Merciful Father

Last night, I asked Polo about the things that make me upset. I had said the main thing that upsets me before I asked to make sure that he understood. He then said, "when I shout at night or in the morning, when I wake up Nicolo, when I don't pack away my toys, when I throw my toys...." and many more things. I was surprised. I wanted to stop him but I just kept on asking him. He knows. then, I imagine myself an ogre... :( All I wanted to tell him was I get upset when doesn't follow my instruction.

I told him then that being makulit is not a problem. He can be makulit but he only follow instruction and we are cool. I remember a nephew telling me as well that I was so strict!

I want to teach my children to do things properly but at the same time not to rob them of their child like ways. I feel bady today and yet I am not sure what to do. I also want to empower and equip them but not to discourage. To learn how to respect but not to fear people esp the ones with authority. I want to discipline them but not to cripple their self image. And above all, I want them to learn how to love.

I dont know what to do. I am hurt that maybe I am hurting my son's emotional health. I dont know. I know this is all part of parenting and it is surely not easy. How can I separate my own experience as well to their experience but not everything was wrong but how can I check myself.


I want to be a cool dad but to make sure that they are disciplined. I dont know.

Triumphs

August 22 Monday:
Out of the blue, somebody out of the office gave me an affirmation about how I am working. It felt good and made me smile.
After several minutes, an executive of our company congratulated me and my boss for our contribution that led to a great deal for the organization.
Lunch time, we celebrated a partnership that my company has been trying to woo for years and finally has signed.
I received a msg from my brother about his current job and it made me smile because I know it is something that he truly like doing.
Our friends are willing to help us on Thursday w/c was a dilemna for us and now they are God sent.
Lastly, I got home and see my lovely wife and two adorable happy kids.

August 23, Tuesday
there were other good things that had happened but above them all, I met our filipino friend and for the first time I was able to share my/our struggles in Luxembourg (and we spoke in Tagalog) and how for the first time was able to share my faith with somebody else. It was a great blessing.
Oh, I stepped out of the office early because for the fact that we need to get out of the building because of some electrical installation. That was intervention alright. Because if not, I would have stayed a little bit longer and might have missed seeing my friend above. Who would thought?? :)

Praise God!

Oh, it's me!

Too bad I missed so many days and have not written for quite awhile. I went through an xtreme ride and I wasn't able to capture my thought while going through a rough one. Hi and low and around. It felt like I was pushed to the wall so much that my guts were about to come out. Painful, stressfull and awful.

I dont say I am a good writer but writing is one of my ways to cope with stress. And that was a problem in the process of going through a whirlwind, I lost my self in the process. Maybe also it was time to get out of my comfortzones thus I experienced those. I will take it. I felt raw emotions. Fear. Frustrations. Anger. Doubt. Tensions. All ingredients of an internal TNT explosives.

I was trying to reach out for someone. (Good thing I have a wonderful wife). I guess everybody just see the what it seems an "easy" life for us. I beg to differ. We still experience suffering and trials. At the end, nobody responded and maybe 1. they cant believe me that I was really suffering. 2. Do not know how to help me 3. I looked ungrateful considering the life we have now. 4. It was our decision afterall to be away from everybody so deal with it.

Well, what can I say..... I think everything will pass by eventually. Like now, I feel better. It is just in those low points that sometimes I want others to see me also as having a down point.

But ok. In a proper perspective sans emotion, I believed and trusted that God was and is with us. He performed several miracles in my work. I have never been so dependent on Him. I prayed whenever I can. Not for Him to take me out but for me to be able to endure this. He was there alright!

to be continued.....

Manila 2011

Who would thought that I would be back in the Philippines this year? Ah, my Philippines my beloved country but not my home. Home is where your family is... Strange that instead of feeling the nearness of the destination in the plane's flight update, I can only distance apart from my family. How far I am to them and it triggers sadness that I have never felt before. Family.

Really, I have asked God several times why we are in Luxembourg. What he wants me to do and what we have to do. I was thinking that there might be a grand mission or something but all the time the message is just the same. Family. Be the father that I am ought to be. A husband that I am being molded to be and a family member. But most of all the first one, be a father. I needed to worry too much about work or about how we will survive in Luxembourg or what the future we will have. It isn't my concern as God has already promised that we will basically be ok and that He is with us. With that, it means more than the four words but it is simple as that. God is with us. I only have to strive to be the best Christian father to my children. That's all. That's all, Lord? Is it just me? but based on my personal experiences with God's messages, I submit myself to this. I will be a father.

I miss my family so much and I cant imagine that I can love like this. It is so strong. So alive. Praise God and I thank God for letting me feel this way.

Well, the title has nothing to do with the substance. It is just a title to remind me that I am here in Manila and it meant that I am missing my family. My family. My mission in life.