, Polo. Same with Baby Nicolo. :) Go boys! Your parents will support you all the way! we will have disagreements, successes, frustrations, victories, disappointments, happy activities.. everything. We will experience and face everything as a family. :) Go boys!! woohooo!!!!

Swimming in Summer

2010-07-05T06:19:00.002+08:00

Today is a new day. I want to go to work at 8am. That's it. I like it and I will get into the habit of going to office that early. No issue. No chance for politics. At least in that aspect. But people who go to work early has that psychological advantage (just my opinion). You are settled early. You feel fresh. You come in first. You can go home early without caring of what others might say because they can not take it against you. So many rather than being in a hurry. Coming in last. Then, at the same time, time seems to run faster when you arrive late. Ok. But I am not late at 9am if we talk about company policy. 9am is acceptable then go home at 6pm. but for me it is late.Thoughe everybody say it is ok to come what ever time you want.. but i know people will start noticing it. I dont like it. So cut it short, I will just go to work early.

That is just my personality. I work through momentum. Sometimes, it takes a while. I mean I am not at my best if I start with my work right away. I need a little bit of momentum so I can tackle the big issues. That's why I dont like back to back mtgs in the morning. It confuses my momentum. Others strive in getting their hands dirty right away, while I need to prepare myself and then I have no issue getting my hands dirty also.

Today, we had lunch in an itallian restaurant. Great food. Quite hot because there is no aircon but the food compensates for that. After eating, we went to Quick for a cup of coffee and to let Polo play in the indoor and outdoor playground. I see myself in Polo sometimes. He wants to play but sometimes he stops himself when he sees other kids playing.He can just sit patiently and wait for the kids to leave. Poor Polo. I dont think he will have a public playground all for himself. He just cant. I wanted to push him. Or even accompany him but I can't. Im not allowed and at the same time, I let him handle this situation. Ok, that's like me. I mean throw me i a crowd and I will not mind if I dont mingle with others. I will not get bored or concious. I cant patiently wait until I am ready or if someone approaches me. But, if there is no intervention, I could probably go home without talking to anyone. Wow. Yeah, I am that and sometimes I can see where Polo got his social behavior though I never told him to be like that. I even sometimes encourage him to play with others. Though, I know that he will get over it. Like me. Also, especially now that he will be in a day care, he will now be exposed to other kids at least and by himself. Good for him. Go Polo! Im excited to meet his first friend in Luxembourg. A friend he made not because of us. Not because, the kid's parents are our friends and they end up being friends. But here, he will meet kids of his age and become buddies.

He is indeed growing up. I can't believe it is so fast. He is now 3 years old and 4 months. Wow! Everybody even thinks he is actually 4 yrs old because of how he talk and his height.

After Quick, we went home just to change clothes and off we went to a nearby indoor swimming pool. What a great location to live! We are blessed. We can run outside, bike, play basketball, football, tennis, etc etc.. and then swimming. We can swim everyday if we want to.

Baby Nicolo is coming to town very soon!!!! :)

Another development sad but also good

2010-07-04T01:32:00.002+08:00

The boys are left at home. Naturally, Polo cried seeing his mum leaving without him.But, we've been through it so I didn't panic. A chocolate can soothe anything indeed.Plus ice cream and some chips then a nice funny movie. There, he isn't crying anymore.

Then, we spilled the ice cream, chips and coffee on the carpet... hahahaha.. just minutes after the mommy has been away.. here we are boys. messy messy..

Bad and good with my former team. It was inevitable and it started happening since the day he said yes to the position. He had chances to evolve and develop the needed skills but from our eyes and most of the people around.. he didn't. So, here he is. He had to go. Though, maybe it was also good for him. He is a millionaire so not to much worries financially unless he has huge debts. He can go back to his core competencies and succeed. He can get more money and apply somewhere or maybe he will be offered a position that he can succeed. He should have asked for help. The stress I imagined maybe was too much for him for so many years. So this is kinda good also. Freedom. Not the way he wanted it to end but it should happen. He will be okay. Good for hima and good for the company as well.

As for me, I realize that we really have to continue evolving and learning and be aware of why you have and what other skills you need. Self awareness. Self inventory. Especially if you are assigned a new job or has been promoted for sure there are always room for improvement and learning. Continuous.

6 items in one day

2010-07-02T05:55:00.002+08:00

It was stressful but I liked it. It wasn't perfect still I liked it. I was grilled and scutinized. yup, Iliked it. I was challenged and I liked the adrenalin rush perhaps. But I think I will be careful next time on how projects I should present. For me, it was too much that the quality suffered. Though, I felt it was necessary. Well, that will be my life now in Vodafone so I welcome it.

I just changed my car. From the Mercedez Benz B180 to Ford Mondero(?). I was surprised that I felt a little attachment with the Benz. It was the first car I have driven in Europe. The benz I may say. I was already comfortable with it and it has brought us safely to so many places. But, I think it isn't big enough to fit all stuff of my kids. That's the first decision I made for baby Nicolo. To be honest, of course, I would want to drive a Benz vs a Ford. There is a prestige attached to it whether it shared by others or completely just mine but the thought of two strollers, two car seats, lots of bags, plus groceries from time to time made me realized that the benz was really too small. It was like our Honda City and we used it when Polo was born and we brought our clothes to Marikina with that car plus Polo's baby things. It was really really packed.

I dont want that anymore and I want my boys and wife to be comfortable as much as possible. There is a time for struggles, discomfort but if it isn't needed then why force the issue. I am just concerned that I have never driven a car like this ever. The Tucson was a first as well so I can manage.

I cant think of topics that could be interesting to write here. The fact that it is also 12 midnight made it harder. But I think starting to write again whether it has value or none, it still a good start. I want to go back and write and write again.

Ok. Got to go.

Our new life.

2010-06-30T06:06:00.003+08:00

Time has passed. Many things have happened. From me struggling but enjoying my early career life in Smart, living and learning a Christian life, being with Josephine and learning to love each other more then deciding to get married, moving up the ladder, a miscarriage, living with in-laws, having Polo, getting promoted, then here we are in Luxembourg and I'm a manager of one if not the biggest Telco group in the world. Wow. indeed. Praise God.

From Marikina to Makati to Paranaque and now to Walferdange Luxembourg. Life is not stopping. Literally. We will have baby Nicolo joining this simple family very very very soon.

Sad. I lost most of my journals in the flood. Now, this blog that I kept for many years is the only one that keeps what I have been through, what I going through and what I will go through. Somehow. My life keeps on moving. I can read it here. C'est ici! I am thankful. so much. to God. He is the reason for everything.

We are blessed. I am blessed. I have Josephine first of all. Then Polo and then Baby Nicolo. I have a wonderful job that can support us and our families in the Philippines and in the USA. I don't mind really. We just need to manage our finances and somehow, we are learning and enjoying it.

I know and accept that it was different when Polo was about to be born. Yeah, we were like doing everything to accept our first child. It is different now with Nicolo. Gone were the crazy preparation. We know already a thing or two about birth and caring for new born. Of course easier to say but actually we are more relaxed. But the circumstance then was different from today. I believe baby nicolo will have a different experience. He will have the full attention of his mother. A great team of doctors. Modern hospital. Free birth. He will receive allowances from the government. Of course, he is the only Agustin to be born in Europe! Wow. Amazing for him. I am excited for him and even Polo for the opportunities that they can have here. I do pray for guidance that we will be able to lead them to the right direction. In God's name, I claim we will.

I seldom write here. I can blame facebook because I usually spend my surfing hours in it and by the time I feel I should write something on my blog, the interest has left me. Maybe also, I don't feel so much stressed and there is nothing to expressed in written form whether to pick my self up, to see things differently, to vent, to just free my self from any negative feelings, to share positive events as well, my thought etc., etc.,

Yes. I feel better and fulfilled that I dont see any reason to complain or any reason to be sad, depressed etc., Probably, it is time to reach out. I am healed and well taken care of, then I need to stretch my self and be of service to others. Not just with our family but even to total strangers.

Everyday, I thank God for his goodness.

Fully Booked

2010-01-31T17:51:00.002+08:00

I always find myself going inside a bookstore everytime I'm in mall. Not clothes, watches or accessories or shoes or gadgets but books triggers a strong positive feeling within me. It makes me feel alive and inspired (church of course provokes a more powerful feeling). The downside... It is addicting and I have to control myself from buying books (as if I can really do that). I made a pack that I will not buy it unless I finish what I am currently reading. Right now, I'm reading two books, the success principles and parenting by grace. Good books.

I like to read though I cant claim yet that I am a book worm or even a good reader.

Yes, Lux im still here with Phil.

2010-01-29T16:51:00.002+08:00

I never questioned whether I made the right decision or not. I knew and still believe it is. Everything that is happening now is for its fulfillment. It is really just not that easy waiting especially now the Im out of job and financial worries start to creep in. I dont worry if I will have the job or not. Again, it is the waiting that is making me feel crazy.... We've prayed every single step and followed instructions. So, I know we are just doing fine but I never imagined that waiting could this be tormenting. Everything happens for a reason and here I am immersed totally in this moment of unending thinking. What good came out in this stage.

1. 100% Polo. i think this will be the only time of my life I will be able to enjoy every waking moment and doing activities with and for Polo. Having breakfast with him. Playing and watching tv. Having lunch. Bathing him. Being there when he wakes up and calling my name. Singing and dancing. Going out to parks and playgrounds. Talking with him as if he is already a big boy. Of course, receiving his kisses, hugs and most of all hearing him say that he loves me. Seeing him smile, laugh and even cry. Hearing his funny uncomprehensible stories... And so much much more.

Before I resigned, I think this was on top of my mind. To establish that connection with my first son before we embark to the greatest adventure of our your young family life. By default, he is already that close to his mother and Im sure once we are in Luxembourg their relationship will be nourished more. So I still have to secure him of his place in my life and not leave time to tell him how much he means to me. Yes, it will go on wherever we are but I want to start it right, right now. See, somehow I got to know him better. He already has his own personality and I'm happy that he can already say what he wants and whatt doesn't interest him. Simple things but meaningful. He knows when he wants to do things his way or when he needs helps. Im proud of him.

His Yaya just had 3 wks of vacation, which gave me exclusive time to attend to all his needs. How happy I am that I can bring him to the mall without anyone. It is possible and achievable and rewarding! Father and son time. One of my visions before. And when the other kid comes out, I will find time to spend alone with him or her. I will let him/her know special he/she is to me. My two kids and a beautiful, kind, intelligent wife. Blessing indeed.

2. No Helper means I had to do some house duties.

I think my training in helping out during my growing up years helped me to be sensitive and accept the fact that I have to be a part of the working crew. No sweat. Mopping the floor, washing the dishes, ironing (polo's) clothes, cooking, sweeping, waking up for the garbage truck, running errands, etc., I think these are not too much and considering that this duty is just temporary. A humbling experience and funny that sometimes it triggers negative and unwanted emotions, which is still good since I had time to reflect why I was feeling that way.

Jopay's Mom's world revolve around these everyday for so many years already. It ain't easy. Or maybe because I'm not used to it. Maybe. But I've learned to appreciate and respect what she has done. Sometimes we tend to forget their roles that when we get home we expect to get this and that, eat this or that, we justify that we are tired and deserve some relaxing time BUT being at home and actively making sure that everything is clean and we have warm food to eat are not easy man. It is also tiring and stressful at times.

We will be in Europe. A western country where you do things on your own. Rich and poor alike. Unless, you are willing to pay for a price. Asians are accustomed to having helpers around. There is merit but at the same time, it deprives you of some basic lessons and skills. First, if they can do it, why can't we? A chance to teach kids to help in the house and do not grow up feeling privileged or too entitled.

I guess this is a refresher course for me then. Getting ready specially that Josephine is pregnant.

3. No work related stress.

Wow! No revenue to think about. No plans or goals, no customer complaints, no meetings, no bosses, no gossips or politics.... Of course, I will have to deal with these things very soon but for now, I am happy that I do not need to think too corporate. Rest. Simplifying my life. I'm happy too that I have not gained weight so far. I plan to lose at least 10lbs more starting tomorrow. I have been eating oatmeal and I hope I'm getting something good about it because it really taste awful. I've learned not to eat too much and my body isn't craving for anything except coffee. That is an exception. I'm healthy. I do want to be healthy and be with my children physically in their activities. I do not need to be awake early in the morning just to finish a rush report or analysis. I do not need to deal with people I dont like to work with. Just for now, later on, I will be ready with a smile.

4. Time for myself.

I thought I will have control of my time when January came. Our helper took a VL so there you go. I didnt want to be selfish but I just let myself be part of a family. Though, I had tome to read books, reflect and sometimes go out like right now but to be honest I miss my son. I will still choose to be with him. I just needed to do something and also grab this opportunity to spend some time with my wife. A date.

I need to have this time to reflect and plan. i will do just that.

Got to go

scaredy cat

2010-01-13T11:32:00.000+08:00

There are so many twists in every turn. Im exhausted mentally and emotionally. Whew! Whew! Whew! In the name of pursuing a dream. You have to bleed and be tormented for awhile. It is quite a challenge and really difficult to manage. The process is long... Very long. Stay positive and keep the faith alive. That's all I can do for now. Fight. Fight. Fight. Yeah, giving up is always a thought that keeps only knocking on my door. But can I, really?

I have trusted God long enough and it will also be the same in this case. I will obey. Yes, Lord I am here. I will follow and simply obey. Go go go. My concerns and worries.. Take it Lord! We are in this together!

2010. A different beginning!

2010-01-01T21:41:00.004+08:00

Thank you 2009. It was challenging and we will take everything in it. Except the resentments, regrets, frustrations, failures, pains and everything that we will not need. Goodbye!

It's a new year and literally new for me. For us. For our little family. I will let excitement to slowly get out of the bag to help me battle any negative thoughts or other similar concerns. Be excited!

I wish to know and learn so many things in life. I am excited that I will be outside of my world and the adventures of my life will begin. Same goes with Josephine. We approach the horizon with great anticipation with eyes wide open. We become students of life once again. The whole world is our classroom. No time to define our limits but we are here to let our imagination conquer what our mind can think of.

It will be our first time to be alone as a family. To run a household by ourselves. To look after each other. To create a home and not just a house. A time to let our taste come out. Our personalities will be the main colors of our lives. We can try now and be free entirely of who we want to be and what we want to be. We can shape our future by our decisions. The right ones and even the mistakes we might make. Entirely our own. Independence. Interdependence. The Great Life. And then we still have families spread across different continents. But the best of all, WE HAVE JESUS WITH US WHERE EVER WE WILL GO. That's His promise that will not be broken for generations to come. In Him, we find our strength and courage.

Where will we begin? We start by praising our God and we ask the He will reveal to us His plans for us. Life is truly amazing. I am not afraid and I will move forward. New year. My eyes will open to a tomorrow of a different light. I will smile. I will kiss my wife. I will kiss my son. I will kiss our baby in the womb. I breathe and smile back to the Giver.

cool change. No. Freezing change

2009-12-24T16:25:00.003+08:00

Tired. Done with Christmas shopping. I was the designated shopper as Josephine would just like to take it easy. I am not sure which is easier. Driving during Christmas season or shopping!!! Both I believe have the same level of craziness. Imagine. More than an hour had passed while i was inside the chaotic world of greenhills AND I still didnt know what to buy. The longer I stayed the more stressful it was for me. Moral lesson. Let your wife shop and do not complain. She is happy doing it while you can spend time in a coffee shop waiting for her. Shopping is both an art and a science. Especially math!

My work permit is on its way. A visa then off we go. I still can't absorb what is happening. Imagine. I AM NOT WORKING IN SMART anymore. Freaking weird. Sad because I might not be able to see my friends there anymore. Though, thank God FB was created. Precisely for this purpose. I am truly grateful that I spent more than eight years there where multi tasking is practised seriously. Part of the culture. Well, to be honest I can't see myself working more than 10 years in Smart but I never thought that I will not reach ten. Thank you truly. I can say that I have given my best there. I know that I also contributed. It is just the right thing. Work, serve and be paid and received other incentives.

But for a couple of years, my attitude has changed. I felt I wasn't learning anymore. I was looking for something beyond financial satisfaction. I wanted to learn. I knew it is something personal but i felt the struggle. I wasn't getting any inputs anymore while I was still stretched. I sensed that this struggle was starting to affect my values in work. I was fighting but I remained uninspired. To work excellently but unmotivated isn't an ideal scenario. I was there for my staff. I was happy sharing whatever I know about our job but that's about. I hated the fact that we had to endure three hours of meeting every other week, we had so many thing going on and yet a big portion of our activity has no impact in our goal. We were so disorganized! Always engaged in putting out fires instead of cultivating soils for growth. We were like a ship going in circle in a storm because we can not see the lighthouse. It has been like that. I wanted to help and be part of a change. I guess somebody threw an anchor and its weight is too much to bear. (This is just how I see things and I could be wrong.)

I didn't expect to be given a chance to grow more somewhere so I thank God for this miracle. He had to pluck me out immediately because it wasn't healthy for me anymore. I really welcome and embrace this change. A breathe of fresh air. The risk of staying in Smart would be more challenging that what we could be probably encountering in a new environment. Again, I only speak for myself. I wasn't happy anymore and I wasn't growing, A change was needed and change it was. Nope. It was like I just jumped out and made a compulsive decision. We prayed and asked guidance from our love ones. We weigh everything and I guess everything is aligned to our wish as a family. It was God's gift for us that we follow and not because of my dissatisfaction. Because, if somehow we saw that it wasnt for us (through prayers and family's wisdom) then we wouldn't pursue it and we would still be in Smart.

I believe in God. He made all of this possible. So, I will learn to let go of Smart and when I look back I will see it as God's gift for us as well. He was the reason why I accepted to work in Smart after all.

Abe

2009-12-05T19:30:00.003+08:00

The food is great. One of the best in town. The service is exceptional as well. The problem is, this place is too crowded. Obviously, they maximized every square inch. I dont like it very much. I cant enjoy the good food without noticing how full this restaurant is. So uncomfortable for a claustrophobic person like me.

Trust in the Lord forever!

2009-12-04T16:02:00.000+08:00

This is exactly how it should be right now. I find it more challenging when you are waiting for something that is about to happen. You know, when something is so near but you don’t know when exactly it will happen. I want to see, smell and touch it. But there is this clear glass separating me from what I am waiting for. I want to do something to make it happen faster. Nope. There is really nothing to do but wait. Seated in a corner watching and waiting for things to unfold. From time to time, I do check if it is about to open. Waiting like waiting for your child to be born. It’s the 9th month and you know he is about to come any day soon. You can’t force it though. But patiently wait it to happen.

Then things just become more difficult as negative thoughts start to stir up your emotions. Emotions that will also challenge your mental toughness. You start to verbalize with so many what ifs or what will happen if. Pressure comes in and will try to pull you down but again… pressure can lift you up as well. It would depend where you want to be.

How to combat such negative thoughts? By faith and trust in the Lord and a lot of positive thoughts. This way, you will not give in to any negativity. It is a discipline. You can get such attitude overnight. It takes years to be positive and years of testing as well. BUT trusting in God can happen in an instant. By His grace, it can be done. Positive thoughts need practice and time for you to know if you have it. But to trust in God, you just need to pray and pray and pray and surrender everyday. God will shield you away from the negativity or anything that will try to put you down. Surrender to God.

I am not saying that you will not experience hardship or pains if you are with God. You will. Jesus Himself experienced it. Though, He also showed His full trust. He showed us the way. By doing so, we are saved.

Last night, I just woke up and I noticed immediately that I was having a mild panic attack. I can’t sleep. I was having trouble breathing as if the room is so cluttered. I went out of the room and tried to read a magazine. I still can not sleep so I decided to confront what it was that kept me awake. Obviously, it was my impending last day in SMART. That would December 15, 2009. Dooms day it seemed to me. You know, I will be without work and I have given up so much in terms of security. Basic salary, bonuses, incentives, car, gas allowance, free parking, medical insurance etc., Then God gently reminded me that I wasn’t giving up something for nothing. I just needed to wait for Him and allow Him to finish His plans for us. He also let me see what had transpired for the past months. It was Him who gave us direction and we decided to do things according to His instructions so why should I be worried? It was Him who showed me the different miracles and blessings that had happened while waiting like the “suspected asthma of Polo” which ended like that a suspected diagnosis but it wasn’t. That miracle happened instantly. Also the successful operation of Josephine and the biopsy was negative for any cancer cells. He was there alright.

After recalling these events, I read the reading for today and in the gospel Jesus asked the two blind men, “Do you think I can do this?” as if He was asking me directly if I can trust Him with this plan. I said, “Of course, Lord. You can do it. Nothing is impossible with You. I believe.” Praise God. After that I was able to sleep even though I was already hearing airplanes arriving which meant that it was already past 4am.

Yes, Lord. I put my full trust in You alone. Amen.

Faith to move a mountain

2009-11-23T16:40:00.006+08:00

If only you can control everything in your plans. There will always be "unexpected events" to challenge it. Sometimes it can wipe out every single bit of positive energy/outlook you have. This type can be too demoralizing and it will bite your confidence up to the bones. Not for the weak of heart and mind! It will give you restless nights and palpitating days. Then, there are nuances. Still it can ruin your certified gold plans. It is like it is not that important but you still have to consider them in your schedule of things. Some challenges are exciting because it triggers creativity or opens promises, which we all like to have. Among the three, I am definitely sure we all want the third type. But the greatest lesson is buried deep in the first type. It is not just to dig the treasure but you must also cover the holes properly. Otherwise, you might step into it.

As for me, there are several loopholes. But can you exercise faith if you are a "sigurista"? Everything I did here, I try my best to make sure that I'm guided by my true Boss. I pray and pray and read the bible. Yes, I'm fortunate that God is guiding me. I draw my strength from Him. It is like opening a complicated gadget. I am following every word in the guide provided. I don't skip anything. Sometimes there is a tremendous urge to assume some items. I simply ignore the temptation but just to remain patient. If there are 100 steps, I guess I'm already in the 80Th. Whew! It is near and yet I must be patient and not to fall into a trap of discouragement. Difficult level already. I guess I admit that this is the most difficult because I sometimes doubt if I made the right decision. That decision part is step 10 I think. That's too far to let affect step 80. That's the thing. Again, I draw my strength from God.

Stressful emotion is in the highest level right now or nearing the top. I'm confused. I'm supposed to be happy and not feeling afraid. My mind knows that but my heart is thinking more. Tsk tsk tsk... I'm worried. There are what ifs trying to control me. It isn't easy to just set it aside but a change in perspective can help a lot in managing this. First thing first, I must identify what is causing me to feel this way. Fear? Doubt? Loss? Adjustment? Undefined territory?

In the gospel today, a widow gave up her precious possessions. I am sure that before she let go of the two copper coins, she encountered so many questions in her mind, I am sure she also thought of her child and what they will eat. What made her gave up her everything when I'm sure God will understand if she didn't. She obeyed. Jesus saw her and acknowledged that she did the most noble thing . I am sure also that even if she has given up her only possessions, she left the place with a smile on her heart

God just acknowledged my sacrifice and told me to just let go. while, I am trusting Him, I am also like holding too tight and He is telling me to let Him do the wonders. By His grace, I will let go...

December blues

2009-11-13T15:05:00.007+08:00

It happened a long time ago. I was still too young to understand but I wasn't spared. It was quick and in a whiff of the wind something within me changed. I can feel its effect until today. I felt so sad. It was strong and it was the first time I felt that way. Sadness suddenly overwhelmed my young mind and heart. The thing is, I was too young to understand. There was no one beside me who helped me understand what I was going through.

I still feel it even today. Like the other day while walking alone in the street. The wind blew and it made me stared at a tree for a few seconds.Viola.. there it was. That feeling! I stopped and inhaled. I felt the little boy in me who experienced sadness for the first time. Even if I got sad, I just smiled and remember the good old days.

I was close to my cousins back then. My world revolved around them even if they were older than me. Kuya Paul, Kuya Noel and Ate Imelda. Yeah, they werent perfect but for a young boy I had no judgement. All I know was that I had fun with them around. Not only them of course. I also had other cousins and so our house was full of laughters, cries, mess and everything. I never felt different.

Then one day they left. I was caught unprepared. I didnt know what happened. But just one day they were packing and then they left for the airport. So they joined their parents in US. BAM!!! I just found myself all alone. I didn't know what I was feeling. I was in our once very noisy room but the whole house was too quiet that day and I can hear my heart beating so slow.

I still had Mamang then and at least as a lola's boy, I was still comforted of her presence and of her voice. But then one day, I dont know what month it was,she too migrated to US. I was left alone. Yes, I was with my family. Back then, I wasn't that too close with them and I still had so many issues. It was devastating.

In 1992, Mariel came into our lives. She was an angel sent from heaven. I was struggling with my studies and with my family when she came. Then there she was. She made me smile once again. It was the first time that a family member made me smile. Somehow her presence touched my heart and brought healing. With so many issues, I always run away and be with my friends to find comfort. Mariel changed it. I felt wanting to be by herside. Always. I got busy. I should've followed the desire of my heart to be with her as much as I could. I was already living away from my family then and I only see her once in a while. I was still spending too much time with my friends. Yes, that strong feeling helped me create time for her. I would picked her up on Saturdays and we be together in Makati just to have fun. We watched movies, read in powerbooks, eat, shop and at the end of the day I felt happy seeing her happy and contented as she would sleep on my shoulder going home. The following day, I would leave and she would say goodbye and she would ask me when will I go home again. It breaks my heart. As I walked away, I knew that she has taken over a portion of my being. She did.

That's why when they left for US in 2003, I was devastated. This couldn't be happening all over again. All these people have left me. I went with them in the airport and that was the last time I saw my sister Mariel. I waved goodbye and I knew then that it will not be easy to see her again. I also knew that I will miss her so much and I will never allow anyone to occupy her position in my life.

Six years have passed. Six long years. I have my own family now. I still respect that feeling my December blues because it reminds me of them. I understand also that many things have changed. Still. I love them. One day, I will see all of them. I hope God will help me visit them next year.

Yes, this year there will be another kind of sadness that will be introduced. This time, it will be us who are going to leave. Family and good friends will be left behind. But this time, I will not be alone. I will be with the two most important people in my life. My wife and my son.

I will see you next year America.

Latest Scoop in Marvinville Town

2009-11-12T14:07:00.007+08:00

How many posts do I have as of now? I think seven. What?!! I blame fb for this since I never had time to visit my blog anymore. The thing is, I am not that comfortable just sharing my thought in there unlike here. Also, only a few knows I have this account.

Because of the flood, I had to throw my journals. :( Years of reflections were washed off. I can only sigh. I thought in the future I will still have the chance to see what I've written. They are permanently gone now. Maybe I do not need to see it anymore. I still have this blog though. Four years old.

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Last year when me and my colleague were in Vienna, he asked me if I can see myself living in Europe. I said yes provided I am with my family. I love Europe. It has something that I can not easily explain. I've been to Europe two times already. I saw Belgium, France, Slovakia and then Vienna. It is formal which suits me. People seem not too friendly but that's only because not everybody you meet will say hello. But really, how can you label them as snobbish or something when you dont know the people or understand them at all. Anyway, I honestly am not that comfortable with people who are too friendly. :) That's why I love Europe. There is this personal space that people will respect. Also, Europe has been Europe for so long. I feel like all the things I want to learn are there and that's what excites me the most. Just one look at a building that has been standing there for so long already creates images in my mind. What has transpired there? How many people have gone through that place? Important events that happened in that building.

I remember preferring to walk going back to my hotel (not all throughout of course but maybe half of it). I didnt care. I like the feel of the cold air against my face. Being too small beside huge historical buildings. Walking along roads made of bricks. I like the smell of the surroundings. Old churches, castles and other monuments made me to stop and be at awe. I like it. When I was in America, I love it as well though I said I only like to spend a vacation but not to actually live there. Unlike in Europe. The first time I stepped and saw Belgium I felt it. I would loved to have a chance to live in Europe. Then to be in Paris and then Vienna just strengthen that longing. I am in love.

We can go to US if we want to since Josephine is an American so there is that big possibility. The thing is, I can not see myself (before and right now but who knows maybe in the future) living in US. But in Europe there is this feeling of just wanting to be there forever. :)

So that last year when my friend asked me if I can live in Europe, it was easy for me to say yes. The only consideration I had is that I would there with my family. That's it.

Fast forward. November 12, 2009. Wow! I am now just waiting for my work permit and my family and I will be moving to Luxembourg. It is near. It is within our grasp. Months ago when I learned that I got accepted, I naturally got excited. Who wouldn't?! Though, I also knew that it would still take several months to process everything so I had to control my excitement since I hate that strong feeling of wanting something but can't get it yet. As I have said, now it is a grasp away. Wow. It is so near and I am starting to get excited. Yes, I love to go there now. Yes, I can't wait. Whew! It can happen next month or maybe in January. All I care about is that our move is closer thant it was in July.

I am so happy and I am aware that there will be hardships, adjustments, maybe confusions and what have you. I have God though. :) So may family and I are confident that we will be ok. It is because God is on our side. I am not afraid because God will go with us. Very exciting indeed. Amen!

Extreme September

2009-10-03T11:02:00.002+08:00

September started with a lot of promises and when it begun we knew it would be great month. First week with a friend's wedding then the following another good friend tied the knot. We all went to Boracay which was very memorable becuse it was also the first of many things for our little boy. Being in airport thrilled him especially when he started seeing planes. Riding an airplane. Riding a bus. Riding a boat. Riding a zorb ball and finally his first in Boracay. It was a total bliss seeing everybody happy and relaxing under a hiding sun. It was even first to swim in pool while raining. Then we went home tired but satisfied and refreshed. The first half of September.

The second half. Polo's cough was getting worse every single day. He coughs every morning and we all wake up. We brought him to two pedias who said that it "could be". Hmmmmm, now it seems to me that they based it because of family history and that was their conclusion. Tsk tsk tsk... He didn't have a wheezing cough, which at least could have been a good indicator of asthma, he remains active and didn't just cough when he becomes so active. He is breathing properly. But then the two prescribed anti asthma meds. We followed. We had to wake him up at two and six in the morning. But then his cough didn't subside nor we notice any good effects after the nebulize session. It was tiring even for Polo. He wasn't cooperative at all so his sleep was disturbed everyday. No effect and the doctor suggested to nebulize him more and advised us to be prepared and buy anti asthma apparatus. Then one night his coughing was terrible and different. I was no doctor and we were afraid that it could an asthma attack so we gave him more dosage of nebulize as instructed. That didnt do the trick. His cough worsen. Coughing non stop. I decided to bring him to the ER because we were not equipped to handle asthma attack. Polo was still playful but coughing so it was weird. While driving it seemed ro us that he has trouble breathing because he can't cough. So so so stressful and to hear him say that he wanted to cough was so horrible for us. We really thought he cant breathe anymore. By God's grace, it led us to pray. We did and we asked God for instant miracle and his sickness isn't asthma, that I will drive safely and that the doctors are good natured. So funny that, Polo managed to make fun of his coughing so even he threw up it was for us an answered prayer. The ER doctors said it was asthma but because of the asthma meds, it made his throat so dry and that was the reason why he was coughing. Whew! No asthma. Praise God. He nebulized salinase and his cough stopped. We went home smile.

The third week

Luxembourg countdown

2009-09-25T20:21:00.004+08:00

Excited and worried. The clock is ticking and I'm starting to think deeper about our move to Luxembourg. It is going to happen in just a matter of two or three months and our lives as a family will change direction. What am I thinking? We are already comfortable here in Manila and both of us have stable jobs, we have the support of family and friends, familiarity of everything around us, we follow routines that make life easy and we have a community to spiritually guide us. What will happen soon?

We gave these up. It is not like we are desperate. I am sure we can live our lives with these comforts. We will go to a place where we do not know anyone. A very very very far country that in case we wish to go back and make us sane, it wouldnt be that easy. There will be no one to give us encouragement when we are burdened. Even the weather is extremely different from our tropical orientation. And talk about the languages that we need to learn. Three difficult languages french, german and luxemburgish. Or even the culture that we have to embrace and where we would see our son slowly making it his own. Raising a family will solely rest on us. We can not anymore depend on our family to help us. We can only bring what we have learned from them.

I see these but we have not nor will we change our decision. I have no doubt that we are doing the right thing. Not because, we figured it out or we have perfected our plans and details. Only because we are going there with God. He is with us. It is His grace that we have faith in Him.

Are we ready? No. But it will happen whether we are or not. I dont even think that we can even really say that we are ready. I can choose to let the worst thought overwhelm me but I choose to look at God. All the time. Praise be to God for His faithfulness and His love for us.

a little bit

2009-09-16T18:44:00.002+08:00

Work is a pressure cooker but do your best not to make you soft! Burst or hang on? I think pressure in work shouldn't kill you because at the end of the day it isn't your end all. For me, it is God first. If there is the pressure cooker, He is the one getting the steam off me. My family second. People can make me smile no matter who cruel my work day ended. To be embraced by a child and by a wife. Hmmmmm.. how refreshing, isn't it? Then my friends. These are the one who can sometimes absorb the pressure of the day. Let you vent out or critize anyone without hearing them judging you. It helps a lot to be able to share to people what you are going through.
Then, you with these I learn how to love my work. :) Sometimes, it acts as a glue to me me closer to God, family and friends. Then again, my work is God's blessings and gifts. It is better to be pressured because of work than be pressured because you dont have one.

Realization in September

2009-09-01T16:41:00.003+08:00

I have visited the Dentist five (5) times in a span of one month. I find that strange! Maybe it is about conquering my fears. I have never imagined that I would visit a dentist this much in my entire life. Tap tap tap! Good job Mr. Agustin. To be honest, the sight of a dentist makes me shiver inside. Even a simple procedure like cleaning is already a night mare for me. So, to finally agree to install braces for my teeth, cleaning, adjustment and a pasta for me are accomplishments that deserved to be applauded. Woohooo!

I've been asked by a Doctor to temporarily (at least four (4) weeks) to stop drinking coffee and other drinks and food that could worsen my stomach acidity. Apparently, I was already having a heart burn and all along I thought I just needed muscle relaxant. GERD was the initial diagnoses but she made go to the laboratory for an ECG. Whoa!! What is happening?! Of course, I was concerned. It was my heart that she wanted to check. I obeyed without question and without delay. I had the ECG and that same day I gave her the result of the ECG. Whew! Thank God. The result was normal and so it was GERD. BUT, yeah I still had a cup of coffee a day. Except for this day. My excuse? Excrutiating headache!! hahaahah.. But it is true and it is part of the effect for stopping coffee abruptly. Though, I already started drinking Tea and so far so good. Ok, lets see..

I went to the gym for a year and I've lost 15lbs! from 165lbs down to 150lbs. That's another feather on my cap. When I thought it can't be done, I did it. It wasn't easy. It was difficult and it did push me to the limit. Why? Cardio exercises like treadmill and cycling classes??? That was tough, man. I did though, I just saw my weight going down and it motivated me more. I also naturally had to support it with a disciplined diet. That's the formula. Always. No shortcut. Sweat it out and not to pig out. Eat in moderation though a day of just eating wouldn't hurt provided you know when to stop. I did it. I am happy about it.

We've sent Polo to playschool so he would at least have an idea what it is like being around other children and listening to teachers. It is all worth it. He is responding well and is well liked by his teachers. Next stop would be to enrol him to Kindermusic and French lesson as well.

I didnt obey God last year because I can't actually understand why He wanted me to study French. If only I obeyed. Why? Now, I need to learn French in 120 hours only. hahahaahaaahahaha... Goodluck. Imagine if I studied last year then for sure at least I can understand a little or talk a little of French. Amazing. Isn't it? There are really things that God would ask of you to do but you wouldn't understand the reason at that moment and you just have to obey blindly. This is just a simple example of why we should obey God and there are a lot more examples that I can think of. Some of them are more complicated and too difficult to follow and yet at the end it will always be for the best. That's God's way.

Obviously, God is prepping us for a life changing moment. At least this one, Mr. God is making sure we are prepared. That would be tomorrow or some other time.. :)

my living saint

2009-07-06T14:05:00.005+08:00

You have the purest of heart. I have known you for more than a decade already and never have I felt that you are hiding anything from me nor from others. Your intention is always for the welfare of others. Really. Your genuine care for others isn't pretensions nor for any other reason but it just that. You are concern. Sometimes I can’t catch up with you but it doesn’t deter you from serving. You are generous more than you think you are and I see it. Sometimes, I want to give up on people, I want to think for myself ourselves, or get angry at you for giving without limits. Yet, the word of God always struck me and become my basis for your actions. I follow. I know it is God who is moving you.Just weeks ago, we were trying to decide whether to give money or not. Though, I guess I was the only one who was trying to decide since you already have an answer. You didn’t push the issue nor give me a litany of whys... But God spoke directly as he said that we help as much as we could without thinking of what we can get out of it. He has given us enough and we will never have less or more. True. So, I followed. Then God also mentioned about the thorn in the flesh and that made me realize why we have to do be in some situations when sometimes I want to get out of it. I know you know what I mean.Going back to you. You are a good person. very good. I am blessed that you are my wife. I am forever grateful to God that we are together in this life. I am humbled by your heart that is cut for service. I have read about saints or people who are good example of living a Christian life but now, I realized that I have that person beside me. A good wife, mother, daughter and friend. You want to give as much as you can and that is the reason why our life together is blessed as well.Yeah, that's the reason why I let you buy something for yourself. I know that if I say no, you will follow me. I know that if someone ask you to help them, you will give rather buy something for yourself. That's the reason why you keep on asking me if you can buy this or that because you are not used to it. It is easier for you to give than to think for your self. I see that so I give you a chance to have what ever you want as long as we can afford it. You treat it as a gift for you and it has more meaning that way.You are an inspiration to me. I see in you how it should be to be a good family person. That family comes first no matter what. That if there is someone who knocks, we should let the person in and help. You inspire me to be clear with my intention and be sincere. I sometimes read books to be inspired and learn from great men/women who are showing the way. But here you are my dearest wife. I am a witness to these great things. I see you and what you have done and why you are doing it. Definitely, one can only continue to show generosity if one possesses a pure and sincere heart.Thank you for being a light to me and allowing me to see Christ in you.

Two Leaves Falling

2009-03-02T15:18:00.010+08:00

I stood there with all the memories rushing to come back
The exact ground where we throw our marbles or bottle caps
The corners where we hid on cloudless but moon lit nights playing hide and seek.

I walked and remembered where we used to run endlessly
Where we sometimes gather and exchange our amazing stories
I can still see the different animals that had been part of our childhood

I sat underneath a tree where we spent our afternoon
The trees that provided us,children food during summer breaks

The trees that witnessed the changes that took place
They silently hold all the memories that maybe one day we will try to recapture

It is all different now.
No more children running.
No more shouting, laughing or even crying.
Just the barking dogs.
Just a couple of trees that remained standing

Sometimes we have been too far and then remember things
The way it had been but there is no turning back
Life is just about remembering and moving forward
It isn't as easy as I realize now

Can I embrace a moment for awhile and cherish it until I am ready to let go?
I guess not. Everything will just eventually move.
There is no standstill. No second chance.
A day is created for a day and tomorrow is already different.

I am witnessing my child growing and only two years have passed since his birth
I am sure in due time I will go back to his first two years and lovingly remember
what is happening now.
Maybe a tear will eventually fall
There is no turning back so today is what I have.
Today is the treasure that I will open in the future.

Today is what I cherish, being with my family
I can not go back nor look back for too long
This is what I have.

Polo- visit my FB for more.. :)

2009-01-12T13:46:00.003+08:00

With Kuya Ethan
Diving in stones

Thinking what's next

I think this is cool

I really think so..

Lessons in Vienna Austria

2008-10-18T18:44:00.002+08:00

First, I've learned to use a train rather than the more comfortable taxis. Crazy, I was informed by our hotel that it could cost me as much as Euro18 to go to the BARG meeting venue while a train just cost me Euro1.70.

The funny thing is that I have different eperiences in the three (3) days that I used the train. First day, I asked the front desk for a direction and she exlained it clearly and so with a map on my hand I confidently board a train. After 20min or so I was already in Karlplatz. I didn't that much but I just went out of the station believing it was like an MRT where as soon as get out it would be easy to go where ever you want. I was wrong. The was landmark the front lady told me was no where in sight. I had to open my big map and then I had to ask people. I did. Maybe I asked three people. They told me where but all of them wanted me to take a tramp. I said I want to walk. You know be familiar with the place and see Vienna by foot. At last the last guy told me that at the end of the block I will see Mcdonald's then I turn right. McDO??? now that sounds familiar. So, I did and then ask few more people until I finally arrived. No sweat literally. It was cold so it was good for walking.

The second day. Karlplatz and I said I will not get lost again. But lo and behold, when I stepped out of the station it was a different place all together. I had to look for that damn Mcdo. Whew.. I had to ask and ask until I found my way. Faster than it was the other day.

The third day. Naah, I wont get lost anymore and then I was with my colleague so no more problem. I spoke fast. When we arrived and step out of the station. IT WAS RAINING!! hahahahahahaha.... We waited and waited and actually went inside a school campus for shelter. It seemed that the rain wouldn't stop so we decided to take a cab.

The whole time I was in Vienna was like being in a gym. Just walking and walking and walking for more until the last day. The food wasn't good at all. Filipino food is still the best. C'mmon not let me eat binagoongan, lechon kawali, sinigang na baboy etc etc., hmmm, now I am hungry. Well, I am happy with the experience.

The real and very important learnings happened on the second day. I was tired the night before because we ate very late in a fancy restaurant (for free, but the food wasn't that recommendable but the ambience of that place was different and so it made me buy a bottle of wine and I hope iy would reach the Philippines in good shape). Different time zone and got tired with all the walking with a very heavy laptop bag. Anyway, in the afternoon the blue bug hit me. Yeah, I was feeling sad and maybe homesick and drain with all the presentations and meetings I had. This made me feel a little bit intimidated and so at the end of the sessions, I was really in the right disposition. I needed an open space.

I walked and saw that people were going inside a very old gate. I came in and it made me laugh inside because it was a university and people stared at me. An Asian guy lost in a crowd of Austrian students. I prentended that I wasn't lost but Im sure they figured it out. Then I went inside another gate. I got my open space. It was the Belvedere. Wow. I mean wow! Huge.. anyway, I sat down and relaxed a bit and took some pictures and decided to come back the following day. Ok, I wasn't really feeling well yet. blue blue blue... my world was blue. Then I saw a church. The doors were open. But I wasn't sure yet that it was a Catholic church. Then I saw the pictures of the late Pope John Paul II and that of Mother Mary. I felt it. I was home. It was God's grace that I was there. Right there and then a tear fell off. I was sad and homesick and He called me. That's how much God loves me. He knew me inside and outside. He knew I needed some rest. How I felt His love and how it changed what I was feeling. I saw just maybe five people and realized that the Priest was preparing for the Mass. I decided to stay. I didn't understand a word because everything was in German. I just went a long. That night I opened the bible and I was struck with reading in Psalms for that day. You know, the trees are planted on a stream.. something like that. See. He refreshed me and gave me enough energy and positive feeling to end a week long journey. Going back to the mass. God was in Austria as He is in the Philippines. He was in Slovenia and anywhere I went. I know He can speak in German but He made sure to tell me in English and Filipino how everything will be alright and that He was there for me. Amen. He was with me all the time.

Ok.. there are other learnings but I am starting to get dizzy. I can't wait to get home and see Josephine and my dear son, Polo. :)

To Vienna with work....and fun

2008-10-11T21:40:00.002+08:00

Day One:

Nope. I am not yet there. I just landed from Manila to HK and waiting for the real flight. This is nothing compares to the more than 15hrs of flight time which will start in about an hour and half. PAL had some problem with the landing gears so talk and we got delayed by 30 minutes. Then, in the runway it wasn't smooth at all. It was like there potholes everywhere so yeah I admit I got scared as usual. I prayed and prayed. The plane took off and then we encountered turbulence. AAAAAAhhhhhhhh.. talk about my first experience in business class (actually second :) ). Just imagine my face turning white as all my blood was evaporating and I do not where it was going. I prayed again and asked to please shield us from the wind. That did it. It stopped. I can just imagine how the apostles felt when the storm calmed down when Jesus commanded it to stop. Yeah, I pretty sure we had the same experience. Cool dudes. :)

I was in Mabuhay Lounge in Manila now I am at the Cathay Pacific Business Lounge. Cool for a simple guy. Though, in the past days I did maybe something that I never did before. I shopped like my wife but mine was more expensive. All these branded items from laptop bags, wallet, gloves, scarf, ballpen to passport holder etc etc aren't really my thing because deep inside me I knew that I spent a lot for this trip. Pardon me. My intention is just to be at least presentable to my counterparts. I dont want to feel so off. I am there not just for myself but for my company and of course I also represent the Philippines. Ey dont get me wrong. Though I said branded items these are not the top of the line. Just simple items that for simple Filipinos like I am are already considered branded. :). I am happy.

Ok. That's about it for today... I have to psyche myself for now... :)

That "Ber-feeling" is here

2008-09-10T14:13:00.007+08:00

Pool time with friends. Kuya Ethan and Maia.
Ethan explaining and Polo giving his Mom a look on why they can still play in the pool
Kid-made-little-tidal waves

Yup. I love swimming.
Hmmm. which should I play next....
Just another day at work
My own version of rain
Co workers busy

Happy eating
What else will I eat?
Hide and seek

Papa cooked these.

Papa Bin Papa Babin Pa Bin

2008-09-05T15:34:00.003+08:00

The other day Polo shouted in full volume my name. He wanted me to get his toys from the cabinet. Of course, his request had his unique version of saying "PLEASE"..... What made me laugh was when he called me by my name. Hahahahahahaha... I heard him before calling me Marvin, not perfect but it was still Marvin. I thought then that he would not like be the other children who had a hard time prouncing Marvin. Then again, Polo just called and kept on calling me Papa Bin especially if it is with great urgency for him. Sometimes he would even grab my hand and lead me where he wants to be. That's my son. I like it. If you want anything say it. hahahahahahaahahaha.. At least he is not calling me Pappy anymore. May he realize that we are not dogs or he hasn't seen wowowie lately.

All of the sudden we are now concern about the price of his diapers, baby wipes and soap. They are very every expensive. When he was still a baby, it was hard because of his sensitive skin but now, we are ready to try the cheaper ones. Php12 per diaper.. that's expensive.. :) We will try to use the more affordable ones. That's not a problem. But we wish not to save on his milk or food. We will give want we can. Polo's diet, lots of fruits, juice, rice, bread and how he loves pop corn... he eats anything though it also depends on how it is presented. He likes rice so much. He would say, "rice" rice" rice.. and if he wants something.. he would say...like like like... if he gets what he wants.. he has this "excited" expression and body language that a parent would always want to see.. :) He is really adorable and sweet. I came home late one evening. He woke up in the middle of the night and saw me beside him. Polo sat and then lay down on my chest. It was like he was telling me. "My daddy is here at last" After a few minutes, he went to his mom to sleep. Touching that even if he woke me up, I still felt loved by this little kid.

Our kids have this power over us. A positive one. I know everyone agress how they can wipe away the stresses of life, refresh tired bodies, warm up a sad and cold heart. That's how they are. Pure love exists through them from God. I actually still can't believe that I already have a child of my own. I am enjoying everyminute of it. He isn't just a friend who came across my path. He is our child. Wow. Thank God. Praise God. To hear him call me Papa is something I always look forward to everyday.

God is Faithful!

2008-08-28T10:46:00.005+08:00

Amen. That's the message of Paul to the Corinthians in the first reading today.

I amazed. Yesterday's reading was about not giving up and something else which struck me. Ey, up until now God is watching over me. Thank God for His grace that I am able to read His words. It is different. Somehow, I feel guided and I feel that someone is looking after me.

Look. I am caught in a big web of responsibilities. Tough. Trying to free my right hand only to find out that my other arm and legs are also stuck to this web. Much of the time, I just lay there thinking that one day I will be free but if I dont do anything then nothing will happen. Oh, maybe something more bad can happen. His words then are refreshing to me.

You can not really change people. IT is a personal decision. You can empower them. Uplift them. Say good things about them. Inspire them. Teach them. At the end of the plank, it is them who should jump and no one can do that for them. I have learned how to respect in a much deeper sense. Before, I get frustrated with people whom I was trying to push and do the things I've been telling them to do. I knew that I can't but deep inside it was like a war going on. I wanted to just bang his/her head to make him realize things. Of course, I can't.

Now it is different. If a person doesn't agree with my suggestion or opinion. I let him be without any resentment. Sometimes.. you will see potential in a person and those are the times that I feel compelled to let that person knows his/her inner strength and how he can improve it. Only to my dismay, that person doesnt believe he can pull it through. It is so clear that the person he is seeing is totally different from what I am seeing. Patience then. Be consistent and pray that one day they would learn to accept what the people around them are seeing.

Battling low self esteem is a fight that takes time and effort and no matter what the other say and regardless of their relationship, at the end it is a one on one battle. Oh. me I won it with God on my side. When I did, only then that I realized that it wasn't difficult at all. It was just really a decision to just to take one brave step to a renewed you. Eureka! That was it. I felt free. It was hardwork and one decision. That is to move.

A decision has to be made and I said YES to it.

2008-08-20T17:26:00.003+08:00

No more. One day I know I have to decide and do the necessary change in my life. Accept that this is how it is. No more what if or only if and any of its variations or forms. No more delaying. I have been stuck in here for so long that I have started to enjoy it. Obviously, it isn't healthy and staying at a station without any intention to leave is a life half lived. Unless, that's the station you should embark. Even then you still have to leave the station and go to where you should be going. Not there. NO one should stay only at a station wasting precious moments. Life can not wait. We live the life. I am not sure I am making sense here but I have said it.

You know, like go to a coffee shop/bars with your friends or drink alone by yourself. Eventually, time will catch up and you have to go home. What ever deals you have to face in your house, you should face it.

Tomorrow. It will be a different day even if the Philippines today is engulf by thick clouds and endless raining. It doesn't matter. It will not count. Change is knocking. Not once but persistently from the day I opened and entered a door. Get out, it is shouting. Don't live in virtual comfort. An illusion of contentment. Get grip of reality. There is more. Board the train and go. Dont be late anymore. The ticket has been issued and it would cost you another gold if you let it slip away. While train may come but time would not stay still. Leave now while you can.

Tomorrow. A new song from my heart. A different ideology. I have to go even. There is no map to follow but just instructions on what I should be doing. Humble me Father. Humble my lazy heart and let me go back to they ways of a prudent man. I have achieved nothing yet. Following You should still be my biggest concern. I didn't earn a pass to be complacent but just a ticket for a new job. A new responsibility. A new life. That is what is all about. There is no use. I have been given a new pair of shoes but if I dont run it meant nothing at all.

I dont need to be running in full gear I only have to carry my legs one at a time. Make the necessary steps and learn once again how to walk and then fly. Soar. Again, nobody is here to remind me that. I am against myself. I am not align with my values and my attitude is slowly being corrupted by inefficiency. A decay that could soon be a cause of regret, disappointment, tears, fears and nightmares. I always remember what Stephen Covey has said, if you pick a stick at one end you will surely also get the other end of that stick. Part of life is choosing the direction of where we want to go, how we want to go there and what do we need to do. We know the answer. Always. That's the reason why at this age maybe I shouldn't wait for someone to tell me what I should be doing because at the back of mind, I know it.

There is no excuse. Only choices. Yesterdays have happened. People might have said something hurtful, unproductive or they were unkind. So be it. They should not made be into excuses. Like carrying posters in the streets and telling the whole world how unkind people/circumstances were to you. No one will listen and even if they do so what? What will you do with their sympathies? Justification of an efficient life? Loser. Loser really. I mean really really really.

No need of that. I remember the first time I drove my brand new car. After, years of being comfortable of having an AT car, I really got afraid when it was time to drive a much bigger and it was MT too. I was very nervous because I had to take it out from the warehouse during rush hour. Wow. I could have backed away and just maybe ask my brother to bring it home. I could also maybe let it stay at the warehouse and wait for the license plate. I could have given other excuses just not to drive it at that particular day. But hey, I was excited. It would be my first time to drive a car. It was also the first time in our family that someone was able to have brand new car (and a SUV at that). When I first saw my car, my jaw dropped. Wow. I swear, I could have embraced it if not for the people around me. I could have kissed it. I went inside and then with my stroke the engine roar into life. How sweet it was to hear and smell the freshness of a new car. Was I still worried? Nope. I took control. Yeah, I was still nervous but eventually I felt it wasn't difficult at all.

So tomorrow, I will start the engine and toot toot toot.. off I go to my next journey. I should be excited, I am going to VIENNA, AUSTRIA this October. :)

Be inspired

2008-06-02T14:13:00.003+08:00

Let's say I climbed a mountain and I reached a point which happened to be my goal. I trained and worked hard to reach this peak and so I enjoyed being here. The view and everything and whew what a journey it had been. Life is good. Rewarding. But it shouldn't be over. This shouldn't be the goal yet but just a stepping stone. Ahhhhhhhhhh!!! how many stepping stones should be there in the first place? I guess the a better question is what is my goal in the first place. I read in a book (Tipping point) about this scenario.

I felt special when I still a Supervisor. You know doing things that were beyond my position. Knowing a lot which weren't expected of me. Then now, I am a Manager. Nope. There is no more feeling of being on top of my job. I have became ordinary because of the promotion. Get it? I mean when I was still in a rank below, I did things that made people say that I was ready to be a Manager. And now, it is just expected. Not that I am fishing for affirmation or what. I realize though that I should rise and perform. That's where my problem is right now.

Inspiration.

I think our soul must be connected to the things that we are doing or love to do. It should be our soul that should propel us to do things. Not just the heart and mind. Mind is the first level. Heart is the second and the soul is the most important level. In the soul level, it lets you face and overcome physical limitations and it overrides the negative feelings to let you succeed and proceed to what ever goal you have set in place. Hmmmmm.. People just talk about the heart and mind but I think now in my stage the sould is more applicable.

Have you ever heard a music that touch your soul so deep that makes you stay still for a while. It isn't your lips that is singing or your ears that are listening. This time, it is your soul. You dont want to move, you feel that it should last more and do not want it to end, you don't sing a long with it, you close your eyes and not really see anything but inside you something magical is happening. You try to smell it or touch it but can't because it is needed. It is living within you. It is a moment when you do not care what is happening outside, or if you have any concerns, or if you are tired. Just there in a moment. That my friend is your soul.

We all need that connection. How much experience/ecstacy it would be if your could commune with God. Wow! Perfect. Diba? Ok. I understand that it would be easier to achieve this kind of experience if you a lot some of your precious time for meditation. Yeah, maybe once a day or twice a week. All I think is that it is needed. It let's you see clearly, remove the clouds inside your mind. Just that and let your soul be free. Let it listen and sing and most importantly think.

Yeah, that's my opinion. We are busy everyday at work, weekends for the family and see it could lead you to a crowded street and eventually stress you out. Working with this kind of stress has a negative impact.

Inspiration. Where will get it though? I am struggling. I need to silence my self and hear.

Hillsong Manila!

2008-05-27T17:11:00.007+08:00

I am just one of the 20,000 plus people who watched the concert of Hillsong at Araneta. Yet, I didn't feel insignificantat all. I felt special being in one big community regardless of backgrounds we were all there to worship God. A gathering so specially amazing because of the audience's responses. It was different. I mean, the concert wasn't marketed heavily at all. You would think that only a few knew about it. Nothing in the tv, radio, magazine and maybe just a little in the newspaper and yet it was very very very successful! Two and half hours of complete ecstacy. We were all worshiping God. Unbelievable and yet it happened and I was there to witness it.

You ask around who or what Hillsong is all about and you will receive blank faces. Yeah, only a few would know but there wow! Araneta was filled with so many worshippers! The best thing that ever happened. I am telling you, if you attend a "concert worship"especially if it is Hillsong I think you might not be that interested to attend a regular concert. Because here you scream, shout, dance, pray, sing not for the singers/band but for God.

I still belong after all. That's what I realized last night. What ever I have achieved shouldn't be a reason for me to stop searching and longing for Jesus. Oh, I have not achieved anything if it just created distance between me and God. Not. I am for God. I love God and I know He loves me more than what I have done and He will not allow me to wander far from Him. I know that and believe in how much He cares for me. Everyday. I've been deliquent in my prayers lately especially my evening prayers and yet He is still here. Jesus is so cool.

He is the reason and will always be the reason why I live. He is where I am. I am here with Him. I might not be able to be as perfect as I want it to be but He is. He will be there when I fall down and He will be the one lift me high. I am not afraid to look back at my life. Before maybe I was, I have so many regrets and resentments but now it is totally different. I see God. I see His footprints. I see how He changed everything and how He made sure that I will be back on the right path. No matter if I look at my past or my present or my future I see Him. There are moments that I ignore Him but at the end I still see Him. I remember that this is how I want to be... I've lost my copy of my vision and mission statement but I remember that more than anything else, I want to Jesus to rule over me. Have I achieved it? I guess I am still far. :) There is still so much things to learn. I guess He is yet done with me. I am still a child after all.

Big Boy Polo

2008-05-08T11:45:00.022+08:00

I'm with my first date. My mommy. Enchanted Kingdom
Mom, Im big already. I can handle this ride.
Me, my Yaya and my stroller
Yes?
My crew.

Yeah. Cool.

My friend, Sofia
Polo the Hunk
I can act, you know

Let's get it on!

2008-05-07T10:56:00.002+08:00

A different playing field. Upgrade. Just like in video games, in order for you to be more successful and win in the next level, you have to get some new tools, power, skills etc. Otherwise, it would tough to finish it or worse you will not even see the end.

Wow. The international roaming industry has changed so much since I started working. At first, it was just a matter of roll outs with new and happy roaming partners. Then came new technologies, then the alliances and now the rates game. Oh, the technology hasn't stopped yet. It just keeps on getting complicated. So many things to read.

This is precisely the reason why people should be trained as well. To cope and compete in this new game. Not only to learn from experience but maybe to acquire new skills through training. Pacquiao who is a great boxer no doubt but still he trains seriously whenever he has a fight. It pays off at the end.

I am not saying that we are not capable but as I've said it would help us be more efficient and effective in this highly competitive industry. Global.

I can't believe that I have this work. Really. I love it!!!! :) It is difficult and challenging but I enjoy it. Yeah, I spend extra hours working at home. Have not done that for years. I am not saying that I dont feel fear. I am not anxious. That it is all positive. Not. There are times when I want to quit and yes just be at home and spend the day not thinking about work. But c'mmon, this is perfectly where I want to be. I know there are a lot of things to improve. The problem is not with just work itself but I also encounter even with my own team and others. That's how dynamic everything is. Also, if you are not doing good (revenue wise), I understand that the more I will experience pressure and this moment is a perfect ground to learn about everything.

I am sure I have not experience yet the full force of this storm. It has just started. I should be mentally, emotionally and physically strong to arrive at the shore. I am. I still acknowledge God is with me.

1. Pray
2. Focus
3. Order
4. Courage
5. Fight

It is May!

2008-04-28T10:20:00.003+08:00

As expected, I had an April rush. I can't believe that there are only two more days left before May kicks in (with a Holiday of course). I had so many activities that I hardly spent time in the office. All official activities of course. Am I lost with what am I supposed to do? A little bit. I am a little bit confuse. Tasks are all screaming inside my head. Start with me! what about me? When are you going to pay attention to me? Hey, you have forgoten your promised! I am urgent! I am important! Hahahahahahaha.. I learned that in order to stay sane, I must managed all of these demanding activities and tame them! How? Again, be organized!

I am happy to learn that if I want to excel in my difficult job there is only one important discipline I should do everyday of my life. Organize! Every day I must act if I dont want to get things out of control. I must always be in control. I am very well sure that this what the Ayalas Pangilinans, Gates', Buffet, Sy's are doing. Loving all the actions even if it is something difficult they find ways how to tame it and follow its command.

I like Ilocos. But it is not a place for me to go back year after year (unlike Boracay). I can stay there for a long period of time maybe still if you ask me if I want to go there again anytime soon? Nope. :) There is no love yet.

Yehey... May 1 is a Holiday!

As of today

2008-04-18T12:47:00.002+08:00

I'm back. My first day in office after being away for around four days. And guess what? It is Friday today! Wohooooo!!! I am glad because I am still exhausted after attending the GSM AP in Cebu. Not too much sleep and a lot of meetings. Imagine, I was there since Saturday but I only had the time to relax a bit (two hours) last wednesday after my morning meeting with KTF. I checked out on that same day. It was ok. Today, aside from trying to catch up and be mentally prepared I still have to attend three meetings. 1:30pm with RSF for our OCSMS updates, 3:00pm with Verisign and then at 4:30pm with Wolfpac. I'm packed! But then again, it is Friday so it is not like I will have to face these and other things tomorrow. I have two days to enjoy my time with my family and even to organize myself. Right now, I am like recovering from a typhoon. There are a lot of loose ends that need to be fixed. Gee, then next week we are off to Ilocos for our team building. aaaaaaaaaa!!!!

I really love Shangri La Mactan. The best resort hotel for me. It is a home away from home. I wish I could bring my family there but maybe we should go to Boracay first. :)

I will share something about the GSM AP meeting in a different post maybe.

Mariel got her request. Cds from her fav bands in Korea. These are even CDs bought in Korea. Lucky her. Yeah, I was willing to look for them here in Manila of course. I am sure though that it would be difficult. The GSM AP helped a lot since my friend from Korea (Shawn) attended this event and he was the one who bought the cds. If I were Mariel, I am surely to be ecstatic about it. I mean it is like maybe owning my pair of Rockport which my mom bought in US. I love it! I could buy it hear but it is expensive that I would think once, twice or never even imagine to buy it myself. Or like what I want to have now, a Samsung laptop bag. It is around Php4.5K and I can't even convince myself to buy it. No matter how much I rationalize I am still hesitant to purchase one. Unless someone out there will buy it for me. :)

Ok. Time to Work again....

Something to say

2008-04-08T10:13:00.002+08:00

The weekend was great. I enjoyed every minute of it especially bringing Polo to the Fun Ranch (where kids rule). I am happy to see how happy he was during the time we spent there. He was cooperative enough while his parents where looking for someting to buy in Tiendesitas. It wasn't planned actually. We only decided to visit the place because I was hoping to find the shoes in Tiendesitas, unfortunately I didn't find it. So hop we went to the Fun Ranch. First stop was the activitiy center where we let Polo and his Yaya to play there for 30min while we watched them have fun. Polo was walking and walking and "priceless" really. Then we tried teh airplane ride which he enjoyed like how he loves cars. There are a lot activities that happened afterward but I am too lazy now to share it. :)

Today, we are back to the corporate world. Tough day. It just a few hours old but my mind had been working since yesterday. I have to finish a lot so I would not have to think over and over these things. At least the GSM Asia Pacific will be next week already and it is one of my pressing tasks this week. Thanks so much to our Marketing Events people, they have managed to shrunk this big event into small pieces. I love Shangri La Mactan. I will not change what I have said before. For me, it is one of the best hotels in the world! The GSMAP will be held there and I will be in Shang from April 13 to April 16. Exciting but not so much anymore. It is really different if you have a family already. It changes everything. If they can join me then that would be the best scenario. But it is like I am not there yet but I am already longing to go home.

GSMAP preoccupies maybe 40% of my time because I can not give everything. I still have some businesses to handle. Crazy stuff. The Psalm reading for today inspires me to just move on because "HE is the ROCK of MY REFUGE. Whew!!! I hope they can stop giving me work for the meantime. Well, I am under His wings to Jesus will be the one to help me here. :) I dont want to stress out my self so much and I am sure God has this big plans on how to move these things. I will just listen and do my work and work. 100% I will give to Him. That's the only solution I can think of right now given the truck load of work I have right now.

I want to be fit

2008-04-02T11:29:00.005+08:00

Josephine and tried exercising again. It just happened last Sunday. We arrived from Marikina then we decided on the spot to at least walk around the village for 30 min. We did and we had fun doing so except for Polo who probably was surprised by our disappearance. I jogged last Monday and then yesterday Josephine joined me. All of them at night. It was easier I guess. It is like if you want to do it, do it now. Of course, I will not exaggerate the result. I burnt calories for sure but I am sure it doesn't translate yet to losing pounds. No no no. I am just happy to be doing something about my physical well being and having to do it with my wife. What could be a better deal than that? It is even for free. You know, Josephine and I had been together for so many years already. We see each other more than the other couples I guess because we work in the same company. We eat lunch together here and it doesn't bother us. We go to work together and go home together. Jogging together is another activity and I like it because we still talk :)

We will take one day at a time. Exercising is a daily commitment so as eating healthy food. They always go together to remain healthy. I also am taking Fern C. Again, too early to say but for three(3) months of taking a capsule a day has maybe improved my resistance against flue and colds. I noticed like last year that I always get sick every single month. My clinic records can attest to that. That's depressing! Crazy. Something is wrong and something must be done. Fern C did wonders to me so far. God bless and hopefully I will have a healthy 2008. Same goes with the rest of the family.

I need to be healthy because my job is crazier than it was last year or a year before that. International Roaming business is a beast that can not be tamed but only managed. Sometimes, it looks like there is nothing would put us down then again its horn swagger to left and we get hit. Wow! Or sometimes this bull run endlessly wrecking havoc along the way. The only thing we could do is to manage the damage. But sometimes, we use its full strength to benefit from its power. Crazy, man. Fluctuating currencies, political situation, economic health, storms, holidays, price of oil (heheheheehehe but I am sure it indirectly affect us), realtionship with different partners of different backgrounds and culture, network quality, new technologies, fraudsters, alliances, US presidential elections, IRAQ crisis, Wow!!! see. too much factors. Exciting job isn't it? :) Pressure pressure.. I must be physically, mentally and most of all spiritually fit to handle this job. Yeah, that's international roaming for you.

Exercise is a must if I want to have a longer life. I still want to have enough energy to spend time with my dear boy, Polo. Especially now, that he demands more physical attention and I am sure it will increase as he grows.....We only just have begun.

Working. Backwards

2008-04-01T15:40:00.002+08:00

It was time for me to leave the academic world and once and for all face and understand what others were seeing outside this comfortable home. Nope, I wasn't a professor or anything. I had a non-teaching position where I was given a chance to train student leaders of our school. Cool. Idealistic and then I was there. I had fun and was still so immature! My peer group was starting to share their corporate adventures and mis adventures while I can not offer anything but listen to their colorful stories.

Then one day I was out. I jumped and was optimistic given that I had a La Sallian education and I was exactly a fresh graduate. Internet recruitment at that time isn't a fad yet. I bought Manila Bulletin every Sunday, asked for referral and then did some walk-in application. Since I wasn't using email yet I had to wait for letters of interview or acceptance. I was positive that I would land a job in no time. After a month, two, three, four...... the enthusiam was starting to go down. I looked into my expensive pair of shoes ( i didnt know it was expensive) was starting to quit. It has holes on it soles. I've been around Makati, up and down the buildings. Then Pasig, Manila, even Southern Manila.... Negative. Either I didn't like the job or I wasn't fit. And being in the Academe for two years was not that advantageous for me.

Fund was low. Morale was low. Shoulders dropped. Restless night. I was already hesitant to ask money from my parents and yet I still had no job.Tough life. I found comfort in visiting the chapel at the end of the day. In there, I just rest and share my stories to God. I guess it was one of those moments that made me closer to God. I did. That was my consolation.

One day, I got a job offer from an Insurance Company. I was invited to report the following week. I still had an interview with another company and I went for it. My interview was with the Sales Director right away and I was applying for Sales Training. He asked something simple from me. He said, "Marvin, sell that condiminium to me" Whoa!!! I didnt have any experience in selling but I tried. Then he said, what I did was so bookish. I lack the emotion and I do not seem to believe in what I was saying. Oh no................. I don't need another lecture. He said something actually that changed my self perception. He said, he saw something in me. I have the potential and everything but I have to show it. There is no way, agents will buy my words if I myself do not believe in it. Thank you. (I actually met this guy in another company). Basta, because of him I started believing in myself. Slowly. I never had the chance to talk to him once again (after maybe two years).

I accepted the sales job in the insurance company because I said I wanted to experience what it is like to be one. Again, I persevered. I tried all the tricks I read and heard from others. I was able to sign some policies and I had the chance to sign with a very big one. I was focused to close that one even if it meant going to some unknown places which were very far from my office. Maybe I spent a month with them. I gave my best. I did so many things in that company. After six months though I wasn't accepted as a full time sales agent but they had a different plan for me. Oh no. I can't believe that I might lose another job. I didnt want to be there again (I failed to listen to the next part of the sentence).

An insurance client actually was impressed with me so she asked me if I wanted to join her team. Since I didn't get that my previous company had another plan for me I left them and joined this new company. The decision wasn't well accepted by everybody because they said that even non college graduates can get a job like that. I cant share to them that I actually prayed for it. Even I had a difficulty comprehending why I should accept the jon which was not really different from my previous one. Just different industry. But the Lord said yes, join them. I did.

In here, I met another mentor who taught me so much about dealing with clients and making proposal. I was able to close some accounts and I still struggled since it was still not easy. But I started getting the hang of it. Sales is not just about the people you know but everything boils down to perseverance, hard work and cultivating relationships. My Boss then was so happy about me that when he left which surprised me completely created confusion and a little bit anxiety. Not now. Of course there was nothing I could do.

Until maybe after a month, he called me and asked me for a meeting. When we met, he just asked me how I was doing and everything then out of the blue he said if I want to join him in his new job as a Sales Director of a new internet company. I prayed and then joined him.

In Worldroom.com, I met the best boss I ever had in my life until now. My Ninang, Tina Di Cicco. She of course like the others taught me about the work but most of all she said so many good things about me and for the first time I wasn't scared of myself. I mean, the wounds inflicted to me from so many emotional clashes with people close and not close to me were really devasting. I walked for years carrying these wounds. Then here she came. She didn't point out the wounds to me nor looked into my weakness but she treated me with dignity and looked into the person I have seen for quite awhile. She believed. I guess that was the difference. I was able to smile again and slowly regained my self esteem. It is really different if you meet someone (Mentor type) who will feed you with positive things and yeah really believes in you. She did. After a year, I dont know but I felt confident that when it was time for me to be interviewed here in SMART I was ready.

After two years with Tina, I was able to join SMART where I am working right now. This is a dream job come true. You know, the scope is international and being able to travel the world and meet people. I am still learning and really am looking for another mentor who can help me to move further. It is still open. I am sure the Lord will send another Angel to help me here.

Being a Global Player

2008-03-31T09:53:00.003+08:00

I am now thinking of several important action steps for my job. Tough! I am telling you. It is consuming all the cells of my brain. My heart would like to raise a white flag with the pressure he is feeling now but my mind is tougher! This year, the Lord message for me is to face all obstacles/challenges head on! No fear shall make me bow down to anything or anyone. I will face with if faith like how David did it when confronted with the mighty giant Goliath. Right now, I have several Goliaths and there is a new one bigger than the rest. Literally. Who am I but a small soldier in this company. Yet, I will not fail the Lord. He is my strength and the source of my strategies.

Negotiation to a multicultural environment which involves different races from Americans, Asians, Europeans, Arabs to Indians... name it and I have dealt on them in this work. What's my experience? Hahahahahahahahahahaha.. I have but a slingshot on my hand. Some of them are wearing protective helmets, shields, and armored plates... name it they have it. But I have the Lord God with me. I also know that these are not enemies but Ally that I must learn how to earn their side. To convince them that we are actually partners. That is what negotiation is all about. It isn't a yes or a no but it is about discussing the middle ground and working on how we cultivate that common ground without compromising each others interest. Now, there is someone who didn't play fair. He unleashed a devastating blow like a lion in the dark striking me almost to death then when I faced him he said... oh let's work on for a WIN/WIN solution!!! WHAT???!!!!! Win/win??!!! Do you really know what exactly it means? Crap. Ok. Working on this isn't about restoring some pride or anything. This is about getting both Parties in a negotiation table once again but not bowing down to his terms. Good thing I know my cards. I am willing to share it but not by selling short of my self. Get it? Negotiation at its finest. Am I afraid/scared? Yes maybe but in FAITH I will hit him in his head.

Different strokes for different folks. Literally. Sometimes the other party is no nice (mostly Asian) and you should read between the lines because you are not sure if if his yes and smile is really is a Yes or what... you have to observe his body language, tone of his voice, and maybe his eyes and you have to draw it out from him and clarify and clarify... but Asians are tougher that you think. Hidden dragon. That's what I like about being an Asian and for westerners are their bravery and how they love to play risk. Combine them both then there you go. You can now go anywhere.

I have met someone like that. An Australian. He listen like what Asian wants but persistent and courageous like what westerners are. I can not say he is soft because he is not. He actually just got promoted. This means that what he is doing is definitely working for him. Good for him. I am still new despite my experience in Global Negotiation but I can see now. Clearer than before. I have made mistakes and sadly no one is ready to point it out to me but fortunately I've seen them.

Generally, I am excited that I am participating in this kind of activity. A dream come true. I want to enter this world then here I am. Baptism of fire ika nga. Though, I have been exposed in international environments for several years but this is the peak. I am excited. God told me to face it then I shall face like a little boy David who grew to become one of the best Kings ever to live on earth.

Lord, give me courage to face the known and the unknown. Let me thrust my self with your wisdom and not but my foolishness. It is not about fighting but about winning your enemies. I come not to be converted but for them to respect and recognize me. I need a strength of a thousand lion but working in wisdom is better than positioning myself as someone powerful. I want to be powerful silently and for them to see at the end that this strength comes from you and not from me. Let me do this not to gloriy God and bring honor to Him.

I worship the Lord

2008-03-30T12:21:00.003+08:00

Your assuring voice is a music to my heart

It knows no other but everyday it waits for you

Every word is a beautiful note that calms my soul

Speak to me and let me be free

Say to me what you want for me
I will follow you even if my strength fails me
Because you will carry me to the heaven above
I am lost in this world without You

Stay with me forever

Even if at times when I do not look for you

I am but weak Father.

Let your mercy see beyond my frailties

Lord, at the end of the day

It is still you I am waiting to be with

It is still your voice that lets me fall asleep

Just you Jesus in my heart

Let me praise you in the morning
Let me give you thanks before I close my eyes
Tomorrow will wait but my praise will not
You set my heart on fire! I will bless your name.

Why should wait for the sun to rise?

but in my darkness you are still there

You are the lighthouse in the fiercest of storms

A refuge to everyone who needs to rest

Your love for me is more than I could comprehend or will ever know

Not in this world when my heart is preoccupied

But in Heaven when it can embrace all the love you have for me

I will wait Father but for now I rejoice in your presence

Trying a poem once more

2008-03-28T18:33:00.002+08:00

I bring myself near to your heart
Not knowing if you will say yes or not
I am not afraid if you will ignore or if you reject me
Love is not that

I will stand here and wait for you
A nod or a tight embrace are not so different
Either would mean a lot to me
I will treasure them

When you cry, I can be your shoulder
Let your tears fall down and you shouldn't be worried
I will stay until you can stand on your own
I love you more

Hear me in the silence of your night
I have a gentle voice to soothe your aching heart
Let me love you. Allow me to be with you
Everyday of your life.

I can do that for you and no one can take that away from me
I love you more. I love you more.
Let me show you where you heart belongs
I will take care of it day and night

I love you more

Noise at 4am

2008-03-27T11:17:00.002+08:00

A disastrous morning. Waking up at 4am forcibly isn't a greeting that is welcomed by anyone. Not in this sleepy planet. Jaz for some strange reasons got locked out and wasn't able to enter her room after going to the rest room. She knocked on our door asking for a spare key (which we fortunately were able to duplicate due to laziness to give instructions). The keys were inside the car and I let her get it. Suddenly, lo and behold, the whole garage came to life. The car alarm was triggered. Noise at 4am. Bummer. When I felt that she can't handle it I had no choice but to stand up. There she was with a dazed look. I took the car keys from her and it was silent after I turned off the alarm. Unfortunately, it didnt stop there. The dog gave his all. Venting it out maybe he had waited for this opportunity to happen. Giving him reasons to just bark as loud as he can! He did for maybe 15 minutes straight! I just can imagine him grinning at what he was doing. Ngiting Aso. He got tired but still I heard him bark once in a while. I'm sure that the other houses were awaken by that bastard dog. Well. He enjoyed doing it so I am happy for him. There you go. I got my sleep back maybe at 5am already. I still managed to dream though.

April will be a very busy month for me. Not everything is about work but still it would be tiring to travel almost every week.

April 3 to 4: Strat Plan (Tagaytay)

April 13 to 16: GSMAP (Mactan-Cebu)

April 19: EK with Family

April 24 to 26: TCP (Fort Ilocandia)

Good luck.

Latest pictures-Caylabne Adventures

2008-03-26T14:33:00.005+08:00

Family discussion
Driving is quite hard
Watch out for the sandcastle destroyer!!!
Wondering what's up there
Just horsing around

Polo so happy with a pretty girl beside him.
Polo so happy being with his original girlfriend
Dining with Mom and Pop

Wanting to be someone else or something

2008-03-25T11:42:00.002+08:00

During our weekend vacation I had an opportunity to spend more than five (5) hours just being by myself fishing. I just caught two fishes. Nothing to brag about or make it a topic with the boys. There weren't any fish there. I never felt their presence and I waited for hours just for some to maybe accidentaly pass by my hook. None. Maybe I was the fish who accidentally passed by God's presence. Why? Because I spent the free time thinking of my life and God. I need Him still. I realized that it is a challenge to recognize him when everything is doing fine in one's life than when you are confronted with a lot of trials. Still I realized I need Him. Not less. I want Jesus in my life, forever!

I asked my self what I fear most now. First is my original fear that one day I might just wake up not without Jesus by my side. Not that He has left me but more on me leading my life without Him and it is scarry because I dont know. How on earth will I move and to think that I will handle all these problems by myself? That's suicide! I love Jesus before and I still love him now. I do not want that to change. Clear. Second, I guess I am worried about losing Polo. Wow! That would be tough. Diba? I mean basta it is different. Same with losing my wife. AAAAAAhhhhhh... I cant bear even thinking about it. So I guess only God can assure me that everything will be ok.

I guess these are the fears that scare me the most. The others I know are more manageable.

I saw an eagle just flying around the mountain. He is so free. No cares in the world. He is free. I looked at this creature and wonder how his life is. I am sure he also has his own worries and challenges and observing him for just an hour would not be enough to define him.

I realized that I need to nourish my relationship with God this year. Not by own strength but by His grace. With Him, everything will be ok. With Him, I can soar like an eagle. With Him, I am free.

Another new year. Happy Easter

2008-03-24T10:29:00.003+08:00

The joy of being a Manager isn't as joyous as it seems. It is not a time of full celebration when you can rest on one's accomplishment. On just sitting back and enjoying the scene. It isn't at all. It means working and owning the business. Treating it as yours and then reporting the figures to the shareholders. What it means? Pressure to no end. If you are doing nothing then something is definitely wrong. If you are doing something but it isnt progressing as you want it to be then still it is your responsibility because it would appear that you are not doing anything. Who said that you can put your legs on the table and let things unravel before your eyes. no no no... I guess being a Manager means that you have to apply everything that you have learned. You know thigns that seemed useless before but now it is something important already. Yeah, like managing stress. Definitely, this is very challenging, Of course, there are now perks that helps me cope with the stresses of being in this position.

How will I react or respond to this? How else??? Above every skill, talent, strategy etc., I acknowledge my unworthiness. I do not know anything except to follow the guidance of God. That's the first step I realized that I should continue doing. Recognizing my need to be with God and not be foolish to move on without him. That would endanger my life. Big time. Second. Study and study. I think learning wouldnt and shouldnt stop regardless what I have accomplish. I should always look for ways how to improve not only with my job but in other aspect of my life as well. There is an Ocean of learning that I can swim on forever. Third. Persevere. For sure, there will be difficulties not only with projects but about working. I mean it gets tiring sometimes. No where to go but to persevere. Fourth. Celebrate. Create time to enjoy the blessings I receive. But before I could even celebrate I should see the blessings. This would help me greatly on how to manage pressure and stress. Fifth. Link my work to its true meaning. I work not for the sake of working. I work not for my self only. I work for my Family.

Bucket list?

2008-03-23T00:59:00.003+08:00

Something has happened. It is Easter. 1.36am. I realized that I still wish to pursue somethings in my life. Do you think I have given up living on an industrialized/first world country? The answer is a big loud NO! Where? When? How? Nothing is clear but it seems that I still want it to happen.

Studying is also part of that list. I want to STUDY! I dont know why? But I can feel that there is a thirst within me. Something that has to do with GLOBAL Business. I want to learn how to PLAY a piano. I also want to study another LANGUAGE.

See the world but not on a long period of time unless I am with my family.

Community service. I need to do something. It seemed that when I had nothing, it was easier to serve. It is true and maybe it just normal. But there it is in my heart. A desire of wanting to serve.

The other night I realized that 2007 was the lowest spiritual focus I had in recent years. It is different and yeah there is still a calling for me to respond to. HOW on earth will I survive this world without HIS guidance. My work has reached a stressful level. Highest. IT is complicated. I need a rest!!! This Holy Week rest isn't enough.

Going back to my first wish. New Zealand, Australia,Canada, Switzerland, Sweden and US are my targets and the first three are the ones I wish to explore on.

Got to rest now. Im and tired and sleepy.

MoonVille

2008-03-17T15:47:00.004+08:00

Welcome to a new house and a new environment. I will take it. It is a lot better than where we were before. How on earth were we able to hide all those possession under one roof or under own room even. Too many things that aren't really useful for us. I am not certainly a fan of keeping unused items over a long period of time. Our new car has finally tasted its own garage and can be protected from heat and rain. You can walk blindly knowing that nothing could happen to you because it is a guarded village within a guarded village. That's how tight it is. There is somehow a sense of security. Polo has more room to move around in and out of the house. He has the second floor to explore as well. Jaz has her own room as well. Angel will have a chance to upgrade her house but she has to wait.

As for us, the little simple Agustin Family of three (3) :), well we have to contend still being with my in laws with all its pros and cons. Embracing and learning as much as we can. While, our room didnt really expanded like I envisioned it to be. You know like a bed of Polo could fit and still leaving us enough space to breathe. I guess it isn't time yet for that. He is still a baby and doesnt need his own bed yet. We were able to rid of the eye sores and at least I can relax as I close my eyes at night. Before I can not but help see our shoes and can't believe that we are sleeping with those shoes around. I mean it is so dirty. Then stacks and stacks of photoalbums, files, papers, bags, and what have you. The aircon was too noisy and the window was so dusty. You wouldn't even mind keeping those windows closed because there werent anything to see there except water tank and containers. Can you picture it? Nothing worth sharing about. Nothing. Our exp-room was so cluttered but Josephine and I then now Polo were able to adjust to it.

Aaaahhh this brings to appreciating what we have now and never mind the other unwanted or those that are not part of our wish list. Our new rooom. We still have the same bed (and I thought it will be upgraded but ok I feel it is ok since the new was bigger than what our room can accommodate). NO MORE SHOES around!!!! They are outside at last!!! The walls are clean that I do not mind putting any wall decor on it. I mean it looks clean and against our lamps it generates a soothing and relaxing atmosphere. We got rid of some stuff that we no longer find satisfaction having them. I can breathe. Finally, a clean room. We are not yet finish since we plan to make it more comfortable and cleaner I guess. I can open my windows as well. Clean air. A project garden and a view of street. No more crappy walls or noisy neighbor's helpers. Yeah, so far I am happy. I also like the fact that is nearer to the main road unlike before that it takes maybe 10 to 15 minutes to reach the main road from the house. Oh, the rest room is also great. Not that beautiful but it can be improved. At least it isn't as slimy, hairy and dirty like the one we had. What else? Hmmmmmm... yeah, water. We now have a steady supply of water and not at the mercy of those tankers. In long holidays, we do not have to worry of running out of water for several days. Cool. These are the good ones.

And now for the challenges. First, we are still living with my in-laws. One thing that I have to swallow is that I have to adjust and adapt. There is no way that I could "own" the place. It is humbling and I know I have to wait patiently for our time to have our own. Yes, of course we can afford now to rent or even own a place but I guess it isn't the right time. I want prepfer to wait and not compromise our needs and wants. When opportunity knocks then I will open the. But now, I would wait before pounding on this goal. I have to bit my lips at times for sure. I also want to be a gentleman in handling this situation. Someday, we will appreciate going through this like any other experiences we had. For now, maybe we should focus more on how to handle our finances better. On planning what we wish to become. And of course looking forward to provide the needs of our son. I am just worried about electricity bill. I dont want to pay for another PHP10k plus worth of electricity. It would be a waste. All are using then all should contribute accordingly.

So off we go to a new life. Here we are 2008.

Differently

2008-03-13T15:14:00.003+08:00

It could not be a far fetched idea that all Government's project are covered with corruption. So discouraging. Imagine the taxes we pay are high enough and still these people have the balls to do make this way. Wow! Unbelievable.

I do not know what they are thinking and why they do it. I am sure not all are corrupt but it seems that majority of the leaders are. Politics here is so dirty. I am sure even in other parts of the world but Philippines can be compared to countries lower than our economic status. We are a developing country and we can not say that we are lagging so much from the developed countries. Because what they can do, we can do as well. Sigh. We vote for people hoping they can make a difference. Not for me or to the other middle class people but maybe for the underprivileged, indigent, the poor. I am a college graduate and for sure those who were able to get a college diploma would at least have a chance to do something. But the poor are getting poorer and yet our government are taking advantage of their lack of knowledge, information. Hard to believe. But it is happening. Sigh.

Let's discuss something else.

A boyfriend called it quits after four (4) years of being a couple. Reasons are vague and yet he still calls her and even say sweet nothings. If given a chance he would still see her and act as if nothing has been decided. And yet at the end of the day there is no commitment and the guy would say that he wishes that life could be like this.......

Something is definitely wrong. A guy who wouldn't want to commit is definitely someone who has not decided whether he wants to be with you forever. Yeah, he has things to do, accomplish etc., so the relationship is not on top of his agenda. Cool. But if I were you do not treat him as if he is your boyfriend already unless you also just want to play along. You can be friends or even good friends but that's about it. Never be intimate with him or hope that one day he will say in your face the words you are wanting to hear. Duh. No commitment with him? then be open with other guys. Date and get to know others instead of sulking and letting the world know how you were maltreated and unfair it is. Yes, I agree it is unfair but if you are not doing anything at all then you probably also like what is happening. C'mmon. Wake up! If he is ready then he will speak up. If he really likes you then he would know the risk of losing you to someone else if he doesnt do anything. You have the right to be happy. Your happiness shouldnt be tied to his or anyone's plans. Because you are not a plan or a goal. You are a person and you have to right to be free. If you decide to let go of him then he should without bitterness. Be free and see the world in a different perspective. You do not need anyone to make you complete. By yourself you are already complete and maybe finding another person to share this completeness is satisfying but not a requirement for your happiness. Blessed are you for being alive in this troubled world. Blessed are you to find someone who can respect your individuality.

What to do if he keeps on showing up on your door and continues to send "kakakilig' text messages?

Get REAL!!! and confront him. Ask him point blank what is he up to. What is his intention? What is he doing? If he continues to ask you about your plans for the day, who you've been with? you had lunch with? You have to right not to tell him the details especially if you are sensing any tension. Be free, I say.

Hahahahaahahahaha.... let me see.. i will read a newspaper or magazine concerning people's lives then I will answer it here in my blog. hahahahaha

What's next?

2008-03-10T14:47:00.003+08:00

Persistence doesn't know no end. So does learning and re-learning, discipline, humility, patience and then hope and faith. You know.... you want to practice these values only if you have hope. Do you want to excel? Then remember these simple values. It will lead you somewhere definitely. Beyond where you are right now. Definitely again. Never stop. Do not declare, "Finally, I am here!" that would be the end and it would be harder to get up in the morning realizing that you have achieved already what you always want. The thirst for more should always be there. I am not saying be greedy but against just learning to move forward after achieving something. Why am I saying this? For my own sake. :) Like, should I rest now that I am a step higher? There are more things to look forward to. The fuel of my engine now is different from what it used to be. I used up all when I push hard the gas pedal during my last race. I am in a pit now. Checking, evaluating but also planning for another race. Last week, I got tired really tired. I was stressed to the max. I got scared and that was when I thought about dying. Yeah, I was that stresed. Anyhow. Life goes on. Career goes on. Marriage goes on. Polo grows up. Finances should be managed on a daily basis. Waking up early in the morning is still a struggle. Finding time to exercise is also a challenge that needs to be faced. Get my point!

I get back again to great leaders. How do they manage to accomplish so much when we all have 24 hrs for all our activities. Imagine being a CEO, Chairman, President, Bussinesman., and what have you. Even newscaster. Working in the morning tv and still seeing them in the evening. Gee... where do they get all the energy and how do they manage their personal relationships without letting their loved ones be astray? WOW!

I am just a simple manager, simple family, simply needs so I am very far from their where they are playing. Do I want to be in their playing field? Why now? How in the world can I do it though? I am turning 35 yrs old and maybe have used up half of my life. The next 35 will not be any shorter or slower. It will still be fast. I already made my 2008 plans but I guess I (and Josephine) should look into the future and start visualising together.

What's next?

All in a day's work

2008-03-06T11:46:00.004+08:00

It isn't over yet. There are still too many goals to meet, a lot of activities waiting for us to participate into and service, service, service... Yeah, life is rich with things to do. It won't stop and it shouldn't. There are nights when I think about death maybe because right now I do not want it to happen. Unlike maybe when I was younger, it seemed it was ok then. But now?!!! Nope. It saddens me to think that my wife will raise Polo without me and it brings me to tear to imagine Polo not really getting to know me more. Yeah, right now if God permits, please let me leave until I see my children's children. What's good about it is maybe it led me to cautious about my present state of health. My father got his double bypass surgery at his thirties and in a couple of months now I would be in my mid-30's. Heart problem and maybe diabetes. These two are the ones I should always be careful of. I'm watching my weight as well. The highest I got was maybe 165 to 170lbs. My dad reach somewhered 180lbs. I do not want to even exceed 160lbs. That's where I am now. My target is 155lbs to 150lbs.

I got so tired last week and I really felt stressed and fatigue(d?). It lingered until this week which made me to decide to just take a rest yesterday. Why is it when it is time to work, it takes effort to stand up but when you know that it is a rest day it harded even to stay on bed? It is like given a million bucks which you can use in anyway you want to. Hard to figure out what to do. It got me excited so I woke up earlier and really not knowing what will I do for the day. Haahahahahahaha... weird. I end up watching a movie (Vantage Point - a great one) while eating Wendy's burger, grocery even if it isn't the time yet (though I find it really therapheutic), I had my car waxed after thinking about for a couple of weeks already, a good massage then I went home to play with Polo. See.. no additional sleep but it energized me. Sleep isn't really jsut the answer to a tired body. Find other activities that could relieved the stress out of your body.

My work. Too much and too hard to manage and control. More difficult that it was last year. Not because I am a manager now but it seems like there are just coming without end. Aaaaaaaaargggghhhh.... The answer of course is discipline, order, time management and lots of prayers. :)

Whew! One year of parenting and loving it!

2008-03-02T11:41:00.003+08:00

in
A lot of people say that being a parent is extra challenging. It saps away everything from energy to the last coins in your pocket. Yeah, I agree though sometimes they fail to share the joys of being parents. Here's one picture that I guess captures why we feel so blessed having Polo.

We are so happy seeing our son always smiling. He has his tantrums from time to time which makes him normal. : ) Over all Polo smiles more than he is crying or anything.

Going back to parenting. One year. That's not enough to say that we've mastered anything. Nope. If we are in the military we are still in the lower ranks, Privates! Salute. I understand that it is a lifetime commitment without rest or until I rest in peace. hahahahaha. No VL or anything. Hard work all the time. But being a full time Daddy is the best job on the planet. Rank #1 of all time. See that smile on Polo's face. That's our compensation our reward our medal. I speak maybe for all parents out there. We always want our child/ren to be happy. Always.

Polo got sick maybe four times in his first year. The last two I guess were not worrisome but the first two really stirred fear in us especially when he had to be tested for denque and the doctors had to get a sample of his blood. We like his Pedia Doctor. Doc Joey. For us, He is the best out there. He took care of Polo's medical needs and I guess his wellbeing. Kaya at the end of Polo's med check and to hear him say that Polo is a well baby. Another medal for us. Also, Josephine deserves to have a gold medal because until now she is breastfeeding our little boy. That's shows her devotion and dedication to make sure that Polo only gets the best. I know it isn't easy. To see her doing it for a year is made me just love her even more. Salute.

Hmmmm... if Josephine and I are going to give rewards then Mommy Annie deserves to get the highest honor. She never blinked in taking care of Polo even if it caused her back aches. Right now, she can no longer carry Polo but still her dedication is still there. Then I guess we also commend Princess for being Polo's favorite Tita. She has this knack for making Polo laugh. It so unique that not even I can compete with her.

We are now looking forward for another year. We know that the package remains the same. Challenging but another level of fun. It is truly a blessing to love Polo and to take care of him.

Polo Emoticons

2008-02-11T11:09:00.000+08:00

listening....
thinking.......
laughing.....
guilty?....
interesting.....

amusing.....

intrigue.....

(all pictures were taken by Alan)

Not too many times

2008-02-05T12:04:00.000+08:00

Is it February? What happened in January? It is like it passed by so oh so silently. Even the Lenten Season would start early this year. Tomorrow will already be Ash Wednesday when last year, I was in the Hospital waiting for Polo to come out!

Our adorable child will turn One year old on Feb 21. Imagine! That's how fast everything is. From a very fragile infant into move-over-your fragile stuff away from this happy child. Well, he hasn't really broken that much yet. The first I think was the Thermos. So, here's to Polo for more things to break... :)

I was in Tokyo Japan but I never had time to share what happened in that trip. I never had time and I can't seem to find the groove to write anything. Yeah, still have so many things to do in the office. Many many many things.

I already bought the external hard disk that I've been wanting to buy. 120GB. Great accessories. I already transfered all the photos and videos from my laptop to this gadget. My laptop now can breathe! I do not even have to be worried from our IT in case they check what's inside this computer. All work, man! All work.

Back in Tokyo. I was fortunate to witness the first snow in Tokyo this year. Ok but it wasn't heavy like the previous ones. They say it is rare to have snow in Tokyo so I guess I was lucky to see it. But not that much since it was thick enough for me to pick it up. Tokyo didn't turn white at all. Oh well....

hahahahahahahahaha.. The boarding time I thought was 7pm. So, I leisurely strolled around Narita Airport. From North wing where Northwest gate is located, I went as far as the South Wing. So, I looked for somethings to buy for everybody especially for Josephine, Marieli and Polo. Something unique. I end up buying just a couple of shirts for Polo, Japanese CD for Marieli and a bracelet for Josephine... then I heard that the last call for my flight!! Ran ran ran as fast as I could (it was like HK experience all over again). It several minutes before I was able to board the plane because of security check ups. I thought I was the last one. A lady came in last. I was exhausted and smiling inside but of course the passengers were not all amused. Someone asked me where I had been. I told him but he doesn't know where it was because it was just a stop over for him in Narita. He came from US. Too bad. No need for me to say a lot. I knew they were tired and excited to go home in Manila. :)

Just a little

2008-01-19T01:22:00.000+08:00

What am I supposed to do at 2:30am? Yeah, I am checking out my Tokyo trip this Sunday. I want to know ahead of time what I can see near the hotel. I also listed what I want to happen while I am there. First thing in my Agenda actually is my plans for 2008. To be honest, I have not started it yet. Tsk Tsk tsk.... Too bad but look I will do it in Tokyo. It took God to place me somewhere far so I can concentrate on the things that I have been ignoring. I really hoep to achieve these plans.

Ok. I am sleepy..... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz... cant continue.. Sorry

Great, 2008 is faster than I expected it to be!

2008-01-16T12:07:00.000+08:00

Finally, I am about to finish a book. Last year, I screwed up. I had so many books but I never finished a single one. Very bad! This year not only do I plan to finish reading those books, I also would like to read more. Sources of wisdom, ideas, understanding and even good jokes.

So, I bought this book last week. Babywise book two. It is not as thick or it is not even thick! hahahahahaha.. It caught my attention because it is all about raising pre-toddlers. 6 months to 15 months I think. Polo is turning 11months next Monday. I started reading it and learned somethings I (or we) sometimes ignore in caring for children in the age group. Like, they are ready for discplining (not the physical stuff of course), how to encourage them express themselves thru sign language since verbal skills are not there yet. From 1 to 5, I give this book 3.5. Kulang pero helpful naman. I'm in the last chapter. Actually, it is an annex na. See. I've accomplished something already. Great!

Oh wait, there is another book I am reading. the 48 Laws of Power. Interesting and funny. It is the concise version so I guess I will be able to finish it very soon. That's two books in January!!! Wow! :)

I will be going to Tokyo, Japan. Totally different from India. What they share in common I guess is (in my opinion) their rich culture. Different of course. But Japan and India have been in this planet for so very long. I might not be able to see the whole Japan but I will try my best to see and appreciate their historical importance to our world.

I've telling/preaching people to make sure that they plans/goals for this year. To tell you the truth, I have started writing mine. What a bad preacher I am! I have of course an intention to finish this exercise. I want to and I have to. It is in my system. I admit that it was hard for me to free up my schedule to really just sit and jot down my plans. So, my first day in Japan (w/c is a Sunday) will be devoted for finalizing my plans. 2008, I am almost there! :)

Goodbye 2007. Review

2007-12-28T14:29:00.000+08:00

I have experienced great joys in 2007. There were challenges which required a lot of patience. Three more days to go and all I can say is that I accept everything with all my heart and mind. I will treasure these experiences and then time to move on once again.

2007 Highlights

January

My favorite message was: "Rule in the midst of your enemies"

Mayor events: Baby shower of Josephine

First glimpse of Polo through 4D

Bad trip moment: Citibank experience

February

Gift of the year: Juan Paolo Andre's Birth

Favorite message: Ephphata (Be opened)

Tragic moment: Death of Chili, our dear fish

March

Greatest moment: Becoming a daddy and experiencing it the whole month

April: Major Event: Polo's baptism

Favorite message: Wait for the Lord with courage; be stouthearted and with for the Lord

Senti Moment: My memory of my dear sister when she was still here in Manila

May

My request: A Christian Mentor (nope. hasnt arrived yet)

Favorite message: And Behold I am sending the Promise of my Father upon you

Favorite Post entry: A miracle in May

Event of the month: First Mother's day celebration

My Favorite Picture of Polo:

June

My new found favorite mall: Bonifacio High/Serendra

Place to die for: Boracay

Event of the month: First Father's day celebration

Favorite message: Sit at my right hand until I placed your enemies under your feet

July

Event of the month: Birthdays of Josephine, Daddy, Kuya and Me.

First family outing at Subic

Polo's first swimming experience

Visitor of month: Ate Imelda and his son

Shocking moment: Cost of eating at Spiral Resto and paying for it

Favorite entry: Something about us

Revelation: My promotion

August

Praning moment: Polo getting sick

(just one post in August)

September

Country visited: The mysterious India

Frustration: My promotion

Milestones: Polo can crawl and sit

My poem: No one like you

Favorite post: A day is created (and always meant) to be beautiful

October

Favorite Message: Go on your way
Event of the month: DLSU UAAP Basketball champion again (and defeated ADMU bigtime as well then UE who never lost during the elimination bowed down to the Archers)
Career status: Getting impatient
Polo's moment: He received so many toys from his grandparents in US

November
Great learnings: A lot of nursery rhymes
What I've been waiting for: My promotion!!! Wipeeee
Favorite bible character: Eleazar
Relief: No more parking fees

December
Event of the month: 3rd Wedding anniversary and Christmas
Getaway place: Caylabne with the whole family who came in one at a time
Gifts of the month: Brand new Hyundai Tucson and my new pair of Crocs
Not so nice experience: Getting sick because of the stress
Accomplishment: Being able to write my 100th post!

Merry Christmas 2007

2007-12-26T12:09:00.000+08:00

Polo's First Haircut

BEFORE
DURING
AFTER

Polo's haircut

Josephine and I really thought that his hair was already so uncool for a cute boy like Polo. His hair was growing on his the side if his tiny head but the middle part remains bald. It was really bad for picture taking unless he was wearing a hat. Yes, the folks kept on reminding us that we should cut his hair after he turns one. I'm sorry according to my discovery and national geo or even myth buster knowledge, cutting of hair after one is more of a culture/tradition or anything else. Yeah, so many people questioned our wisdom for doing so but we had to ask what their reasons are but nothing the APA can substantiate. The answers are more of a hand me down from our grandparents. His pedia actually gave us the go signal. We had to cut those hairs! I don't want Polo to have a bad hair day during his first birthday party. Look, he looks better! :)

Stressful Christmas

We had fun. I did. It was Polo's first Christmas after all. I just have been promoted. I have a new car. Full of blessing really. But here I am, 26th of December, sickly. Actually, even Josephine has colds (no please, i hope not Polo). I can say that this was the most exhausting and stressful Christmas ever! It drained my 34 years old body to its last calorie (though, my fats are still safe). Praise God for my new Hyundai Tucson! I find it easier to drive. Yup, I struggled at first but it is a lot better than the Honda City. So, that helped me coped with the monster traffic that we had to face everytime we visited Greenhills for our Christmas shopping.

Polo had to stay up late for how many days and it culminated on Christmas eve. I feel sorry for him. I could see and feel how tired he was. He wanted to sleep and rest but because of all the merry making, he had a hard time sleeping. To think that it would be noisier next week (New Year's celebration). But as I've said, in spite of this experience, we still enjoyed our Christmas with our Family. Praise God for all the blessings we received this year. Polo is the best of all the presents we received and we received as early as February. :)

Merry Christmas to all!!!
Let's all praise and thank God. He is the reason why we are celebrating this special day. Because of Him, we are saved. His gift was his own Son because that is how much He loves us. We've encountered trials and joys and he we are still. Alive and kicking!

pictures pictures pictures

2007-12-06T11:08:00.000+08:00

do we really have to pose like this, mom?

Im with my cousin, ate Praise

Serious family (kuno)

I love swimming! where is daddy?

my cousins!

mommy!!! my cheeks are heavy!

Again with Ate Praise

Done swimming

with my cousins Kuya Isaiah and Ate Praise

where is my food?!!

Kuya is driving!

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..............

family picture

am I heavy?

can I eat this rubber ducky, mommy?

waz up?

what happened?

I can't wait to eat..

how does this works?

Celebrating our 3rd year wedding anniversary

2007-12-03T14:33:00.000+08:00

At first, I really wanted to celebrate it with our close friends but the schedule was tough. We can not force them to join us. I realized over the weekend that maybe it would be best to gather the family first before others. Finance was a concern but a good (early) planning next year maybe could help. Dont jumped right into a should and should not or do's and don't about this matter. At the end, we had our family celebrating it with us in Caylabne. We all enjoyed the gathering and it wasn't that expensive.

November 30.

We packed our bags into our small car (maybe Ezekiel's final assignment-long driving) and headed to our Caylabne adventure for a 3 days 2 nights stay. Me, Josephine and Polo made a stop over at the Petron station for our Mcdo lunch. I think whether we need to stop or not I guess we would have to. I mean. It is like a tradition already if you are heading south. A stop over is always fun. It was also Polo's first time to go to south. And the picture taking has started! :)

It took us about two hours to reach Caylabne. Too bad Polo was sleeping and he failed to see the hill that we climbed to get to the resort. I thought we still had time to go swimming but it was really cold. We had our merienda and Polo had his and by the time we finished everything it was already getting dark. So we ordered our dinner even if we just finished our snacks and later on watched the cultural presentation of the staff of Caylabne.

Polo got tired and we went back to our room so he can rest and change clothes. As for me, I went to the break water to catch fish. It was really cold and I was all alone. At first I just caught small fishes and a lot of "sabit". I was running out of weights because of the waves and the rocks. That didn't deter me to pursue my goal. So I prayed that I may catch a Maya Maya or a Talakitok or a big Lapu Lapu. After I said my prayers, I caught a big fish, a Maya Maya! Whoa! Prayers work! I went back at our our room at maybe midnight already. Satisfied.

To be continued:
December 1, Anniversary day.

Few more days

2007-11-27T11:41:00.000+08:00

For the first time in my life, I know nursery rhymes by heart!! hahahahaha! Thanks to Polo who has several DVDs of Barney. ( or I should thank Barney for correcting my nursery ryhmes and actually being able to complete the whole song). I love Barney! Imagine, I am a 34 years old daddy and yet it is only now that I was able to correct a lot or all of my nursery rhymes. I'm so soorrrrrrrrrrry my countrymen but I preferred playing outside our house thatI didn't have time memorizing these things. I grew up outside our house because I spent most of my time in the street playing with other kids. That would be tough for Polo to follow. He can't be me. I think I eat breakfast at 7am then goes out to play return at 12 for lunch then sleep a little (10min maybe) then play again until 7pm and sometimes I still manage to go out and still play before going to bed. That, my friends, was my schedule during summer when I was a kid.

I did a lot of things. I had a lot of outdoor activities. I can not imagine my son doing all these! One. I am a safety first person. Second. I dont think children are still playing outside. Well, Polo and I can always share play station. I can not imagine Polo climbing to the top of a tall tree or crossing a river even if a lot of people died in that river. Or seeing him torture frogs to death. hahahahaha.. no no no no.. He will be different and more cultured/refined I guess. Is it good? I guess so. Everything that life offers is always good. Blessing. What ever happens I just want to share Polo my relationship with God. Above all. That will be the first thing that I will teach him.

Praise God I will have a new car. Thank you thank you Lord. Ezekiel needs a lot of fixing. I will let kuya take care of him and at least he can restore our car to its original state. God gave me that car five years ago. It is His gift to me and I am sad that it has deteriorated so much. Though, I know that it is something expected. Basta, kung ano ang puedeng ayusin ayusin. I dont know if I want to sell Ezekiel because of its sentimental value but I guess we have too. I will ask God and let's see. :)

Hi Marieli!

Basta never hesistate to tell me anything or ask me anything. I am your brother and time nor distance will never change that! :)

96th Entry

2007-11-22T16:33:00.000+08:00

Happy birthday to my Dad! (Yesterday, November 21). May God bless you with peace and joy and of course good health as you enter another decade.

I remember exactly last year, Josephine and I found out that we were going to have a baby boy! I immediately called my parents to tell them the good news. They really want to have a baby boy Agustin. Ok. They did. The youngest carrier of our surname.

Incidentally, yesterday Polo celebrated his 9th month birthday. It was simple. We had no money to buy the cakes we used to buy so we just bought Ube macapuno roll! That was enough for Polo of course. He was so happy yesterday and I really am touched whenever I see him like that. Anyway, the only people there to witness his 9th mo bday were me, Josephine and his lola Annie. He is now eating like pacman as if his belly has no limit. Go go go.. big boy!

Speaking of birthday. BELATED HAPPY BIRTHDAY TIN TIN RACHO!!!!!! yipeeeee..yahooo..yipeeee... NOVEMBER 16. I will take note of that. so next year I will not forget it anymore. Special mention ha!!! I pray that you will meet more people and gain more friends. Otherwise they will miss a good friend if they fail to meet you! I hope that you will find "The One". uuuuuuuuuuuuyyy... it can mean a convent as well.. hahahahahaha.. Oh well, oh well.. madame.. baka magkaroon na ako ng bagong car.... kaya sana e makasabay ka uli sa amin.. pero mga next month pa.. :) O ayan, special ka na ha! isinama kita sa blog ko.. :)

Yes! I will meet one of my goals this year. Salamat! this one is simple. To be able to post at least 100 entries! I am just 4 entries short. Dami ko pala nasulat this year. Makulay. I guess it is because of Polo.

Eleazar

2007-11-20T11:43:00.000+08:00

" At our age, it would be unbecoming to make such pretense;many young people would think that the ninety year old Eleazar had gone over an alien religion. Should I thus pretend for the sake of a brief moment of life, they would led astray by me, while I would bring shame and dishonor on my old age. Efen if, for the time being, I avoid the punsihment of men, I shall never, whether alive or dead escape the hands of the Almight. Thereforem by manfully giving up my lifenow, I will prove myself worthy of my old age, and I will leave to the young a noble example of how to die willingly and generously for the revered and holy laws."
from 2Mc 6:18-31

Amazing how Eleazar hold on to his principles even if it would mean his life. Amazing as well that his sentenced was carried out even at his age. Two principles colliding. Can I do the same? Literally, it is something I can not answer. To die over principle. Wow. He died not because of pride because 1. He wants to be a good example to the youth. 2. Because of his love to God. It is easy to say that I will die for Jesus but will I ever have a chance to be confronted by such an agonizing and terrible situation. I am living in a country where we can tolerate any religous belief. I guess I do face lighter situations.... I admit that I fail at guarding my love for Jesus in small things. How will I be entrusted with more then? Whether I do it or not, Jesus remains the same. He still loves me dearly. He still blesses me. He he still with me. Hirap hirap hirap. All I can say Jesus, you are still in my heart and mind. I may not be as mature as I should be in my relationship with you but I want to remain with you. I know my dearest friend that you have stood by me. I acknowledge your presence and sometimes I admit that I deny it.

Eleazar, the first time I read his story. It made me think and be inspired. He died a long long long time ago (BC) and yet his reason why he chose to die is something that is admirable until now. I know you are in heaven for a job well done. I hope that in my life time, I will be able to meet a man like you. Someone I can emulate and be like one someday. To do my best for my God.

It is a new day!

2007-11-15T13:47:00.000+08:00

Outside, the rain is pouring it all to us. Not really strong but a long continuous rain since this morning. Gray weather. It is really dark and cold. Gloomy ey! I heard someone said it's a BED weather. If you ask me, yeah.. it would have been better if we can just stay in bed for the whole day. Ok. Whew... no can do.. :) But at least it is already Thursday!

It is a new day indeed for me. Time to clean up some mess. Some for keeps others straight to the garbage can. No time for sorror but only for rejoicing. Change of point of view! A paradigm shift! Enjoy it a bit then I will have to pack on my new clothes, tools, ideas, equiptment and then continue the journey. Ok. I still have to celebrate! :) But unlike this rain I dont think I want to pour everything. It isn't the end of a journey yet. I just arrived in a comfortable station, a milestone. Stick the flag then leave.

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Our newest helper left this morning. She just stayed withus for one night. I thought she would spend a goodtime with us but unfortunately just like the rest she decided to leave. Wow! I dont get it. What is wrong?!! In less than a year, I think 9 helpers have already entered and left our house. High turnovers. A lot of them just spend a night then the following morning they tender their resignation because of so and so reasons. Maybe valid but really frustrating! I just wish them well but for those who left and not being able to get a decent work. You just wasted an oppotunity and I am not sure how sincere you were with your intention to work. Oh well. That's life.

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Matt and Nathan went to the apartment of Matt's long lost father. There was tension at first and then later on Dad of Matt shared his reasons which made Matt to let go of his suspicion and his defense. Clever. Dad called Matt in a room and when Matt entered it became a prison cell. Inside, he was confronted by his problem with his ex-wife which maybe was his fears/concerns and Nathan followed him inside the room but was greeted by his deformed burnt image. Both of them were fighting their symbolic concerns only to realize that they were actually fighting each other and that Matt's Dad tricked them. :) - from Heroes season 2.

Ok. I guess we do that. We unknowingly fighting a ghost of our past.

Good bye parking fees!

2007-11-14T10:05:00.000+08:00

Php110, Php115, Php160 and upto Php19o. The the cost (range) of parking fees which I have been paying since 2002. Five days a week! Good bye LKG, metro parking, ayala parking PBComm. I got my car pass last Monday and I kept the last ticket I paid (Php160). I could save as much as Php3,800 per month in parking fees. Praise God. Thank God.

Gasoline allowance will eventually follow. Additional savings approx. Php6,000 per month. Significant savings. I just have to keep my receipts. No matter what the price of gas will be, I am allowed to fill up my car up to 200ltrs of gas. Whew!

Now, what about sky way toll fees. :)

There are a lot more blessings and I am happy. Lord, please guide me/us how to be good steward of your blessings. thank you.

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Lately, I felt being paranoid about so many things. I know that I am a positive thinker especially if my back is against the wall or if I am put in a corner. I can fight my self out of a desperate situation. But I realized that if things are doing great for me, I tend to think that something will happen bad! That, what I aspire for will not be given to me. Weird. For example, this promotion. I knew there is a great chance that I will be promoted this year. God reminds me to be careful with my thought, to relax, to trust Him, to allow Him to unfold before my eyes the blessings he has for me. Yet, I was always afraid. Afraid that I might do something wrong that will jeopardize my promotion. Afraid that people might see why I should not be promoted. Afraid that I am not really qualified. Afraid that there will be a major organizational changes and will affect movement................................ see, how horrible my situation was!! I had to bear it for several months. Lies and lies were entering my thought and imagination. Every delay was like a sounding cymbals inside a small cave. How I wanted to run. How I wanted to escape the moment! God knows all about it. Praise God. His love endures all things. He was there in all the scenarios I mentioned. He was holding my, embracing me tightly to calm me. God's love was so evident. It was His grace that lead me to read His words everyday and helped stay focused.
God, thank you thank you. Not by my strength. There are a lot things to do still. Why I have this attitude? I know I know the answers in my heart. But it wouldnt hurt if I can hear people giving me their thought about it. Why I think like that and how to overcome it! I am sure that this will manifest again one day and I am tired. I need help.

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Polo got sick last weekend. It is so hard because you know as parents we want him to be ok and yet it wasnt the case. Last Saturday night, his temp kept on souring until it reached 38, 39 and then the dreaded 40C. Pressure cooker! At 5am we decided to bring him to the ER. We stayed in the hospital for 6 long hours. Polo was sick, not getting enough sleep and irritable plus seeing him in pain when the doctor has to extract blood from him. AAAAAAAAAAAAhhhh!! Too hard to bear! The verdict. He has a slight ear infection caused probably by colds. The doctor gave a prescription and we immediately bought amoxycylin and paracetamol for his fever. Ok. Polo improved and started to giggle and smile after awhile. BUT after a day, he has rashes all over him! Allergic reaction to his medicine. again. So his pedia recommended for us to give Polo antihistamine and a really expensive antibiotic, zithromax.

His rashes are gone. No more fever. Today is the last day for him to drink antibiotic. We will bring him to his doctor today just to be sure that he is in pink of health. (draw back. almost all people in our office are in Macau now. Then two of the the coordinators are on leave today. I will have to go to the hospital later.. grrrrrr...) Peace. :)

8 more 2 go

2007-11-08T11:16:00.000+08:00

Let's rest and be at peace. Blessing should carry along peace and not bitternes nor resentment or anger. Blessing is side by side with peace, love and joy. Right?! Right! That's my decision. Starting today I will just enjoy. No room for such things in my heart. I am grateful and really blessed that everything has turned out like this.

Christmas has started and I think it is also the time to open our hearts with its meaning, its spirit. Yep. Christmas is peace. It is getting cold outside (for us tropical people anyway) but Christmas this year will be totally different than it was last year. No no.. Jesus didnt change his birthday nor the celebration but we have Polo in our arms this year! I'm so happy that Josephine and I are blessed with this adorable, sweet, funny, cuddly little boy! True true. Polo is the greatest gifts we have received in our three (3) years (just a few more weeks more) marriage. No one or nothing could ever replace him. He is gift number 1. Imagine our Christmas actually started as early as February! Polo will turn nine months two weeks from now.

So Polo, how are you doing? What can you say about your life right now? Are you happy? hahahahahahahaha... well, someday Polo might be able to come across this blog. Someday. He will be surprised that his life is actually documented by his mom and dad. separately pa. He will find his pictures posted in the cyberspace. Dont worry, son, lahat is artistically done! Great!

Time to plan for our wedding anniversary celebration. We realized that we spent our first two anniversaries in Tagaytay. This year....hmmmm.. might be in Caylabne where we celebrated Josephine's pregnancy! Polo was still in her tummy but now.. he can swim with us, fish with us.. Cant wait for December 1. Three weeks to go! We to plan plan plan and plan!

I am nearing my 100th entry!!! yehey! Starbucks planner..here I come!

Untitled

2007-11-06T11:04:00.000+08:00

For me feeling inadequate is not a serious matter. I acknowledge that there are still a lot of things to learn. In every aspect of life. I have achieved nothing. Not that I am putting myself down. Or not accepting the blessings and gifts that I received in my life. No. I say this because what really matters in my life is knowing and following Jesus. Then everyting follows. I am made complete because of His love alone. I sometime feel sad and unappreciated but the thought of having Jesus at my side is already an assurance that I am doing fine. When I turn my sulking face to him and receive His smile. I am ok. It is the same feeling whenever I sleep and seeing Josephine and Polo beside me. Or holding my wife's hand without really saying anything. Or to hear her laugh and see that she is doing fine. Or carrying Polo until he falls asleep. That feeling of assurance keeps me going. I have not stopped I realized in spite of the challenges I faced everyday. Not because of my own strength and will but more so because of His presence in my life. If I tired, Jesus lifts me up. If I feel hopeless, Jesus would just put His arms on my shoulder and I am fine. Different strength when I I rely on Him. Seriously. Is the race over? a big NO! Until my final breath I will continue to do what must be done. As much as possible according to His ways.

See now. I feel a lot is on my shoulder. So many demands around me. Yet, I can not seem to ask for what I want now. Who came in? Jesus. It feels good that in moment like this Jesus let me feel Him. Ok. I will do the obligations imposed on me. I dont care because I am ok with Jesus.
My life for the past 15 years is all about Jesus. I'm not a good witness though. But personally, I believe in Him and His guidance. It will not change by His grace. It has been challenged a lot but His firms hands do not allow me to drift off. He is with me everyday and in every way. I am not alone after all. There is much to know about His love. My friend. My mentor. My coach. My everything.

So much to do to feel depressed! There is a new road ahead and I will not rest yet. Not just yet.

Jesus words became a reality

2007-11-05T14:57:00.000+08:00

The Gifst and the Calls of God are irrevocable!

My friends sent me a message this morning and congratulated me as they gave the good news. After a long long long wait God has finally made people moved and formalized everything! Praise God. I thank him so much for this year! Polo of course is the greatest blessing of all. It was a promised fulfilled! Today... another promised He has given.

What does this promotion means to me?

A lot I guess. Not just the increase in salary or perks but somehow it is connected in how I feel about myself for quite a long long long time. You know, after what happened to me in college where my confidence/esteem/self worth fell to the ground! God helped me restored it. It was all my own doing and I have forgiven my past a long time ago. I decided to move on and I found it extremely difficult. I made a mistake and I knew then that I have chosen an unusual path. It was possible to cross it but it wasn't easy. I paid for my wrongdoings. Slowly, Jesus lead me to the right place where I should be. Following and trusting Him aren't that easy either. So here I am. Done. Not that I have achieved my dreams already but God has shown me the fruits of His mercy to me. Thank you Lord. I will praise and worship you all the days of my life.

Nothing is impossible with Him and when He promise something, claim that it will happen because it will. We only have to prepare.

Thank you Lord!

Sunday Sharing

2007-11-04T13:34:00.000+08:00

I thought I was about to die. An hour and half of light badminton was like hard labor. Prison punishment. No Kidding! I huff and puff and after just a few minutes I was out of wind. Bad. Really bad. We used to play 4 hours or more when we started playing badminton years ago. But now. My oh my!!! One year without exercise or anything affected my endurance. How will I be able to get back in shape.

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How did I spend our four days rest? Four long days!!! I rested most of the time. I want to and I need to. It is unlikely to have this long rest without applying for a vacation leave. And VL is really intended for out of town activities! Rest doesn't come as much as I want it to. Guess what?! I think this year is my healthiest ever. I got a flu only once and nothing more! Good! Good.

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Tomorrow is the day! I mean THE DAY! what will happen? I dont know. I will just expect for the best and nothing else. No plan B! Just one single thing in mind! It is a big thing! There is another opportunity though. I am excited to explore it since it is something that I wish to happen. Seriously. I read the challenges briefly and I think I can handle it. Though, I of course fear something because it is a risk and unknown. Lets see. I acknowledge I have to ask God about this and His guidance. Amen.

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NBA season has started. I am controlling myself so I won't again spend my energy watching and knowing what is happening in the NBA. Of course, I am still a Lakers' fan. Kobe Bryant rules! I also like Houston Rockets! T-MAC!! and then New Jersey Nets. Kidd, Carter and RJ. It has just started so I dont know yet. I like howw the Lakers played vs the Suns the other day and the fact that Kobe didnt have to do everything. Arriving at 4 am had obviously affected how the Suns played.

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My number one mall before was Greenbelt! Because of the open space and its clean surrounding and its beautiful building. Before, I even spend some Sunday mornings in Starbucks. 7am or so. Just being there. Silent. Writing my journal or simply to relflect. Then, I would leave at lunch time. Now, I am captured by Bonifacio Heights. Its structure is different from any malls. There is an open space where people can walk, children can play, or just sit there and think about life. Then if you get hungry, it is easy to just pick a restaurant and eat (expensive though). Krispy Kreme! Yummy. But if we need anything especially for Polo, we buy it SM!! Heheheheeh.. The prices are reasonable and all the things that we need, it is for sure in SM! There is one near our house. : )

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Our rooms (here in PQue and Marikina) are cluttered! I am choking whenever I see the mess we have. What do I need to do? 1. Check our wardrobe and find out what we can donate. Too much. If I dont use for months then it is bye bye time. Except for the seasonal clothes. As if, we have several seasons in the Philippines! hahahahaha. What about the other stuff? Shoes, bags etc., I really want a clean, organized, big room. One day. Right now, I must learn first to make our rooms liveable and breathetable(?). When I am stressed, it doesn't help me to be in this kind of surrounding.

In other news

2007-11-03T02:34:00.000+08:00

November officially came last Thursday. Everytime November is mentioned we only talk about All Souls day and All Saints day. Just two days. It's also the birth month of some of my friends and of course my Daddy. Speaking of which, let me share my family pictures aside from Polo.

I have not seen my parents and Marieli for like five years already. Too long. I really hope our plan to visit them will push through.

Mariel is all grown up. A smart kid! Keep it up. Dad has lost some lbs and I guessed he decided to have his hair like this so as not to make his gray hair obvious. Mom gained what Dad has lost. Think for your self. :)

I'm not sure if she will agree but Mariel does looks like Kuya. Oh, wait I have their pictures together.

I should have edited this picture and zoom in so the resemblance will be more obvious. But I dont have time for that.

Aside from a good education, the greatest gift my Dad gave me was showing (by example) how to love faithfully, truly, sweetly a wife. He loves my mom and we know it because he isn't afraid to show it to anyone. I mean then and now they are still sweet and they still laugh together and of course holding hands while walking.

My other sister, Michelle and his husband Deo Dandy. So far Josephine and Dandy are the only new daughter and son of Dad and mom. I hope a new one will follow soon.. ehem ehem...

We still have not experienced being complete. Dont know if it will happen or when it will happen.

I have to introduce Polo to them so he will grow knowing the people who love him. Not just us.

Few Words

2007-10-31T09:49:00.000+08:00

10 months have passed and here we are. How fast things are are?! Polo has turned 8 months and has showed significant changes. Growth spurt! Go! Go! Go! Oh, aside from Christmas we should plan for Polo's first birthday party! What a happy child he is! Happy Happy Happy. The nearest celebration we will be having is our wedding anniversary!! Wohoooooo! Wohoooo! 3 yrs. Wonderful years. Beautiful years. Josephine, my beautiful wife. Loving mother!

1. God
2. Family
3. Career
4. Friends
5. Others

Five important parts of my life. Time to re-group. Time to think! Time to plan.

Oh no! I have to go to a meeting now!

Polo working

2007-10-30T10:47:00.000+08:00

"This is where we live, Earth. Why is this star smiling at me?"

"Yup? Is there something I can do? I'm busy but let me check my schedule"

" Hmmmm... how will I make this thing fly? Let me see... e=mc2, the gravitional pull and the weight of the object.... mass x volume.... oh, I just need a strong arm!"

"Hep hep hep.. i have nothing to do with this mess. Daddy just gave me these toys!"

" Ok. For now this is ok, being cute and all. I hope Daddy will wear wings as well."

Talking to my self

2007-10-29T02:15:00.000+08:00

Tell me about the star that seems to be so far away
I see it but how just like you can I touch it
Or one day own one of those glistening gems
I don't get tired. I want to listen to you
I want to have my own stars!
Hang them on my wall and be my light.
Not just for myself I am telling you but for others too!

That's too big! Maybe you can but I dont think I can
Do you think so? I already have my own stars?
Who gave it to me? Oh yeah, you are right!
God did! I have my loving wife Josephine and my heaven sent Polo
Definitely, I see them alright especially if I feel lost and alone

Go on. It is good really to talk to you.
You enlighten me. Inspire me. Move me.
So tell me, what about those stars? Can I still reach them?
Do you think so? Apart from my stars, I can have as many as I want!
Wow! Not really. I am a simple man.

I want to travel with my family. See places of different interest.
Expose my child to the whole world.
A simple house where light can easily come in.
Surrounded by plants and plants where we can unwind.
A library of my own and maybe
Just another car to bring all we need where ever we go

A good education for my son and send him where we think is best for him
Additional degree maybe for me about the world
About people and cultures and arts
I like that

Sponsor less fortunate children to go to school
Move me here move me here because I think I can do this now!
I can give him food, I can give him clothing maybe
But education will bring him/her somewhere and improve his life
I want to help and be instrumental to them

If I want I can. Thank you. Be with me. Nothing should stop me from pursuing these
What makes me complete is something I should focus on
Like what you've said. Discipline and faith in God.
Excitement instead of fear
Goals rather than difficulties
Bridge instead of walls

There is hope. It is enough. One day. It can make me happy.
One day. Just one day. No need to wait for tomorrow.
Or ponder too much on yesterday. One day is today.
Now. Now is the life that I should live.

I will capture my star. Now. Place around it a tight rope.
Not to trap it but to let it carry me to other stars.
Thank God. I am. Really!

A few minutes to spare

2007-10-26T12:31:00.000+08:00

I only have to wait a week and I will know. It is near so near that I can't help but get excited. Oh, I hope it will turn out the way I want it to be. I read an article by Jack Canfield and it was like the article was referring to me. Yes! I have so many things that I want to do, tasks that I need to finish, Plans that remains plans until now and much much more. It is true. These unfinished business are really pulling me down. Like balls in a chain that tightly clamps my feet into the ground. Cant move up, sideways, or whereever. Just stuck.

In fairness, not all the things in my life is considered stagnant. I mean. Yeah, there are just some plans that I want to happen but nothing is happening. One. I guess I have to list it down. 2. I need to know what I need to do. 3. Deadline. step by step, Marvin. Little steps will eventually lead me to where I want. Ok. But of course without the chains then I can lift my feet farther.

Long weekend!!! Oct 29 is election day (again). No work. October 31, half day most probably. Nov 1 and 2 are holidays. So we will be back by November 5. Yahooooooo! But then again. I am sure there will be a lot of things to do by that time. I will just have to check my emails at home.

I guess it is the best time to review my plans, create plans, prepare for next year, clean clean clean.... :)

Not Another Promise

2007-10-18T09:41:00.000+08:00

"Go on your way" from Luke10:1-9

Has someone made a promise to you but you've been waiting for it to happen? How long can you handle it? Is it a test of one's character? How long will you be able to function without being distracted? Think think and tell me about it. I need to know.

I am a patient person. With circumtances, with people or practically anything. I can wait hours without really getting upset (provided I am not hungry). Let me wait in Starbucks, I can spend the whole day sitting and reading or blogging and I will not be angry. See. I am patient. So when something bothers me already, it is really streches my patience to its limits. Waiting not only what I mentioned above but basically in anything.

If it does affect me, I turn to God to help me. Aaaaaaaaaaarrrgghhhhh...... too difficult to bear.

I seldom doubt people and when I do, I know and feel that I am doing something wrong, Me. Always a benefit of a doubt. That's me. I still of course say something bad against people from time to time but I do feel bad about it afterwards and I try my best to correct it. Ok. Some people will also push me to do otherwise. Not easy. But hey that's life.

I hate being late. Hate it. hate it. hate it. I do not want to be late but I can tolerate people being late. As for myself, there is this standard that I always want to meet. Always. Just imagine how I feel when ever I am late or we are late in any gathering. Sad.

What else. I dont like noisy people (so, I hate my self.. hahahahaha). Noisy in a way that the conversation is so about him/her. As if he/she is the most superior of us all! I guess no one likes that. I do not like women laughing wildly. No matter if it is high pitched or low tone. Basta. It is annoying.

Honestly, I am afraid of giving promises because I believe that it is something that I should fulfill. Like, when I was India. I promised a vendor that we could meet/dinner after the day's event. Then, I realized that it would have been better to join the group instead of meeting with that vendor. I tried to cancel it but the vendor stated the article of commitment. So, I acknowledged and I gave in. Was the meeting worth it? maybe not that much in terms of business. But I guess it felt good that I fulfilled my promise.

Promise me? be careful. I will believe in it.

For another Mar in NJ

2007-10-17T14:13:00.000+08:00

Dear Marieli,

My not so little sister anymore. I understand your sentiment and observation and I guess it is a by product of really being too far from each other and for the time we have not seen each other. When you left, I knew that it will be like this. I definitely have not lost my connection with you. I guess you were so little then while I was already grown up. You know what I mean. As I've said in my previous post, I still miss you and think of you but it is just hard to bear knowing that I can not do anything especially now that I have a family of my own. This doesn't mean that I have already distanced myself to any of you. This is the reason why I try as much as I can to stay connected to you and our partners. That's why even if it costing me to call you guys especially on special occassions, I still see to it that I call.

Don't get me wrong. I have not really explaining here but only I want to reaffirm to you that whatever happens, where ever we are, time and distance will not be able to separate us. You are my sister. As I've said before, we hope Josephine, Polo and I will be able to visit NJ next year. I hope. I hope. I also want Polo to have a good connection will all of you. Because we are family.

See you soon.

Blue Gloomy Day

2007-10-15T12:07:00.000+08:00

Maybe I had another exhausting weekend and that's the reason why I notice somethings which I try not to focus on or dwell on in normal days. Rewind. Let me share what exactly I am feeling and not what I am thinking. 1. Frustrated 2. Disappointed 3. Sad. 4. Angry 5. Exasperated. I know these will go away maybe tonight or tomorrow. You know. I feel stuck. Don't mis interpret me. Josephine and Polo are part of my innermost circle. Excluded and immune from my craziness. But no one else has the same previlege. The greatest joy of life right now is going home with Josephine, seeing Polo and closing my eyes knowing that they are doing fine.

I am totally annoyed waking up in the morning and hearing tensed filled discussions. I hate it. I am a silent morning person. As much as possible I do want to be greeted in such a way like today! Annoying.

The weight of waiting is starting to be painful. It hurts not to know what and why nothing is happening. I can be angry but what good will it do to me. Nothing. Right now I am telling you it is a ton-heavy-burden that I am carrying. Good thing I listened to Hillsong London last week. "Jesus, I surrender. My hopes and plan. I place my dreams in Your hands. In your hands. Because I know who I am with you. No shadow of doubt. It is Savior's love for me..."

Amen to you Jesus.

Houseband and loving every minute of it

2007-10-09T10:22:00.000+08:00

Mommy Annie got sick last week. Coughing, felt weak and then fever. This of course meant that she will not be able to take care of our little boy. At the same time, we got worried that Polo might get sick also(so far, no sign of that.. yes, my superboy!). No choice but for one of us to take a leave. Jopay didn't report for work last wednesday then it was my turn to be a hands on daddy the following day. My only concern was how to give Polo a bath. I just realized that I have never tried that before. It was always Josephine and I only assist her.

While I was worried, I was at the same time excited. It was something new and bonding time for the two Agustins. I was planning to do a lot of things actually includingworking but i left my laptop at the office or catching up with my books and of course to watch Game 1 of DLSU vs UE championship game. I was only able to watch the game but the rest naaah.. Polo wanted m unconditional attention. I gave him that. I was happy, very happy I had time like that with Polo before he grows up. He smiled at alot, cry a little and we both laugh and laugh. It wasnt hard at all. I will treasure every minute of it. Polo knows if I'm there because he knows that I will not be able to resist him and would carry him after a few cries only (but he doesn't cry with his lola). I let him sleep on my chest and no I dont really feel his weight.

Yesterday, it was my turn again to watch over Polo but this time his Lola already intervened. She's doing better so she wasn't able to resist Polo anymore. I wanted to work but I just relaxed. I dont get to relax like that but only for a short moment. I still spent time with Polo and still gave him bath with his new toys which he didn't like at all. :)

Again.........AND NEVER SHALL WE FAIL! ANIMO LA SALLE!!!!

Between Now and Then....what?

2007-10-03T09:58:00.000+08:00

The question is, "Marvin, what are you goind to do?" I remember the time when I had no work for almost eight long months. Difficult indeed. I looked for a job but it was so elusive. I literally was able to enter all the buildings here in Ayala, walked and walked until my good shoes smiled and holes came out. Seriously, holes! Physically, mentally and emotionally tiring. Sometimes, there was an urge to sign a job order but within me I knew it wasn't for me. Thank goodness I followed God. I'm telling you, it is better to have a stressful job now that to be vacant for quite a long time without a job and of course money. Honestly, I was frustrated to God because at times I swear I could have accepted a job already but you know after praying His instruction was crystal clear. It wasn't for me. I can now say, God was right. : )

Anyway, the lesson is, I cherished that moment of my life. I have learned to respect and appreciate what was happening to me then. Today, it will be the same thing. Yeah, I've been waiting. I will wait but I will not focus on the waiting or what I am waiting for. It is going through the days and capturing all the things that are happening and do it properly. It is the Lord speaking right now and sharing to me some important life lessons. I decided to silence my self and instead listen to Him during this time and follow Him. After all, it is his gift. I do not want to missed out anything! Lord, continue to open my eyes. Let me see for myself everything as I wait. I understand now and still Lord, I offer it to you. I know from the past and I've seen your work. You are not yet finished with me but even then I am doing fine now.

Thank You

Weekend Tidbits

2007-10-02T10:53:00.000+08:00

As usual, same story. We were busy last weekend. Before it was just us but now Polo is part of the equation.

Saturday.

We had to go to Marikina for our Laundry so our day started early. We left at 8:30am and arrived in Marikina at 9:30am. Bad weather, bad for laundry. The hassle of putting all our soiled clothes in the car plus stuff for the weekends was stressful enough then we had to take it our again. We ate breakfast and Polo for the first time didn't like what he ate. Papaya. He ate it but after awhile he just vomitted. Good bye Papaya. Then, it was bath time for us three. Polo first and you know how it is giving bath to a baby. At around, 12 noon we left Marikina and went to Marikina Valley Hospital to pick up Dr. Joanne and we all went to attend a Financial Management lecture (Polo was present also and the nosiest : ) ).

The seminar ended at 6pm because we still had a one on one with one of the lecturers. Then off we go to Dr. Jo's house in Cubao for her to get clothings since Tyrone was still in the hospital. After that, we visisted Tyrone but only for maybe 20minutes. We went home in Marikina with Princess. What a tiring Saturday!

Polo had his first nightmare that night. Poor little fella and Josephine as well because she herself was frightened by that experience.

Sunday
We had to wake early again to attend mass. Same preparation. After the mass, we went back to the house to eat just a little and Princess and I went to Araneta to watch UAAP. It was exhausting of course because of all the walking, standing and shouting! We went back home at maybe 730pm then I had to put our clean clothe again in our car while raining (good thing I have a Caesar's Palace waterproof jacket. We left Marikina at 9:30 pm and arrived at PQue at 10:30pm. Wow! I slept at 12 midnight to wake up early the following day.

Oh, Polo had his first bukol (he is ok dont worry and his pedia knows about it already) last sunday.

Animo La Salle

2007-10-02T10:21:00.000+08:00

That says it all! Oh, it isn't clear.. ADMU 60 - DLSU 65! What a season for our Archers. Ateneo wasted an opportunity when they played poorly and lost to NU. DLSU grabbed the chance and had a twice to beat advantage while Ateneo had to play their hearts out vs. UST and then had to beat La Salle 2X. Imagine that mountain they needed to climb. Yeah, maybe mentally they were positive and sure that they could do it. But man, this isn't a movie! When they lost to NU for me they already lost it all! Yeah, we will give them their 3 wins vs our 2 wins against them. Brag about it (just like someone I know). Hey, we are here for a higher purpose (always!!) this is not just about beating Ateneo or any other school. I think one should play the UAAP to be champions. *Sigh* and I guess to play in the championship is the only way to accomplish it.

Anyway, it was great being in Araneta last Sunday even if we were seated in the bleachers. We took it. Though, in games I've seen over the past years I think that was not my number 1. For me it was the championship game against UST in the late 90s(?). Last game, winners take it all. We were leading (almost) all throughout the game then suddenly UST grabbed the lead in the last minutes. In fact, I think there was only 6 seconds remaining or so and UST was leading by 3 points. We were celebrating before that lead then there was silence.. even from the UST crowd. Wow... Aldeguer got the ball and sprinted to La Salle court and with a second remaining threw a Alleluia shot.. Unbelievable, it went it!! There was total pandemonium in the Cuneta Astrodome. He was even fouled. He could have won it right there and then if only he made the FT. But he missed it and it was overtime and La Salle got the momentum and eventually won. That was the greatest game for me. Back in La Salle that evening, we heard him talking to his mom (celfone) and telling her that La Salle won. Ren Ren was beside him and they were really really really happy!

Franz Pumaren vs. Dindo (an archer himself)Pumaren. It was like Joel Banal (ADMU) vs Koi Banal (FEU). I think I will not be able to watch it live anymore. Thursday, we have work and on weekends, I will watch Pacman. : ) Can't have more activities over the weekend otherwise someone will knock me out. :)

..........and never shall we fail! Animo La Salle!

Another First

2007-09-28T15:56:00.000+08:00

October in 3 days. How fast! Last year, we were busy preparing for Polo's big day. Now, we are preparing for his "walking" ground. As mentioned, he has crawled and has learned to sit. What's next? Walking! :)

It was my our first time to see fear in Polo's eyes. He was scared of a toy we bought from McDonalds. A small "dog like" robot. When I wind up this robot and let it walk, Polo was staring at it which I thought was just his way of showing his interest. We were actually expecting him to go after the walking robot. When I let that toy walk to him, Polo let out a shriek and he climbed hurriedly to his Lola Annie's arms. My dear boy was afraid. At first, we still tried to orient him with that toy and we thought he will be fine with it after several minutes. We were wrong. He was still afraid. Tsk Tsk Tsk.... bad robot!

Oh well. That's life Polo.

Again. It will be October. Christmas will be just around the corner. I've already started playing Christmas music but I will not forget my promise last year and the years before. We will be more ready this year for our Christmas shopping. No more cramming, please!!!! I dont think Polo is ready for Greenhills yet. Well, he can stay outside but definitely, I will object in bringing him inside the tiangge. We will be happy waiting inside Starbuck's for Josephine to finish her shopping!

Sunday will be a Big Day for both La Salle and Ateneo. I will try my best to watch it live at Araneta! I have not watched a single live game this year and I am fortunate to at least still have one last chance. Maybe I was happy a little bit when DLSU lost yesterday. But on Sunday, I will be happier if at the end of everything, La Salle will stand victorious and on its way to its nth Championship game. :) Animo La Salle!

Pressure pressure pressure.. That's what is like with me this past weeks in my work. I'm telling you. I am pressured with every project I have now. I'm telling you I am not sure at times how to move because of the pressure I am feeling. I am just so glad that Josephine and I are always welcome with a wonderful smile from our son, Polo. Best remedy to handle pressure though I still hope that my promotion would be made official. : )

A day is created (and always meant) to be beautiful

2007-09-27T10:38:00.000+08:00

"Go into the country, bring timber and build the house"

I have allergies. I have rashes in my upper arm and I think this is the first time that this ever happened to me. It hasn't subsided yet even if I already took anti-histamine and it has been there since yesterday afternoon after eating a spicy noodle soup (though, I only sipped). It is still itchy until now and red like a slice of watermelon. get the picture. At least it isn't spreading and it is just contained in that area.

Low resistance. Better than getting a flu again. Polo will not get this allergy.

I really really really miss attending prayer meeting and woshipping God with all my heart and pouring to Him all my concerns and everything. It has been a long time since I've attended one. I thank God for His grace though that I can still read His words and able to attend mass and sometimes He would let me feel Him. His presence. I would be overwhelmed and be quiet. My heart is looking and searching for you, Jesus.

The other night while carrying Polo I started singing whatever songs that enter my mind and of course I hard difficulty in getting the lyrics right (no, not because of age but I am not really good in lyrics nor nursery rhymes) so I decided to just look for a cd and sing along instead of forcing myself. I chose to play praise music. We started dancing and Polo was smiling then Josephine joined and right there and then I felt God in our midst. He was with us because we were having fun while prasing God through our songs and dance. Kodak Moment!

I'm telling you, at times I would feel lost and unaware of His presence and this situation would made me sulk and depress. When I start feeling bad or wallow in pity or feeling struggling to be positive, Jesus would just impose himself. If people consider me "makulit", Jesus is better than me. He would let me forget the challenges I am facing and will help me instead smile. At the end, He would re assure me of His love, support and most of all His assurance that I will just be ok.

Also, while cooking last weekend, an unwanted thought was lingered in my mind (I love cooking and for me whenever you cook it must be done with love. no negativity please) I was greatly tempted to entertain it and add more which for sure will make me feel bad (again, I was cooking so I dont want to feel bad). All of a sudden, I just prayed and prayed and prayed until I got excited more in my cooking. I realized that whenever I feel negative, it would be easier to pray to cancel the negative thought instead of welcoming it and ruin a beautiful day.

Yeah, it is extremely hard to realize this everyday especially if you are struggling but I guarantee that during this time the Lord is already embracing you. It is up to us to embrace him back, feel his embrace or just be angry, sad, depress, defeated etc., etc., The Lord is victorious and He is good. Always. Amen

No One like You

2007-09-25T11:11:00.000+08:00

Jesus keeps me hopeful
Allowing me to go through a day
Even if I do not know nor I understand
I am able to go on

I asked myself many times
Have I failed? Am I with no tomorrow?
What will the future be like?
I fear the answers

At night, I struggle to find peace
I am comforted to see my family beside me
My wife and my child
I am just doing fine

That's what Jesus whispered to me
Everything changed as I listen to His voice
It helps me sleep
Morning comes and I know in my heart
Jesus is with me.

I am ok.

Here I am

2007-09-24T10:15:00.000+08:00

I've been busy for so many weeks and I really never had time to update my blog. I denied myself of some rantings that could have spared me from some stressful situations. I wasn't able to freely express myself and be relieved with tensions that have slowly occupied my brain and heart. A month and half! That's long. I really hope I can meet my goal to end this year with at least 100 posts.

Ok. What's up with my dear life?

1. I'm not yet (officially) promoted to the next level of my career. Too long and I'm still waiting. Too stressful and it is beyond my control. Well, too happy and I will wait for the right time to come. I am a patient person. I know that. Sometimes, I get frustrated and disappointed because nothing seems to be happening. As I mentioned, for me it is important not only for its corresponding compensation and perks but it is a milestone and at the same time an appreciation of what I have been contributing to this company. I've been acting and handling this position for more than a year. People treat me as one and I have the confidence to act like one but at the end of the day there is a huge discrepancy. I'm still not one. My prayer "Oh Lord, you can move this mountain and I know You will. As I wait, may I not lose focus on You and Your promises for me and my family. May I still continue to praise you in everything. Amen."

2. Polo is now 7 months old and he did surprised us with his milestones. He can crawl and I am so happy to see him being able to reach and get toys far from him. Less frustration on his part. Then yesterday, he wowed us all! He was able to sit upright without any assistance. I think Polo even surprised himself. I saw his face when I let him sit facing me. No one was touching him and he was worried. Slowly, he learned to trust himself and there he was smiling at us and happy that he can sit. When got tired, he just fell down on his pillow contented and smiling. Polo, you earned 10 stars! (Highest). Two milestones in a span of two days.

3. I went to India. Ok. I apologise. I really tried to enjoy New Delhi. But maybe I can't. I think To appreciate India, you have to stay there for 3 months. Not to work but to explore this magical country. I only was able to grasp limited experience in my 3 days stay. Most of the time inside the sanctuary of the hotel. There was a conference that I had to attend. I guess my initial reaction was normal. I have seen other countries and I can not help but compare it. Oh, Philippines is much better for me but India has a rich historical/cultural background that attracted me to listen to an Indian. Awestruck. But I was not happy with my experience. First, the airport nightmare. I had a bad stomach for about a day after a night of tasting India's food. Then, exhaustion caught up with me that I had a hard time talking to people in a dinner event (Nope. I was able to eat anything). The following day, I was able to join a mini tour of New Delhi. I liked the Qutab Minar. Interesting history. I also wanted to spend several mintues in Indian Gate unfortunately, we can only take picture from the bus and from a far same with the Lotus temple but it is a modern structure. It didn't create any spark of interest to me. The others like the government houses which the tour bus just passed by were not at all amazing or amusing. Then we went to a "Kamish(?)" carpet store. At first the story of how the carpets are created would somehow lead you to sit and listen but after a while, I realized it was just a sales talk. We spent around 30minutes in that place. I can not and will not buy a USD15,000 carpet. I don't even have USD100 at that time. Forget it. So if we removed the government houses, temple and that carpet store tour, we could have probably visited other sites with greater significance.

Too bad. I had to leave that same day. I took a bath then went to the straight to the airport and waited for two hours to board. Then I waived goodbye to India. Who knows I will have another chance to visit and embrace this unique country.

I will share the pictures in other posts.

3. I spent five hours in Changi Airport (Singapore). I wanted to relax and you know this airport for me is so clean and efficient that it helped me to unwind. I also met up with my good friend Gericel and just updated ourselves with what's happening with us. Great to see her. Even though, it is still two hours to go, I had to say goodbye to Ge. Because I still have to buy pasalubong especially for my little boy.

I guess that's about it for today. Got to continue my acting here. :)

Polo is still a baby

2007-08-07T14:35:00.001+08:00

Started this post: August 7

I've been excited how much Polo is growing by leaps and bounds. How his motor and physical milestones have been manifesting. How tall he is vs his age group. Then, I would go back to reality that my son is still a five month old baby. He should be treated and looked upon as a baby and nothing more. I feel it whenever he cries and yup it is true a cry can pierce one's heart. My son seldoms cry. I mean really cry. Most of the time as I have mentioned before Polo would just smile or laughs. Sometimes, he would also express his boredom or frustration but not really crying as in crying. Wow. His cries are as powerful as his smiles and laughters. Honestly, he seldoms complain lying down or just sitting on his bouncy chair or carrier kaya I don't mind picking him up whenever he cries and quickly stops crying once he is in his daddy's arms. We would listen to his night music and a little bit of slow dancing and then off he goes to wonderland. I could place him right away in his crib or on our bed but I most of the time would just like to cherish these precious "kodak" moments.

Polo was earlier diagnosed to have a "suspected asthma" which greatly alarmed us. Wow! Not Polo our dear baby. I was so worried that I paused for awhile before was able to say anything. My mind just started to wander and got me to a cold and bitter world that I knew I had to stop myself from lingering in that place. Stop. I listened and asked the doctor about the things we needed to do in order for it not to progress or something. 1. Medication 2. Clean surrounding from any allergens including his stuffed toys (we already bid them farewell). 3. Pray that it isn't Asthma after all.

We bought the prescribed medicines and it was a costly weekend for us really. Thank God that we had enough to purchase a nebulizer and the medicines.

The following day we noticed that he pooped more that than he used to. I wasn't home and when Josephine shared it me I panicked again. Diarrhea is not good especially with babies. You know, we can't read their minds the only thing we can do is observe their behavior and their physical well being. No confirmation from Polo if he feeling this way or that. I was in Marikina but I readied myself to bring Polo to his real Pedia (the one we consulted the day before was the Pedia of a friend because Polo's doctor was attending a seminar). While driving, I called the doctor who prescribed the medicines then she said that it was actually normal and expexted but should not be more than 7x. Polo didn't reach that number. I ended up watching The Simpson's instead. But we still should have went to see Polo's Pedia. Because.......

Sunday came, Polo had rashes all over his body and he was really irritated maybe because of the itch basta he can't be pacified quickly. Worry worry worry.. what if it affects his breathing and he might choke because of the allergic reactions. We tried calling the doctor but she wasn't answering the phone. I had to leave our bedroom to relaz myself because I can feel that I was panicking and I am not really someone who easily panick especially in emergency situations (I know, I have experienced some life threatening moments already) but this, man and considering that Polo's condition isn't really on the top chart as something very dangerous.

Sick Baby Polo

2007-08-02T12:55:00.000+08:00

Totally new experience for us. So, this is how it is to see your own child getting sick. Polo has cough and colds since Monday (too bad, I think he got it from me). All we want now is for him to get better and we really mean and feel it. One, Polo can not talk yet so it is hard to know exactly what he is going through. Second, we can see how he is struggling everytime he coughs. The thing is unlike in adults "ey just drink this and you feel better". We can not give him anything but wait for the virus to pass away. Though, we will go to his pedia tomorrow so he can receive medication or for our own peace of mind (if you know what I mean).

Yeah. I heard and read it somewhere that sickness can actually develop his immune system. Will it, really? Seriously? I told Polo that life is really like this sometimes you will get sick just like anyone. We are here to help you as much as we could to make it easier and more comfortable.

I have to get well too. I also have been sick since Friday. Cough and colds. Good thing no fever or flu or anything more serious. I feel ok then after awhile I would feel weak. Yeah, stress in work will is directly proportional to getting well. (Did I state it right?). The more stress, the more you will get sick. Too bad too bad.

Tomorrow is already a Friday. Thank God. We will go to the doctor and I will have my rest tomorrow until Saturday. Laundry day. I guess I will be on my own this Saturday in Marikina.

Everybody is getting sick actually. Here in my office there are about seven sick people (including myself). Some have to take a leave already. It isnt just me or us. July is really a month of sickness because of the weather. It rains almost everyday but the sky would quickly clear and the heat of the sun would dry up and cause havoc on our physical well being. That explains why I always get sick on July. All along I thought it was because of my birthday, that I am cursed. I guess, the weather is more reasonable and logical explanation.

Good thing, Mommy Josephine isn't following the latest trend. She is strong and patiently taking good care of his boys. Praise God she isn't sickly like me. Exercise Marvin exercise! That's my body shouting.
-------------------------------

We had a seminar last week (while I was sick) and one of the activities asked us to draw what make my life happy right now (or something like that). Top of mind for me of course is my little family. The three of us. Josephine, Me and Polo. So that's what I wanted to draw and share to the group.

Here you go. I am sharing my masterpiece that any Juan Luna or Van Gogh will surely be envious of my skills as an artist.

Hahahahahaahahaha. I draw like a preschool kid. Hmmmm. Come to think of it, I like how I represented myself. A simple boy. But look at Polo!!! hahahahaha.. My child is just a five month old baby not five years old. I am so sorry my Josephine. Better visit your hair stylist. hahahahahaha. I have a good visualization on how I want it to be but...... the artist in me prevailed. I hope this can end up with "Tin's list of great work of art" in case she decides to start one.

Yeah, Mariel start laughing. hahahahahaha.. This is better that any of your anime. :)

Some Subic Pictures

2007-07-31T11:27:00.000+08:00

Going for 5, 29 and 34

2007-07-19T09:22:00.000+08:00

Polo will be a five month old baby this Saturday, July 21! Wohoooooooo! Yipeeeeeee! I will then be 34 on Sunday, July 22. Wow! I'm old! hahahahahahaha.. My dear wife will be 29 on Monday, July 23. Good for her.. still in her 20's. Last year.

You guess it right. It will be a celebration for the Agustin's! First only celeration of bday's since next year we will no longer have to celebrate Polo's bday by month. The celebration will start on Saturday. It will be for all the July celebrants. Daddy Dante (22 also) and my kuya ( 23 also. I hope he will be able to join us). We will have a big lunch celebration. The following day, Josephine, Polo and I will go to Subic for our regular family Get away adventure. It will be Polo's first out of town!

I can't concentrate. Got to go!

The Principle of Success by Jack Canfield

2007-07-18T09:25:00.000+08:00

Last night, I came to a chapter where there is an exercise. Nothing new. The instruction is to write at least 30 things that I want in my life to happen. Career. Finances. Properties. Investments. Relationships. Hobbies. That was easy. Mentally, I imagined how much (at this point of time) salary will make me comfortable or would satisfy me. I imagined that for me, leaving in a clean, modern 3-bedroom condo is something I hope to achieve. Spacious, with Balcony and it should be here in Makati. The best part of it, is that I dont need to pay for it and that while we are staying there we are at the same time already planning for our real home. My eyes were closed and I can smell the fresh scent of our condo, the wide LCD screen TV. Wow. Then, I saw three cars and all of them are Honda's. I went on with my imagination.

While going through the exercises, I felt good at first then it was like I reached a certain peak which made me to slow down. Just like in driving, I drive as fast as 130kph. That is the fastest speed I am comfortable with. Beyond that would make me nervous because maybe I am not sure if my car will be able to handle the speed and I too would be able to react appropriately if there is danger. Anyway. I slowed down and got nervous and it was like the bubbles are starting to burst. Came the thought that maybe I am wanting too much and it is something impossible. Not in this lifetime. Not when the tools I have are not enough to help me dig my treasures.

I started feeling bad so I stopped. I opened my eyes and read more of this book. Lo and behold, there was another instruction which I failed to read. "Do not limit yourself, your list." Just allow yourself to imagine what it is that you really like without "ifs" "but" "only" etc.,

I've been through this exercise before and I am aware that I can freely dream of what I want and yet I always end up maybe bursting my own bubbles. See. There is a transformation to me now and it is due to happen. It will happen this month and the coming months.

Bo's teachings last night also caught my interest. It was about addiction and how come we keep on being addicted into whatever it is. Be it substance, eating, sex, smoking, working too much and other addictions. The bottom line of all this addictions is that there is something that we want to be loved. If you dont know how it feels, you will search for it and turn on to something to substitute that feeling. SIMPLY, BO AFFIRMED THAT GOD LOVES US. It is new every morning. It hit me. Yeah, I can not ignore it because even though I know that God loves me, it was different last night. It was an affirmation, a commitment from God. Only He can fill up what we are endlessly searching for. He is the only one who can make us complete.

Going back to Jack, with this renewed spirit and a guidance from this good book, I know I will be ok. I will go back to my Vision of what a good life means to me. I will not be angry. I will not feel hopeless. I will no longer feel like a victim. Just like in the first reading today. God instructed Moses to rescue His people and Moses really felt inadequate. God said, "Do not be afraid. I will be with You". That for me is pure love.

I excited to make my list.

Books Books Books

2007-07-16T17:43:00.009+08:00

I can not help it but I now have several books and some of them I have not managed to finish just yet. Last week, I started a new one. :( BUT I am happy that I have a new one and it caught my interest right away. It's Jack Canfield's, The Success Principles. I have finished chapter one but the book is really thick so good luck to us all mankind. Hey, give justice to the tree!

I have spread my wings and ready to soar. Really? Yeah. Control my own destiny (with God of course) but I shouldn't feel trapped because of someone, somethings, etc etc., Wohoooo hooooo hoooooo... Though, I have just started with my plans and nothing is materializing yet. I know it will come. It will. Once it is here then I will see.

I want to have a mini library. I really have many books and magazine. Where to place them? NOWHERE!! Basta, I will have one in my own house. Gee. We will have a place we can call our home.

Janitor fish, a menace when allowed to breed on their own.

Still about Family

2007-07-12T09:32:00.000+08:00

Oh yeah? I do not have a problem Tita! and you?

This is my impression of my Blue teddy

I will be a famous celebrity one day. Just like my dad!

See. I can clap using my feet

Grrrrrrrr... finally my Mom bought me my Teether!

All I can say is that my loyalty belongs to my family first. Top of the pyramid (but not higher thean God). I will go where my God wants me to go keeping my family in mind and I am sure that God would want me to start everything my family. That's my current role or vocation now. A husband and a father. A provider.

There is no such thing as starting all over again unless you finish what you have started. If not, it will follow you where ever you go and so you have to go back again. Life is a process, a long continuous activity. Should not be a vicous cycle. It shouldn't be stagnant either. Life is meant to move.

I decided not too talk or dwell into my current situation. Not here in my work place. I have to divert my attention into something else. Something more creative and inspiring. Something a more mature person would do.. hmmmmmmm.. maybe look for another job? hahahahahahahahaahahaha.. You think so? If you are mature and you are really fed up and tired and starting to feel annoyed and disappointed with a lot things and still so many things to do, making tough decision, expected to perform so and so.. but at the end of the day.. you feel that you are not being treated fairly.. what are you going to do? ha? mature person???

Mature Person (MP): "Marvin.. this is the mature person speaking"

Marvin (M): Ha? Whadda?! Why is your voice like that?So creepy,Man!

MP: Ok ok ok.. that's beside the point. I will modulate.. ehem ehem

M: So, what's the answer to my question the mature one!

MP: The anwers are with you already you do not need to look far

M: Huh? Please not that I am lazy but I am really stressed and too damn tired to think now!

Answer me since you just pop out here and then you are giving this crap?!!

MP: OH! that's why you are not like me yet. Grouchy! impatient.

M: Go on now.

MP: Let me see. Here's how I see it. You are not happy...

M: Yeah, as if i do not know

MP: Are you going to listen or what? You feel like _________________

______________________. _________________________._________
___________________________________________________

MP: Then you should ______________and___________________.

M: Alright then. Thanks and you can go back to your old self. Your tone just got higher than the empire state building.

Something about us

2007-07-11T10:25:00.000+08:00

My cousin is here in the Philippines and I became her fulltime driver yesterday. I actually volunteered. You know after our HK experience with the Di Cicco's, Josephine and I would like to be like them. A good host. There you go. Not much opportunities to do it so I grab this one.

I've learned something about the history of my family, Agustin. Ate Imelda is the eldest of all the cousins (for her on both sides). Some parts of the story, I am already familiar with then she just supplied some details. Before the Japanese occupation, The Agustin Family was thriving very well in Apari. They were known and rich people until the Japanese came. The Japs took all my great granfather's properties and sadly they beheaded him. Then came the Americans whose strategy before is still like what they are doing now. Bomb.bomb.bomb and more bombs! I think that leveled all the properties of the Agustins to the ground.

My Grandfather, Paol0 (whom Polo was named after) was a Captain of a ship. Then The Agustin moved to Pasay where my father grew up but a tragedy struck again. There was a big fire that burned down the house. The Agustin then moved to Marikina where I grew up.

Right now, only me and my elder brother carrythe Agustin surname (from the lineage of Capt Paolo). Just the two of us! Wow! and so this means that Polo is actually the only young Agustin around. Not until Kuya fathers a son or Josephine and I are ready to have another little Polo.

Ate Imelda surprised me with her principles and vision for the whole family. She wants us to be successful and not end up to be ordinary people. She wants to bring back the glory days of the Agustins! Ok, Polo go go go go.. we will support you! hahahahahaahaha. :) Pressure. Me, I really want to be successful but not to the point that I will sacrifice my relationship with my family. Hindi na uso yun. Mas challenging yung to be rich and at the same the family is intact and close to each other.

Boracay. Simply the best

2007-07-05T10:16:00.000+08:00

It was just last week when I stepped on the powdery whitesand of boracay once again. Just twice in my life (and Josephine had been there several times). The experience is exhilirating still. I can not helped but be in awe. Am I in the Philippines or what? If I become a President of this country, I will make sure that all Filipinos would at have a chance to enjoy this beautiful island. Really. Seriously (borrowed expression from Grey's Anatomy).

It isn't easy to take pictures. It frustrated me when I saw my compositions. You know, balancing everything, knowing your subject/focus. The LIGHT!!!! Thanks to Google's Picasa! The application helped saved some of the composition and give justice to Boracay. I'm not saying these are the best pictures ever but for me I tried my best and they look good and I took them.

How was my "KJness"? Absolutely perfect! It was how I planned it. I controlled my own time and really I only joined people when I feel like doing so and most of the time it was during meal times. Free lunch, dinner and merienda. Why not join? diba? Though, I think I should have spent more time reflecting than taking pictures.

I can not say I didn't get scared during the plane ride. I was when we were on our way to Caticlan and I shouldn't have felt that way because it was a smooth ride but returning home was different! Yeah. Scary. I survived. We survived. Overall the trip to Boracay was all worth it except that I didnt spend it with my family.

Boracay in the next 24 hrs....

2007-06-27T10:46:00.001+08:00

"Every good tree bears good fruit"

That, I think is all about being parents. Wow. Do I want Polo to be a good person? Then, it is not just upto him. We have to good parents to him then. No excuses. I really pray I will be a good example to him later in his life. I want to show him how much I love his mother so he will really love his mother and learn how to respect women.
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I see their luxurious cars everyday and several times per day. Jaguar, MB, BMW, Audi, GM etc., Wow. Some of them use several cars in a week. Imagine that. The price of each maybe is equivalent to many years of salary for me. I just noticed. No explanation why I did. They earned it so they deserve it.

------------------------------------

Boracay time tomorrow. I guess the excitement wore off. One. We will be game masters. I'm KJ in nature. Two. It is like I want to rest with my family around. Three. Tight budget. Four. Ok, I have in mind a carefree Boracay. No structure or anything BUT we have to spend one serious day. Grrrrrrr.. My plan is made up. First day. No choice but spend time with the group. Second day. Wake up early to catch the morning sun. Roam around the beach for pictures. Have breakfast by myself. Go back to cottage. Snorkle. Go back to room. Roam around for pictures part 2. Lunch (by myself or join a group). Go back and sleep. Roam around again for pictures. Snorkel again. Wait for the sunset. Join the group for dinner. Spend time with the group. Then sleep. Day 3. Bahala na. :) Maybe spend more time in the bed. Loner! hahahahahaha.. Come on. This is a great opportunity to spend time for myself. That's how I unwind. Either bymyself or with my family. I hope its Friday already!

My sister is choosing Ateneo (so far)

2007-06-25T10:46:00.000+08:00

" I will make your name great, so that you will be a blessing."

I hope Mariel will have a chance to pursue Ivy League Universities in US. She is the most intelligent and disciplined among us so I have high hopes for her and I believe she is cable of doing it. USD40,000/ year I think is their tuition so Mariel should aim high starting now. :) Pressure pressure.... But if not then there is noting wrong in going back to the Philippines and study in La Salle, Ateneo or UP. Exciting. If she will choose Ateneo then she will be the first Atenean in the Family. Both in the Agustin and Leonardo clans. I think. Most of us studied in DLSU or in UP. Go go go Mariel! We will support you in every possible way we can. I'm sure we will be your second parents here in the Philippines once you decided to study here. Just aim high and never let anyone or anything limit you. Be the one to find your limitation and not the other people. You can even be a full time scholar here if you wish to.

I guess the message of God today is for you. That's part of the first reading. God's promise to Abram (before he became Abraham). If you believe that God will give it you then it will happen. He always does fulfill His promises. Never failed. His ways will not be exactly how we want it to be but at the end the result will be the same. Fulfillment of His promise.

Amen

I am a Witness

2007-06-22T11:30:00.000+08:00

"For where your treasure is, there also your heart be"

My treasure right now is my family. Josephine and Polo. I want to give them the best things in life. I don't just mean material possession and comfort but myself. The best that I could be for them. The best husband for Josephine and the best Dad for Polo.

I heard Polo singing this morning. Maybe a case of hangover from his 4th mo bday celebration last night. Ok. I interpreted it as singing. But it isn't his usual tone. There is continuity and a melody. That my friend is how my Polo is singing!

I am a witness. Yup, I saw it on my own two eyes how Polo managed to turn or roll over to his tummy. I captured him in our reliable camera. He did it. I am very proud of you my son. He can hold his bottle as well as he is learning to control his hands' movement (and feet too). Grabbing anything around him and goes straight to his mouth. hahahahahahahaha.

Last night, we celebrated his 4th mo bday. Really really really late. He slept at around 8:30pm and we were not yet ready then. He opened his eyes at 11:30pm already when everyone in the house has decided to call it a day. BUT. I really wanted to celebrate it as the little one is wide awake and so active. So, we opened his cake and had some pictures taking session. Hhahahahaha... our eyes were all sleepy and yeah our hairs were all messy. But we proceeded with the celebration and ate his blueberry cheesecake. Yummy! Polo decided to once again grab a portion of the cake during the camera session. hahahahahaha. Cant wait to eat. Two more months Mr. Little Agustin!

Thank God its Friday!

June 21st-Polo's 4th month

2007-06-21T11:06:00.000+08:00

"Your Father knows what you need before you ask Him"

Yahoooo! Today is Polo's 4th month birthday. I am not sure yet what we will be having but definetely there should be a cake with candles for the little one. How time flies?!! I am really having a great time being a new dad. Yeah, I know the road is still very very long as we've just started the journey. I am happy. One thing that I look forward to everyday is to carry Polo at night and lets him sleep on my arms. Priceless, precious moments! It doesn't happen everyday because Polo most of the time would fall as sleep while being nursed by Josephine. There are just a few nights that I have a chance to carry him. I do not mind the back aches during and after. Sometimes, I feel that he really wants me to carry him. He would stare at me and giving me a look that says, "Daddy, carry me please?" What is certain is that we will not carry Polo all of his life. I want to carry him now while it is physically possible. It is a great experience that I have not felt before. For a very obvious reason.

Last night, his grandpa took him as I was about to carry him. I missed one night... :(. I have to be generous though. Polo was already sleeping when Grandpa returned to our room. So, that's parents' lives. Work all day from Monday to Friday. Have a few hours of playing with our child and when he falls asleep, that's it for the day. We leave the house while he is sleeping. There are times that he is up but of course we still have to go. Weekends are the best part since we have him all by ourselves. No yaya, no grandma, no grandpa. Just us while the others can just look or ask permission before they can have our little Polo. But on regular days, Polo is all Lolo. :) That's good for Polo, diba?

Bless you my dear son! I love you.