My Observations

Wisdom. If voices can be heard just about everywhere and there's no room for one more then be quiet. Let them create their own noise. Who cares if they can't hear one another anymore for they've chosen to push their own self serving intention. Let them go ahead and exhaust their energies. Wasted. On your part, listen and listen intently not only to the things they are saying but most especially the ones they are trying to hide from others including you. For sure, their body languages will say something about it. Their eyes, how they move their hands, how they stand sit etc., Then take note of these small infomation and later on you will be amazed on how much information you have or how silly their intentions are.

Strategy. If your position depends so much on the one speaking the more you must learn to listen. There's art in this thing. Fight your own battle aggressively if it is time to do so but be like a lion who patiently wait for its prey to drop its guard. Then strike when the defense is open and when you are really ready to fight the war.

Peace. If can be avoided never start a war or create a guarded environment. No peace. A 24/7 defensive mood will for sure affect you emtionally, physically and spiritaully. It would be draining. Instead strive to create a harmonious relationship with everybody without compromising your own set of values.

Maintaining Peace. Never burn bridges and find yourself isolated. With over 8billion people all over the world, I think it is pretty obvious that we are never meant to be alone. Repair and create bridges and let others freely come and go to your bridge. If there's conflict and tension, resolve it while you can. The best way to do this is to invite the parties involved to a dinner. Never mention anything serious until all of you have eaten. It is better to talk to others knowing that they have a full stomach.

Politics. Stay out of it as much as you could. This always requires loyalty to people and most of the times not to the principles involve. Be loyal to the company, to the government, to your family but not to any individual. As I've mentioned your values must come in first. On top of everything. Nothing and noone should control it. Even politics. If you are the leader, get support not for you but for what you are fighting for. What ever it is, make it clear to your subordinates and never take it personally if yours don't jive with them. I'm sure you will be respected for this.

Faith. First, faith in God. We are just a tiny speck in this universe. That's confirmed unless you haven't watched Discovery Channel ever in your life. There are billions of things that we have no control of. Whether we will like it or not somethings are just bound to happen. From the simplest things to the complicated ones. Have faith to someone powerful who knows you by name. He is the one who created the universe and has control over it. Second, faith in your self. Common.... God is with you so why fear something. You alone can really influence your self. Believe that what ever you have in your hands right now whether good or perceived as problems deal with it. Thirdly. Faith in others ( and I don't have to go into this).

My Lambs, My Shepherds

I became a shepherd to lambs who would someday be my shepherds.
Amazing and really I was blessed to have them last weekend during the LSS in OMI. These aspirings priests were really full of energy and were almost boisterous. Sometimes, I felt that their behavior was already unbecoming but I was always reminded of their age. Honestly, these yound people were just being themselves and acting like young adults only.

I was fortunate to have met three young gentlemen Sol (Solomon),Don-Don(Gerson) and Len(Cyrill) and they have touched my life as well. They thanked me for being their Shepherd which I have no control of in the first place and I thanked them too. My last prayer for the group was that God would grant us the energy and strength to be men of God. Yup, Men of God. God must have been pleased.

Man of God. So easy to say but so hard to do.

I thanked the Lord that my three lambs opened to me without reservation. There were times when I had the urged to probe unneccessarily and I had to restrain and instead I listened though it wasn't always easy to do so because of some distractions or if the sharing was too long. Oh well, God rewarded me why He didn't allow me to say anything during those moments because at the end these young men were able to realize by themselves the issues they needed to confront and that experience would have been empowering to them. It made them more confident realizing that they could handle their own problems when at first all three of them would only sigh in resignation and say " Bahala na si Lord".

I was happy to know that without telling them they made their own action plans and all I said was that they always include God in their plans and always ask for God's blessings.

As for me, I left tired but satisfied. It was my first shepherding after all. I was able also to share my childhood experiences and how God handled it while I was young. The four of us were able to relate to one another because of our own struggles while growing up. Not a perfect family but God was there. Just like the story of Joseph. Maltreated and almost killed by his own blood but at the end he became a ruler without any grudge against his siblings.

Soon these young men are ready to take their vows as priests. They will be then Shepherds to others including me.

A tribute

I saw you again
A face that's not quite unique
Shared by hundreds around
But rarely noticed by people

Every night you knock on my car windows
I can feel the coldness of the night
And here you are With clothes barely providing you with warmth
With no sandals to protect your little feet
It is even raining

Sometimes I can see you
Seated on the gutter with your tiny hands covering a tired face
While I am about to go home and I am 32
You are out there braving a rainy night
You are just 5 or 6

You are not yet fully aware why you should be like that
When the other children are resting at this hour
You only follow the adults around you
No choice. No choice. No choice.

I want to do more
I can't give anymore
Restore your right as a child
But I remain helpless because of poverty that afflict us all

I can say a little prayer
That God will grant me a more generous heart
A small act of goodness
A tiny hope for my tiny friend

Lord, let it grow as you would want it to
You opened my eyes to this small world
I ask that you may open my heart as well
In all things may it just be love...........

Restoring life

There was no thunder
No drum rolls or trumpets
Cymbals resting on the ground
No whispering or eyes moving

Yes! I am here at last!
Billions of years it took to mold me
Nine months to perfect it
then it was time to come out

I am happy that I am here in this world
It would have been happier if only.....
Don't bother....32 years later

No more looking back and searching for more answers
It is time to make the first step courageously
What's few more years? or Should I waste a billion year?

There in the midst of chaos and confusion
I respect this life
I respect its Maker
Not to waste a single day anymore

In anger...let it be forgiveness
In bitterness...let it be forgiveness
In resentment...let it be forgiveness
In all....let it be love

I let the God who created me conquer me!
Rule over me Lord
As you please............

Greatful, I am living

I borrow a little more time. It is always like that. Needing more time. Not wanting to go and just move on. Selective maybe. I want to go somewhere now. A new place. New faces. New environment. New scent. All will be new except of course my wife. I want to go there with her. We have to wait. I know and believe that everything is in order and we only have to wait. Borrowing time and waiting. Same result and yet different worlds.

You walked in to my life
Silently, without a word
Quietly, without a sound
You are there and yet I am not aware

One day, I met emptiness
One day, I met loneliness
One day, I met anger
One day, I met nothingness
All at the same day

I can only cry but there's noone to wipe my tears
I can only shout but there's noone to listen to my woes
I can only struggle but there's noone to embrace me
I can only kneel and then there was You

You've been there after all
You've seen my life eversince I was conceived
You took care of me
You loved me

In this world, where everyone turns into a tiny speck
You always call me by my name, You know me
Lord, You've never been embarassed to have me as your child

Thank you.

The Last Straw

continutation...............
Every once in a while when everything is disarray, I manage to creep out and enter a silent place where no one can see me and I ignore seeing others. I let the big storm pass by and choose to sit in one corner. It makes me calm. I let a big sigh and that's it. I don't have to face anything until I am ready or until it is really needed.

If it is heavy and makes me feel so small and about to explode. I retreat. I go where all must go during trouble times. I enter God's house through the Blessed Sacrament. No one there can distract me nor demand anything from me. I am just me and with my Father. One on One. In there, I receive peace and understanding.

What I've written in my previous post wasn't about me but someone I know. I haven't seen any change in him since I first met him. Always a victim. People around him can do wonders even to him but it seems this guy is not capable of doing what everybody can do. That is his own belief and mentality. He just let his friends help him.

Sometimes of course, I can relate to his situation. We all need our friends but these good people should also see how we are handling our difficulties.

Anyway, I hope he is doing fine now and just like before he's gone again...there is silence. One day he will show up.... I hope it isn't because he needs something. Good luck to you, Man!

Desperate thought

Do you think it is easy? I don't. To ask when you totally have nothing. To approach when there's no one to turn to. I have to set aside my own ego and pride. I compromised my dignity but what can I do. I can only look at directly at your eyes and never have to bow down. That's all I have now. I have nothing to boast. I have nothing to show. I have nothing but what have be fallen me. The tide hasn't turned yet. No need to panick because it would only waste my energy. I have to move fast to salvage what I can save. Help me and I will do anything you want me too. Just help me and I don't care what it takes to repay the goodness you will do for me. I cry out at night when there is no one around because I don't want anyone to see how weak I am. They need me to be stronag. They need me to stand and to weather the storm all by myself while protecting them. I wonder how long I can hold on.

Someone is holding hands, the others my head, while there are some who are clinging on my feet. What will I do? I am in agony not because of my personal difficulties but because so many depend on me. Should I ignore their cries for help? Must I be deaf and blind by what has surrounded me?

to be continued

Not enough time - it's Monday again

The Drama has reached it clamax or has it? There is silence and clamness right now but I am sure there will be a second wave. There hasn't any resolution yet so it stil ain't over. Because of my busy weekend I was not able to think more of this. It was a healthy distraction. As usual all I can say is that I am tired once again!!! I want to go on leave again but all my weekends are full this September.

I was comfortable being in front of people last weekend. Though, I only handled minor activities I still learned so much and the experience made me more comfortable handling small sessions. Maybe later on, I will be more confident when I will be given major programs.

I left my car keys inside my car's trunk! Imgaine, I blew opened my schedule when I realized there was nothing I can do but to wait for my wife to bring over the spare key. I raised my white flag knowing there was no use rushing and panicking. I was already entertaining the thought of just breaking the car's window. Good thing it rained. I mean, the rain made me realized that my plan was plain stupid. Anyway, we got home at 10pm already. There was little we can do but just to do house chores especially our clean clothes. After that, my wife and rested.

Should I attend the prayer meeting tonight? I am open in not attending. But now final decision yet.

Oh well, it is Monday. I just pray that God will guide me throughout the week Actually, that I maybe sensitive to Him.

Calm Water

It has been days and I just can't put my act together. The world is just too confusing for me to function properly. Remember the self limiting behavior I have. I need order. I am waiting for something to happen and sad to say it is beyond my control. That's exactly answer. I just have to let it go and let this situation carry itself to its own direction. For sure, I will just follow. That's life sometimes. Be patient especially in things that I can't influence. Sometimes a leader, sometimes a follower.

It will be over very soon. I think it will be resolved within days. Waiting isn't something that one can master. The siutation is like the policitical drama that our beloved country has right now. Very annoying. Imagine if you are directly part of it.

As if I can influence the decision, I think if I can it would only be as good as let's say 5% influence :). It is something that should be decided by those who are above the shoulders of most of the people. As for me, I only stand side by side with the rest. I am still a soldier. Wait until I become a general. As I've said personalities do not count here, it is still for the best interest of the organization.

It will be over one day and I pray to God to help once again in this adjustment. May I remain humble and always in need of Him. Everything around us change but not with our God. He remains the same. His love always overflowing. His mercy is all around.

Working hours is about to end. Until now, I have no focus. Good ness.