Silent Awakening

Silent Awakening

I remember the sleepless nights
not knowing where to go, not caring for tomorrow
I remember crying myself to sleep
only to wake up crying once more
I remember being so afraid, so uncertain
sitting on a corner of the room with no one but fears in my heart
I remember the betrayal and the hurt
hopeless, desperate just me and my troubles
I remember how depression took control of my only "self"
anger , bitterness mixed with intensity
I remember the dark nights and gloomy mornings
painful silence covered my life
I remember staring the ceiling for hours
wishing to end it all. a sudden end. I was tired and spent. I remember........ ending it all that night
Listening to myself I was defeated, shamed and humbled.
Listening to myself I didn't want to go on.
Not the sun of a new day can brighten my life
Not even a smile of a child
My life stood still.Halted. Time seemed unimportant
Life was just plain breathing in and out.
Closing my eyes every night only to open it with sadness
The spirit was dead just the body moved on.
I never questioned or threw it to someone. It was just like that. Life. Then one day it was over.
Today, I remember this chapter of my story with great respect. I respect the person going through the moment of agony and constant sorrow. I respect what it was like being defeated and humbled.
I can see clearly now. It wasn't really a tragedy but a life in metamorphosis.
A change needed and it happened within. There, I had something new as if I earned a pair of wings. I will not forget my past for it was there that God showed me how much He loves me.
Touch of God in all things seen and unseen. He held me tight though I struggled to be set free. He didn't let go. I saw how He sent all His angels to comfort and cheer me when I can not endure the pain any longer.
Yes, I remember. The moment when I wanted to die God gave me my life.
I remember and never will I forget. God loves me.
p.s. He loves you too.