and then there's Order

Finally I can breathe. Just for a while then I will have to throw myself back inside the war zone. Whew! What a life I have now. Work is running on fifth gear. Family is on fourth. Community life is just cruising as well as with friends...

Praise God! Last Sunday mass, He instructed me very well. To make sure that I won't focus too much on what's happening in my work. I can exhaust my energy but my heart and soul shouldn't be compromised. I was afraid then that I might forget Him in the process and so I asked for His constant presence especially these days.

My boss' anger because of our group's performance was heard in all corners of the world. Yeah, I was intimidated. But again, I prayed for God's presence. I agree that I must hear my boss' sentiments and everything. No problem with that but I must keep my composure and be professional and objective. By the way, my boss was talking to the whole group not just me though I heard my name several times. I can't defend myself at that time. First, we were in front of the whole team and it wasn't wise for me to go against a mighty wind and in the process it would look like him vs me. I might just cause a bigger problem from myself. If the boss is angry, let him be. It is pure emotion and any rationalization won't be considered. Second, there was really no excuse on my part and I might also just embarass myself. He is a lawyer. So I kept quiet and just prayed.

Miracle 1. After a few minutes, he calmed down and explained that he was talking like that because of what happened and not because of the people (pooofff!!: ) ). Second, we shouldn't feel intimidated! (Im sure his angel whisphered something to him).

Miracle 2. I was redeemed by my former boss!!! Ha! Without me saying something, the truth came out. Handling our own group wasn't easy. Like before there was just the two of us and it was really chaos. In spite of that, I struggled to perform my function and even beyond to make sure that we address our 300 plus telco partners plus customer complaints, plus internal requirements. I also got angry because it seemed to our boss that I wasn't doing anything.
Anyway, praise God. God was the one who made the move. Can you imagine there are now like 7 of us in the team right and there are still a lot of things to do. So just imagine the tons of work I had to cope with before.

I am happy that something is happening in our group. At least there's focus now and there's leadership.

Time's out. I have to wear another hat (a helmet) and go back.

About Power

Friday night
9:00pm :We went home to Marikina for our laundry
I was surprised that my brother and sister were out that late. Usually, both of them are home sleeping. It was a tempory proble. My cousin let us in.

11:00pm : Attended birthday party of Josephine's officemate.
I can't remember the last time I went to a bar here in Manila. Maybe, it's really because of age as I am not really open to going to bars anymore. Though, we still managed to have fun. We left at 1:30am

Saturday
10:00 am: Watched Little Mermaid
3:30 pm: Played badminton with friends while Josephine spent her entire afternoon in MegaMall to shop.
8:00 pm Went to Marikina to get our clothes

Sunday
11:00 am : Sunday Mass
12:00 noon : Mom's bday celebration
4:00pm : Che's wedding
9:00pm Finally, our weekend rest....: )
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God made sure that I had a full schedule last weekend. He distracted me the whole time and made sure that what I was feeling last Friday will be flushed out of my system. He was like a doctor prescribing medicine to heal me. Actually, it was more of a precautionary tactic.

At the end, I was assured of God's love for me. That's all that matter to me. He made me realize what it meant to be attached to anything and how it could take over my being. Attachment in three earthly things...Power,wealth and fame. God did show to me how dangerous it would be if I rely on any of this. I felt it. Maybe it was like how Frodo felt (and all the middle earth being) about the ring that rules all. When it grabs you, it will control you and lead you to dark places where you never want your self to be. I am not saying here that we should avoid power at all costs. We all need to be aware of the responsibilities and be mindful to what it can do. Power is like a wild horse that need to be tamed. Otherwise, it could really consume you and it might be too late to handle it.

To keep you grounded, we simply have to pray and ask for guidance and be humble at all times. Whenever we feel the controlling effect of power, we must learn how to bow down on our knees to acknowledge how helpless we are. God is all powerful and we must all base our strength from Him alone.

Simple Answer.Give.

There is so much to write here but time and energy have left me. I am so stressed. Goodness! I love it though....

An opportunity to give. That's a shift in paradigm. Giving not because the person is in need nor is it because it is an obligation. This is giving for a wrong reason. I tend to count what I have before I do so. Sometimes I am able to give more than what I have but really not willingly. There's that feeling of hopelessness and fear of what will still be left for me. I give but I admit that I am angry sometimes of why we have to when in fact we have our own problems to settle.

Look at this line of thought. Valid and yet it wasn't the message I received from God. He really knew what was going on inside my limited mind. A limited generosity. He knew my concerns and as I've mentioned. They are indeed valid and justified. God didn't get angry with me because He sees my concerns and fears. All the time His message is that He is just there so I do not need to worry too much. The other night, His message was clear. I should give openly and with abandonment because of Him alone. I will give the sampaguita girl/boy some money not because of pity, not because I want the child to get out of my sight, not because of poverty, but because Jesus says so.

Why I should give? Because Jesus says so. Simple answer to so many complicated issues I have now. Giving is not always in physical form but it could be in emotional and spiritual forms. Jesus in my mind. Always.

From here there on I think and just like how it was with my previous decisions in life, I will follow Jesus. With my imperfect attitude, I will allow God to be at the forefront of the battle again. He is my captain and I know that He knows what is best for us. Amen to that!

Just let go...

An ex colleague's father died
An ex colleague died
A friend's father died
A grand father died
A grand mother died
A new friend will leave the country very soon
A good friend will leave the country this weekend
I just said good bye to a friend in Singapore

There's just too much good byes lately. Every month some one is dying and some are leaving the country. Yesterday, it was too much for me to handle. I was about to burst into tears so I just stood up and walked around just to distract my self and control the overwhelming emotion buidling up. Whew. That was really something.

Yeah, I have a problem with people leaving. It really doesn't matter whatever kind of friendship established. It would still affect me but in different degrees. I respect myself and I acknowledge that I am just being me.



Too much is happening in our work too. For the first time in my Roaming life, there would be a drastic change and I am happy that hopefully this change will help us and challange us to succeed. There will be a clear direction as to what we should do and what should we target.

I have hundreds of emails left unread. This is one thing I hate whenever I am not in the office. I have to return knowing that I will be greeted wiht numerous emails. Some very important and urgent (which I need to sort and this would take time), some are important and no need for immdeiate attention, some are forwarded messages which usually end up at my trash bin, some are personal emails from friends (it depends if Im in the mood or not), some are corporate information (if it has nothing to do with bonus... i delete it immediately..hehehehe).