Life is Breeze

one day it was summer. people rushing to find activities to do while the sun is shining. long days short nights. everything is fast. then it is autumn.life once again is slowing down. i think of my boys. Paolo and Nicolo. five and two. still young but in one big blink time will warp to the fullest speed. but not today. everyday it is sbout watching them grow up, enjoy their childhood and guide them as least as I can and let them figure up about this world. Though, as all fathers perhaps this is not so easy to do. to give everything and everything as much as you could. i know it shouldnt be. I believe that life is a breeze and I accept it. to remain commited. to remain strong. to remain in love. to remain faithful. everything can change in time but these will not. so get up and continue the work that has begun and its end. because above all God remains.

gettin back to write

finally. I have been wanting to write something and I always what the experience be like using an ipad. so yes, this is my first ipad blog entry.. I have to say this.This is alson the first time that Nicolo came to the room and decided on his own to sleep beside me. july 10. 3 more days and our Luxembourg born baby will be turning 2. i have never been this expressive and completely relying on God. after dropping off Polo to school, i recite the rosary from school to my office and everyday claiming God's rule and victory. i then focus on how exciting the day would be and that I would learn a lot. everyday. indeed im learning so muc from this Luxembourg Vodafone experience. the things ive read before are the things i am applying now especially about self motivation. full experience and nothing theoretical. so i have a coach, i am starting to learn a new organizational skill, i play golf, i swim and spend some forest walk time everyweek. i am doing what i want to do for this year and snd there are still a lot more to accomplish. I am truly blessed to have married Josephine. plus now that we have two adorable boys. two years and three months in living a full life in luxembourg. so many things are yet to happen but we know we will manage because God is with us here. not only in our house but to where ever we are. God is with us. amen

Merciful Father

Last night, I asked Polo about the things that make me upset. I had said the main thing that upsets me before I asked to make sure that he understood. He then said, "when I shout at night or in the morning, when I wake up Nicolo, when I don't pack away my toys, when I throw my toys...." and many more things. I was surprised. I wanted to stop him but I just kept on asking him. He knows. then, I imagine myself an ogre... :( All I wanted to tell him was I get upset when doesn't follow my instruction.

I told him then that being makulit is not a problem. He can be makulit but he only follow instruction and we are cool. I remember a nephew telling me as well that I was so strict!

I want to teach my children to do things properly but at the same time not to rob them of their child like ways. I feel bady today and yet I am not sure what to do. I also want to empower and equip them but not to discourage. To learn how to respect but not to fear people esp the ones with authority. I want to discipline them but not to cripple their self image. And above all, I want them to learn how to love.

I dont know what to do. I am hurt that maybe I am hurting my son's emotional health. I dont know. I know this is all part of parenting and it is surely not easy. How can I separate my own experience as well to their experience but not everything was wrong but how can I check myself.


I want to be a cool dad but to make sure that they are disciplined. I dont know.

Triumphs

August 22 Monday:
Out of the blue, somebody out of the office gave me an affirmation about how I am working. It felt good and made me smile.
After several minutes, an executive of our company congratulated me and my boss for our contribution that led to a great deal for the organization.
Lunch time, we celebrated a partnership that my company has been trying to woo for years and finally has signed.
I received a msg from my brother about his current job and it made me smile because I know it is something that he truly like doing.
Our friends are willing to help us on Thursday w/c was a dilemna for us and now they are God sent.
Lastly, I got home and see my lovely wife and two adorable happy kids.

August 23, Tuesday
there were other good things that had happened but above them all, I met our filipino friend and for the first time I was able to share my/our struggles in Luxembourg (and we spoke in Tagalog) and how for the first time was able to share my faith with somebody else. It was a great blessing.
Oh, I stepped out of the office early because for the fact that we need to get out of the building because of some electrical installation. That was intervention alright. Because if not, I would have stayed a little bit longer and might have missed seeing my friend above. Who would thought?? :)

Praise God!

Oh, it's me!

Too bad I missed so many days and have not written for quite awhile. I went through an xtreme ride and I wasn't able to capture my thought while going through a rough one. Hi and low and around. It felt like I was pushed to the wall so much that my guts were about to come out. Painful, stressfull and awful.

I dont say I am a good writer but writing is one of my ways to cope with stress. And that was a problem in the process of going through a whirlwind, I lost my self in the process. Maybe also it was time to get out of my comfortzones thus I experienced those. I will take it. I felt raw emotions. Fear. Frustrations. Anger. Doubt. Tensions. All ingredients of an internal TNT explosives.

I was trying to reach out for someone. (Good thing I have a wonderful wife). I guess everybody just see the what it seems an "easy" life for us. I beg to differ. We still experience suffering and trials. At the end, nobody responded and maybe 1. they cant believe me that I was really suffering. 2. Do not know how to help me 3. I looked ungrateful considering the life we have now. 4. It was our decision afterall to be away from everybody so deal with it.

Well, what can I say..... I think everything will pass by eventually. Like now, I feel better. It is just in those low points that sometimes I want others to see me also as having a down point.

But ok. In a proper perspective sans emotion, I believed and trusted that God was and is with us. He performed several miracles in my work. I have never been so dependent on Him. I prayed whenever I can. Not for Him to take me out but for me to be able to endure this. He was there alright!

to be continued.....

Manila 2011

Who would thought that I would be back in the Philippines this year? Ah, my Philippines my beloved country but not my home. Home is where your family is... Strange that instead of feeling the nearness of the destination in the plane's flight update, I can only distance apart from my family. How far I am to them and it triggers sadness that I have never felt before. Family.

Really, I have asked God several times why we are in Luxembourg. What he wants me to do and what we have to do. I was thinking that there might be a grand mission or something but all the time the message is just the same. Family. Be the father that I am ought to be. A husband that I am being molded to be and a family member. But most of all the first one, be a father. I needed to worry too much about work or about how we will survive in Luxembourg or what the future we will have. It isn't my concern as God has already promised that we will basically be ok and that He is with us. With that, it means more than the four words but it is simple as that. God is with us. I only have to strive to be the best Christian father to my children. That's all. That's all, Lord? Is it just me? but based on my personal experiences with God's messages, I submit myself to this. I will be a father.

I miss my family so much and I cant imagine that I can love like this. It is so strong. So alive. Praise God and I thank God for letting me feel this way.

Well, the title has nothing to do with the substance. It is just a title to remind me that I am here in Manila and it meant that I am missing my family. My family. My mission in life.

Nothing to write

I didn't like the strategy. It was not thorough. Now, I have to do something about it. I dont like it at all. But, yeah.. take ownership. There can be several issues in a company and you will get to know them. Sometimes, all of them. You may get an idea on how to solve one or two.. then go ahead and give and share your ideas. No issues. It will become an issue if these "resolutions" your primary objectives everyday and you tend to set aside your real job. That's a problem in itself. Trying to solve a problem but you became a problem. Not good. Or sometimes, the issue is bigger than you which would need a lot of consideration, planning and management support then instead of just putting your feet to work... try talking to your boss first and see how they see things. I've learned that sometimes, big bosses know some critical information that make sense for something that doesnt make sense at first glance.

My point is. First, know why you are in that position. Your true real job. That's the priority then support the team especially if you yourself will benefit in the process so at the end you are still doing your job. The dangerous thing to do is to beinvolved in something that is out of your function without the go signal from your line manager. Be Careful. No matter how pationate you are in this virtual project.. it is not the reason why you got hired. Focus.


I still have a lot to learn that's for sure. I understand the language but still I need to know the processes, get information, understand the organization, and see how the leaders are doing it. Have an open mind and allow yourself to teach others as well.

Tomorrow, I will bring Polo to the creche. That's a new activity for me here in Luxembourg. I will send him there and leave him for three hours. Getting him on board a system, which even in the Philippines would apply. So, it is nothing extraordinary. Though, in Manila, I am sure that we ask his Yaya to wait for him until he finishes his class. Here, it is different. Teach them to have their own world and introduced them to other children. So, he will make friends now. Exciting life ahead of you, Polo. Same with Baby Nicolo. :) Go boys! Your parents will support you all the way! we will have disagreements, successes, frustrations, victories, disappointments, happy activities.. everything. We will experience and face everything as a family. :) Go boys!! woohooo!!!!

Swimming in Summer

Today is a new day. I want to go to work at 8am. That's it. I like it and I will get into the habit of going to office that early. No issue. No chance for politics. At least in that aspect. But people who go to work early has that psychological advantage (just my opinion). You are settled early. You feel fresh. You come in first. You can go home early without caring of what others might say because they can not take it against you. So many rather than being in a hurry. Coming in last. Then, at the same time, time seems to run faster when you arrive late. Ok. But I am not late at 9am if we talk about company policy. 9am is acceptable then go home at 6pm. but for me it is late.Thoughe everybody say it is ok to come what ever time you want.. but i know people will start noticing it. I dont like it. So cut it short, I will just go to work early.

That is just my personality. I work through momentum. Sometimes, it takes a while. I mean I am not at my best if I start with my work right away. I need a little bit of momentum so I can tackle the big issues. That's why I dont like back to back mtgs in the morning. It confuses my momentum. Others strive in getting their hands dirty right away, while I need to prepare myself and then I have no issue getting my hands dirty also.


Today, we had lunch in an itallian restaurant. Great food. Quite hot because there is no aircon but the food compensates for that. After eating, we went to Quick for a cup of coffee and to let Polo play in the indoor and outdoor playground. I see myself in Polo sometimes. He wants to play but sometimes he stops himself when he sees other kids playing.He can just sit patiently and wait for the kids to leave. Poor Polo. I dont think he will have a public playground all for himself. He just cant. I wanted to push him. Or even accompany him but I can't. Im not allowed and at the same time, I let him handle this situation. Ok, that's like me. I mean throw me i a crowd and I will not mind if I dont mingle with others. I will not get bored or concious. I cant patiently wait until I am ready or if someone approaches me. But, if there is no intervention, I could probably go home without talking to anyone. Wow. Yeah, I am that and sometimes I can see where Polo got his social behavior though I never told him to be like that. I even sometimes encourage him to play with others. Though, I know that he will get over it. Like me. Also, especially now that he will be in a day care, he will now be exposed to other kids at least and by himself. Good for him. Go Polo! Im excited to meet his first friend in Luxembourg. A friend he made not because of us. Not because, the kid's parents are our friends and they end up being friends. But here, he will meet kids of his age and become buddies.

He is indeed growing up. I can't believe it is so fast. He is now 3 years old and 4 months. Wow! Everybody even thinks he is actually 4 yrs old because of how he talk and his height.

After Quick, we went home just to change clothes and off we went to a nearby indoor swimming pool. What a great location to live! We are blessed. We can run outside, bike, play basketball, football, tennis, etc etc.. and then swimming. We can swim everyday if we want to.

Baby Nicolo is coming to town very soon!!!! :)

Another development sad but also good

The boys are left at home. Naturally, Polo cried seeing his mum leaving without him.But, we've been through it so I didn't panic. A chocolate can soothe anything indeed.Plus ice cream and some chips then a nice funny movie. There, he isn't crying anymore.

Then, we spilled the ice cream, chips and coffee on the carpet... hahahaha.. just minutes after the mommy has been away.. here we are boys. messy messy..

Bad and good with my former team. It was inevitable and it started happening since the day he said yes to the position. He had chances to evolve and develop the needed skills but from our eyes and most of the people around.. he didn't. So, here he is. He had to go. Though, maybe it was also good for him. He is a millionaire so not to much worries financially unless he has huge debts. He can go back to his core competencies and succeed. He can get more money and apply somewhere or maybe he will be offered a position that he can succeed. He should have asked for help. The stress I imagined maybe was too much for him for so many years. So this is kinda good also. Freedom. Not the way he wanted it to end but it should happen. He will be okay. Good for hima and good for the company as well.

As for me, I realize that we really have to continue evolving and learning and be aware of why you have and what other skills you need. Self awareness. Self inventory. Especially if you are assigned a new job or has been promoted for sure there are always room for improvement and learning. Continuous.

6 items in one day

It was stressful but I liked it. It wasn't perfect still I liked it. I was grilled and scutinized. yup, Iliked it. I was challenged and I liked the adrenalin rush perhaps. But I think I will be careful next time on how projects I should present. For me, it was too much that the quality suffered. Though, I felt it was necessary. Well, that will be my life now in Vodafone so I welcome it.

I just changed my car. From the Mercedez Benz B180 to Ford Mondero(?). I was surprised that I felt a little attachment with the Benz. It was the first car I have driven in Europe. The benz I may say. I was already comfortable with it and it has brought us safely to so many places. But, I think it isn't big enough to fit all stuff of my kids. That's the first decision I made for baby Nicolo. To be honest, of course, I would want to drive a Benz vs a Ford. There is a prestige attached to it whether it shared by others or completely just mine but the thought of two strollers, two car seats, lots of bags, plus groceries from time to time made me realized that the benz was really too small. It was like our Honda City and we used it when Polo was born and we brought our clothes to Marikina with that car plus Polo's baby things. It was really really packed.


I dont want that anymore and I want my boys and wife to be comfortable as much as possible. There is a time for struggles, discomfort but if it isn't needed then why force the issue. I am just concerned that I have never driven a car like this ever. The Tucson was a first as well so I can manage.


I cant think of topics that could be interesting to write here. The fact that it is also 12 midnight made it harder. But I think starting to write again whether it has value or none, it still a good start. I want to go back and write and write again.

Ok. Got to go.