Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Changing Me

Here's some of my unhealthy beliefs/practices.

1. If you are new, you are allowed to commit mistakes. So, grab it because afterwards, rookie mistakes won't be acceptable anymore.

2. Everything must be in order before I start anything. If my place(disposition) is in chaos then it is really hard for to me to start.

3. I am not good in so many things. I can't feel it. Though, I can see it changing.

4. I don't mingle with people whom I perceived to be intimidating. To protect myself. This leads to misunderstanding and becoming aloof.

5. Procrastination.

Well, I'm sure I have other "show stopper" in my system and maybe some of them I am not yet aware of but the ones I mentioned can be a good start for me.

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Turn of Events

Great talk by Arun last night! Get out of your "Self Limiting Beliefs"... I heard this a long time ago and honestly it is the truth. We can only overcome our own fears if we can identify these beliefs and actually facing them. No one in this world can face it but just ourselves.

I've learned something last night. I think it is more important to identify first the self limiting beliefs, there should be acceptance and willingness to change, then that would only be the time to act on it.

This lead to ask myself, "Marvin, what are your self limiting beliefs?" "Why do you have them?" "Who/What caused them?". Hmmmmm. I think I have some. The traumatic exprience I had when I was in college is on top of my list. It really shook my confidence and turned a once sunny world into a cloudy one. I realized though that it was bound to happen and still thank God it happened already. I know the reasons and God helped me to move ahead (it took years, man!). But I still have nightmares, it still haunts me until now. Really. Sometimes, I still find myself blaming the person/s who created a big monster that sometimes controls me. I hate it. Though, gradually, the monster is starting to shrink.

It is really hard to be a parent because it is not just a matter of feeding a child, provide protection, education etc., not only that as they grow old parents too should still learn to adjust their perception of their children but most important of all those issues parents had when they were still young..... they have to be aware of it and be healed of it. Difficult indeed. When you thought all is okay but now that you have a child, your own childhood haunts you back.

I can't finish this. tomorrow then

Monday, August 29, 2005

In Minutes

That's what I alloted for my blog...just 10 minutes!

1. I was in Bohol from Aug 25 to 27. It was really a great experience compared to my trip in Boracay and Palawan. The city was interesting since finally I was able to see the world know Chocolate Hills and the little Tarsier. But I guess that was about it. It would have been different maybe if I was with my wife and with close friends.

2. Tarsier could only mate once a year that would last for only two seconds. (that explains their sad desposition..: ) ). I hate animal in captivity which most probably is the Tarsier's number one reason why they look lethargic. But I also realized that they need protection and help them to multiply faster.

3. I saw very old churches there but the buildings weren't really restored properly. It is like a great thing but hidden but its ugly facade. I hope the government of Bohol could do more because I think it attracts foreign or even local tourists.

4. Chocolate Hills....

5. Hinagdanan Cave. Hmmmm, a very old place and just a small one but still amazing with its stalactites(?), swallow's nests and the fish you could find in the pond of water. Amazing!

6. Bohol Beach - Great for relaxing but the beach isn't really that attractive. There were hundreds of sea urchin out there. If you are not wearing a beach sandals and goggles then you will be in big trouble. I think you can count a few Filipinos enjoying the beach. The guests were mostly Europeans and Koreans.

7. Badminton Marathon. Two hours after I arrived from Bohol, we played badminton until my legs can no longer support my weight! four hours!!! whoa. Then the following day, we played again for another four hours!!! Wow. So here I am tired and moving on!

8. Time's up! 13 minutes...

Monday, August 22, 2005

Weekend Thriller

I had a full schedule last weekend. Literally started Friday night. We left our place at 9pm and went to Marikina for our laundry. My sister was with a friend and we had to bring her home too. No problem since she was also residing in Marikina. As usual, traffic in Marikina was heavy though it was already late. Just imagine the angst of us all who just want to go home and rest (but not for me and my wife. we had to go back to our home in Makati afterwards). After the monster traffic, we were met by flooded streets and we had to go in circle looking for alternative routes! I hate Marikina because of these two things. Traffic and floods. When we reached our house in Marikina, we just dropped our laundry and rested for about ten minutes then we hit the road to go home.

The following day, we woke up very early since Josephine volunteered to baby sit. 630am!! we were already in PQue. Then Jaz asked me to bring drive her to school. The traffic was bad again and there was a long stretch when couldn't distinguish reality and pure imagination! I was half awake. I was on my way home when I made a stupid decision of ignoring the red light and just around the corner were 5 policemen. They confiscated my license (i just got my new license just a couple of weeks ago). I then had my car washed then went home to rest a little. After that, I played badminton for two hours then joined my team mates and for the basketball tournament. We lost bigtime (26 points). Right after that, I went to Marikina to get our clothes. Again, traffic. I was so tired but still I had to fold our laundy and bring it to Makati.

When I reached our condo, I just wanted to rest for awhile but I never woke up anymore. I was really really tired. Sunday morning, we played badminton and then we went to SM for grocery. We went home to Makati and rested for just 10min then went to Mass.

We cleaned our condo and fix our grocery goods and laundry. That was my most tiring weekend!!!

Thursday, August 18, 2005

In my Thirties

I am just plain tired to work today. I played basketball last night and I liked how I managed to score points. Though, if that physical game wasn't enough, I slept at 230am. Stupid. I am not that young anymore and I should learn how to manage my energy better. Not that I am THAT old but I guess this is the stage whereI should learn how to be more gentle to my body. After years of neglect because of so many activities and little rest, I must really discipline myself to take things in moderation and get enough sleep everyday. I still want to jump and run when my children ( I don't have any yet..: ) ) would like to play with me.

Good thing I don't smoke. I now appreciate that I was able to stop when it was about to be an addiction. I only drink occasionally. I really need to get enough sleep. I am still anemic and I think it will be a problem later on. I was able to control my bad eating habit (so far). I say goodbye to my favorite food... lechon, pork sinigang, pork binagoongan, crab fats, etc etc.. otherwise my cholesterol will go beyond the limits again. I think it is under control now but I have no choice but to be aware of the food I eat. So long............ and hello, healthy living..: )

I am so sleepy.

I have no schedule for tonight but to spend it with my wife and watch Lost, INXS and Killing time? I just hope we would be tuck to bed at midnight or else I would have the same predicatment tomorrow. Hmmmm.. what's for dinner? I'm not sure yet.

I have to work now.

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Praise God!

I thank God for the miracle last night. Me standing in front of many people? That was not me..: ) . Praise God. I was blessed and claiming that others were blessed too. I felt the difference as a prayer leader and as a participant. Honestly, I could've expressed myself better if I was part of the crowd. Leading stopped me (being a rookie) from total abandonment, I felt that I was controlling my emotions to make sure that I was still aware of what's happening with others as they worship. But generally, it was really great and amazing. I had my first experience several months ago but last night was like my first. Thank God as well that Josephine was there beside me. She's my perfect example of someone who can lead prayer worship excellently. God's grace. I remember months ago I asked God for empowerment. Thank God because He did and He is not done yet. Need anything? Asked God I'm sure if it is for your own good He will right away answer your prayer.

We had dinner with the people in our ministry. Sentimental fool or not, I found it touching to see so many people eating together, just like one big family. We know each other and all were smiling. Shy or outspoken all at the same table. Sharing stories, jokes, funny moments, experiences... etc.

I just came from several rounds of meeting and I feel tired. Though, I have no problem with the meetings I attended. I want it and excited about it. That's one sector where God made me feel empowered. Through my job.

Praise God. My Alpha and Omega. I love you, Jesus.

Monday, August 08, 2005

Prayer Meeting - Flow

SINGLES PRAYER MEETING
August 8, 2005

Matthew 14:22-33 (Sunday)
Jesus Walks on the Water
22Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd. 23After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone, 24but the boat was already a considerable distance[a] from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it.
25During the fourth watch of the night Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. 26When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. "It's a ghost," they said, and cried out in fear.
27But Jesus immediately said to them: "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid."
28"Lord, if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water."
29"Come," he said.
Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. 30But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!"
31Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?"
32And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. 33Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, "Truly you are the Son of God."



I. Teach two songs
a. Yahweh
b. God of all Creation

II. Introduction

27But Jesus immediately said to them: "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid." Matthew 14:27
Last week, I felt really pressured and the reasons angered me so much. At first, I kept myself busy and I had no problem doing so since I had many things on my hand. I thought, it would be good for a day's work but I finished everything at lunch time. I had no other choice but to confront what was bothering me. It wasn't easy because our concerns/issues weren't about me and Josephine but with our loved ones (their problems, their expectations and everything else, someone said, welcome to married life). I panicked. I was confused and there was no peace at all. I knew I had to face it but how should I react? What should I say or should I say anything at all? Whom should I consult with? How are we going to handle this? Should I just remain silent and hope it would just go away?

With this chaos in my mind, I entered the Blessed Sacrament. Sure enough, I rant and rant and told God everything. Then God cut me off. He asked me to calm down. That was the only time I acknowledged God's presence. God silenced my heart and mind. Then I shared to Him my heart's ache in a more gentle way. My closing prayer was, "God, I just can't see the end of this problem though I know it is something temporary. I don’t want to decide or to say anything that would compromise our relationship with our loved ones. But Lord, all I have now is fear, confusion and resentment. Show me Father, a glimpse of your plan for us. Show me even just a small fraction of this plan to help me move on."

During the prayer meeting, He welcomed me right away with pure love and concern. Remember, the first song? River of life. Not just a glimpse but He showed me something bigger. He told me, at the end Marvin, You will see only Greatness and how much I love you. Do not be afraid anymore because I am with you now and in your future.

God blessed me so much that night and I went home with peace reigning in my heart.


II. Opening Prayer

For tonight, I pray and claim that God will bless all of us and our families once again. That His blessing will overflow. Let’s all acknowledge God’s presence. In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit…

(Matthew 6:25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life[b]?)

Lord Jesus, Lover of my soul, Prince of Peace, Maker of the Universe, King of kings
Ruler of all, my ALPHA and OMEGA. We are here tonight carrying with us so many things. We are tired and worried. Weary and restless. Bothered by what others tell us, rejected by people, feeling indifferent, worried about tomorrow’s uncertainty, sad, depressed angry… Some of us on the other hand maybe here to thank you for the blessings received. Others might be overwhelmed with recent accomplishment, with good health…. With so many things.

(Intro of song)
Lord, we have various reasons for coming here tonight and we give them all to you and we pray that tonight. Father, we pray that we may feel your loving presence. May it surround us, fill us, embrace us, and lift us. Empty our hearts, Father so we can be open to receive you. Remove from us feelings of unworthiness, guilt, pride…everything Father that will distract us, that will stop us, that will hinder us from praising you, from loving you.

We are here Father, with repentant hears to simply worship you….


Heart Of Worship

When the music fades
All is stripped away
And I simply come
Longing just to bring something that's of worth
That will bless Your heart

I'll bring You more than a song
For a song in itself
Is not what you have required
You search much deeper within
Through the way things appear
You're looking into my heart

I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And it's all about You
It's all about you, Jesus
I'm sorry, Lord, for the thing I've made it
When it's all about You
It's all about you, Jesus

King of endless worth
No one could express
How much You deserve
Though I'm weak and poor
All I have is Yours
Every single breath

II. Josephine’s prayer (high worship)

Yahweh
Andy Park

Lyrics:
Yahweh, Yahweh
Ancient One yet You’re here today
Ageless One, Changeless One
Showing love to all generations

(Bridge)

Show us Your glory, oh Lord
Let your goodness pass before us
Right before our eyes

(Chorus) And we will worship, and we will bow down
And we will call You Lord
And we will kneel before the Maker of the universe
And we will call You Lord

Yahweh, Yahweh
Faithful One, You have shown us the way
Through the years, through all our lives
You have shown You are faithful to the end

(Bridge) Show us Your glory, oh Lord
Let your goodness pass before us
Right before our eyes

(Chorus) And we will worship, and we will bow down
And we will call You Lord
And we will kneel before the Maker of the universe
And we will call You Lord
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Additional spontaneous lyrics:
We worship Yahweh, Yahweh
We worship Yahweh, We worship Yahweh
You were faithful to Abraham, faithful to Moses
You were faithful to David, and You are faithful to us today
So we worship Yahweh
We will worship Yahweh
Through all the ages, Yahweh
We worship Yahweh

III. Quiet Time

Thank you, Jesus.

God of All Creation
Album: Hillsongs United

Verse 1
I'm totally abandoned to You
I'm lost inside the rivers of Your love
I'm swept into the power of Your presence
Drawn toward the whisper of Your voice

Verse 2
I come to You in quiet adoration
And fall before Your feet You are my King
I'm living for the beauty of Your Presence
To behold the glory of Your face

CHORUS
Holy, Worthy, is the Lord
Heaven declares Your Righteousness
Oh God of All Creation
I worship You

Verse 2
CHORUS

Oh when You said 'seek Your face'
My heart said 'Your face I will seek' (2x)

CHORUS



IV. Supplication

The Lord promised in Matthew 7:7 that we need only to

(Matthew 7: 7"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.)

Lord, we are here to lay down to you the desires of heart. You know very well what’s good for us, what we are going through, our weaknesses, our strength our needs, Father. But above all, Father it your love that we truly need.

You Said
VERSE 1:

You said, "Ask and you will receive whatever you need."
You said, "Pray and I'll hear from heaven,
And I'll heal your land."

VERSE 2:
You said Your glory will fill the earth
Like water the sea.
You said, "Lift up your eyes;
The harvest is here, the kingdom is near.

CHORUS:
You said, "Ask and I'll give the nations to you."
O Lord, that's the cry of my heart.
Distant shores and the islands will see
Your light as it rises on us.

O Lord, I ask for the nations.
(repeat as desired)

ENDING:
O Lord, I ask for the nations.

Thursday, August 04, 2005

My little world

I just came from a tiring basketball practice last night. The other night, it was badminton and then tomorrow it will be our first basketball game. We might have a badminton game over the weekend. I'm 32 yrs old. I am not sure why I suddenly became this active. I feel exhausted today and honestly I really do just want to stay at home and sleep for the entire day.

Last Monday, I was part of a miracle. I was carrying within me a heavy burden and maybe I got tired from paying my traffic ticket, renewing my driving license (I'm amazed that LTO was able to give me my new one right away) and lastly lining upfor my car registration. I finished it before lunch and for me it was already a miracle considering that I finished everything in just four hours. I ate lunch and then at 2:00pm I went straight to pay for our electricity bill.

Before returning home, I decided to visit the Blessed Sacrament at the Sacred Heart. As soon as I entered the room, I immediately released all the things that I could think of why I was feeling so low and what were the reasons. I was exploding but realised I needed to calm down. Silence covered me with peace as I prayed. The latter partiss Jesus' response after a day of healing and preaching. He would go up a mountain and pray alone silently.

When I recovered my wits, I shared to God our present conditions and how we were struggling especially in our finances. Not us. But the people around us are really in need of our help and I was really pressured but at the same time I was also keeping my thought and tongue in check. I do not want to say or do anything that would compromise our relationship with our family. That's where God's grace came in like a storm.

At the end of my prayer, I asked God to just allow me a glimpse of His plan for us because so far I can only see fear reigning in me at the end of the rope there was none but only darkness. I was afraid. Just a glimpse that was all I asked for.

It is all about relationship with family. Our condition is temporary. It will pass but our family will remain. I will this inside my heart.

At night, My wife and I attended the prayer meeting. I was right away struck by the what was happening. First was the song about the "river of life". God was inviting me for I was tired and weary. Then it happened. God, right away answered my prayer. He said, "Marvin, you will see My Greatness at the end. You will see my undying love for you and your family. I will be with you right now and until the end of time." Is there anything more assuring than that?

I felt His presence as I heard this. Coincidentaly, the song at that time was "The Power of Your Presence." It was appropriate and really assuring.

Thank God for letting me choose my Family. Thank you for the Wisdom for understanding what is happening to us right now and though I may not fully grasp everything, Your presence in my life right now is enough. I will faithfully hold on to Your promise of a better tomorrow. It will be because You are there Lord. You are the Alpha and Omega. I felt your love. Thank you.

Polo: Different Moods

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