At 4am I opened my eyes and read a message in my phone. Then it struck me that our financial situation is nearing an alarming stage. Who wouldn't worry? Knowing that several months from now, Josephine will give birth and then when our baby arrives I'm sure we would need to have enough cash for our child's daily needs.
I started to shiver and palpite. Right there and then, I checked my thought. I am starting to have an anxiety attack. At 4am!!! No, way. How to battle anxiety? By being and feeling grateful. Easy to say, hard to do but it worked. I started praising God though at first I have to accept the situation.
Ok. We have bills to pay that are not related (?) to us. No matter how I react or how I feel about,it won't matter. Even if I shout to the world, start to hate all the creatures of the world or throw away things at the end, we still have to face what's confronting us. Manage it or else it will control us. Hey, never in my life that God abandoned me nor did he ever show any restraint in providing what I need at any given moment. From the moment when I called His name until now and regardless if I'm faithful or not He remains to be a Father to me.
Anyway, here are the things I praised God for before I was able to go back to sleep again.
Praise God.
1. We are all healthy and there is no deep rooted anger among us.
2. Our angel waiting to come out. Five more months, kiddo! We will see each other then.
3. We both have stable jobs and the bonus season is coming.
4. We have so many friends in and out the community who love us truly. We know that we can approach these people easily without needing to put any defensive shield or anything.
5. My In-Laws are indirectly teaching me how to be a parent. They have shortcomings but who in this world is perfect anyway. I have learned to make chit chat while eating which I wasn't able to truly experience while growing up.
6. Jesus healed my woundedness. No more bitterness against my parents or anyone. I mentioned to Josephine before that God already filled my heart with love and my parents have done their part to raise me as best as they could. I released them from any anger that might have been with me for so many years. I heard His voice telling me exactly that and afterwards I felt free.
7. We have a car and even if we are struggling financially, we are still able to maintain it. It takes to places and provide some comfort. I love driving as long as I am with my wife.
8. We still manage to go to places by ourselves or be able to be eat where our taste buds are leading us. If we have extra, we bring along our family and it feels so good to go out as one big family.
9. God is still giving us opportunities to serve Him through helping other people even though at times we thought there is nothing more to give,God through His grace shows us small and big miracles and to be a witness is really a blessing.
10. Above all, Josephine and I love each other. Whenever I look at her while she is sleeping, I remember where we've been through, how our friendship blossom over the years, I smile at all the memories we've created. We are still learning from and about each other and I'm sure it will never end. I love her and it is truly a blessing to know that she loves me as well.
There are a thousand more blessing but I only needed these ten praises to calm me and overwhelm my anxiety. Love after all cures all things. I slept and after half an hour I woke up with a smile in my heart.
4 comments:
love na love kaya kayo ni God. and you guys don't just have stable jobs, jobs na maganda pa. wish ko lang di masyadong stressed-out si ate jopay. kuya marvin, miss ko na din pagdrive mo. and yung kasama kyo kumain sa slex. heheeh ;p
i really think all dads-to-be get these panic attacks marvin. aldo was in an almost-permanent state of worry and anxiety for 9 months hahaha! so normal lang yan. the cure for it will come in 5 months' time... when you hold your baby in your arms and finally know that all you have to do is take it one step at a time. =)
That's the same thing I do when I wake up at dawn to pee (and sometimes even change my clothes and brush my teeth)and have a hard time sleeping again. I thank God for you. Who you are and what you are becoming, what we've been through and what we are going through together is a blessing. Thank God for the gift of Love!
Just as you did, be thankful for all the good things you experience in life. Count your blessings, my friend. For instance: be grateful for having a kind, friendly, sensible, good-looking officemate among other things. :D
Your officemate,
The Engineer
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