If only you can control everything in your plans. There will always be "unexpected events" to challenge it. Sometimes it can wipe out every single bit of positive energy/outlook you have. This type can be too demoralizing and it will bite your confidence up to the bones. Not for the weak of heart and mind! It will give you restless nights and palpitating days. Then, there are nuances. Still it can ruin your certified gold plans. It is like it is not that important but you still have to consider them in your schedule of things. Some challenges are exciting because it triggers creativity or opens promises, which we all like to have. Among the three, I am definitely sure we all want the third type. But the greatest lesson is buried deep in the first type. It is not just to dig the treasure but you must also cover the holes properly. Otherwise, you might step into it.
As for me, there are several loopholes. But can you exercise faith if you are a "sigurista"? Everything I did here, I try my best to make sure that I'm guided by my true Boss. I pray and pray and read the bible. Yes, I'm fortunate that God is guiding me. I draw my strength from Him. It is like opening a complicated gadget. I am following every word in the guide provided. I don't skip anything. Sometimes there is a tremendous urge to assume some items. I simply ignore the temptation but just to remain patient. If there are 100 steps, I guess I'm already in the 80Th. Whew! It is near and yet I must be patient and not to fall into a trap of discouragement. Difficult level already. I guess I admit that this is the most difficult because I sometimes doubt if I made the right decision. That decision part is step 10 I think. That's too far to let affect step 80. That's the thing. Again, I draw my strength from God.
Stressful emotion is in the highest level right now or nearing the top. I'm confused. I'm supposed to be happy and not feeling afraid. My mind knows that but my heart is thinking more. Tsk tsk tsk... I'm worried. There are what ifs trying to control me. It isn't easy to just set it aside but a change in perspective can help a lot in managing this. First thing first, I must identify what is causing me to feel this way. Fear? Doubt? Loss? Adjustment? Undefined territory?
In the gospel today, a widow gave up her precious possessions. I am sure that before she let go of the two copper coins, she encountered so many questions in her mind, I am sure she also thought of her child and what they will eat. What made her gave up her everything when I'm sure God will understand if she didn't. She obeyed. Jesus saw her and acknowledged that she did the most noble thing . I am sure also that even if she has given up her only possessions, she left the place with a smile on her heart
God just acknowledged my sacrifice and told me to just let go. while, I am trusting Him, I am also like holding too tight and He is telling me to let Him do the wonders. By His grace, I will let go...
Monday, November 23, 2009
Friday, November 13, 2009
December blues
It happened a long time ago. I was still too young to understand but I wasn't spared. It was quick and in a whiff of the wind something within me changed. I can feel its effect until today. I felt so sad. It was strong and it was the first time I felt that way. Sadness suddenly overwhelmed my young mind and heart. The thing is, I was too young to understand. There was no one beside me who helped me understand what I was going through.
I still feel it even today. Like the other day while walking alone in the street. The wind blew and it made me stared at a tree for a few seconds.Viola.. there it was. That feeling! I stopped and inhaled. I felt the little boy in me who experienced sadness for the first time. Even if I got sad, I just smiled and remember the good old days.
I was close to my cousins back then. My world revolved around them even if they were older than me. Kuya Paul, Kuya Noel and Ate Imelda. Yeah, they werent perfect but for a young boy I had no judgement. All I know was that I had fun with them around. Not only them of course. I also had other cousins and so our house was full of laughters, cries, mess and everything. I never felt different.
Then one day they left. I was caught unprepared. I didnt know what happened. But just one day they were packing and then they left for the airport. So they joined their parents in US. BAM!!! I just found myself all alone. I didn't know what I was feeling. I was in our once very noisy room but the whole house was too quiet that day and I can hear my heart beating so slow.
I still had Mamang then and at least as a lola's boy, I was still comforted of her presence and of her voice. But then one day, I dont know what month it was,she too migrated to US. I was left alone. Yes, I was with my family. Back then, I wasn't that too close with them and I still had so many issues. It was devastating.
In 1992, Mariel came into our lives. She was an angel sent from heaven. I was struggling with my studies and with my family when she came. Then there she was. She made me smile once again. It was the first time that a family member made me smile. Somehow her presence touched my heart and brought healing. With so many issues, I always run away and be with my friends to find comfort. Mariel changed it. I felt wanting to be by herside. Always. I got busy. I should've followed the desire of my heart to be with her as much as I could. I was already living away from my family then and I only see her once in a while. I was still spending too much time with my friends. Yes, that strong feeling helped me create time for her. I would picked her up on Saturdays and we be together in Makati just to have fun. We watched movies, read in powerbooks, eat, shop and at the end of the day I felt happy seeing her happy and contented as she would sleep on my shoulder going home. The following day, I would leave and she would say goodbye and she would ask me when will I go home again. It breaks my heart. As I walked away, I knew that she has taken over a portion of my being. She did.
That's why when they left for US in 2003, I was devastated. This couldn't be happening all over again. All these people have left me. I went with them in the airport and that was the last time I saw my sister Mariel. I waved goodbye and I knew then that it will not be easy to see her again. I also knew that I will miss her so much and I will never allow anyone to occupy her position in my life.
Six years have passed. Six long years. I have my own family now. I still respect that feeling my December blues because it reminds me of them. I understand also that many things have changed. Still. I love them. One day, I will see all of them. I hope God will help me visit them next year.
Yes, this year there will be another kind of sadness that will be introduced. This time, it will be us who are going to leave. Family and good friends will be left behind. But this time, I will not be alone. I will be with the two most important people in my life. My wife and my son.
I will see you next year America.
I still feel it even today. Like the other day while walking alone in the street. The wind blew and it made me stared at a tree for a few seconds.Viola.. there it was. That feeling! I stopped and inhaled. I felt the little boy in me who experienced sadness for the first time. Even if I got sad, I just smiled and remember the good old days.
I was close to my cousins back then. My world revolved around them even if they were older than me. Kuya Paul, Kuya Noel and Ate Imelda. Yeah, they werent perfect but for a young boy I had no judgement. All I know was that I had fun with them around. Not only them of course. I also had other cousins and so our house was full of laughters, cries, mess and everything. I never felt different.
Then one day they left. I was caught unprepared. I didnt know what happened. But just one day they were packing and then they left for the airport. So they joined their parents in US. BAM!!! I just found myself all alone. I didn't know what I was feeling. I was in our once very noisy room but the whole house was too quiet that day and I can hear my heart beating so slow.
I still had Mamang then and at least as a lola's boy, I was still comforted of her presence and of her voice. But then one day, I dont know what month it was,she too migrated to US. I was left alone. Yes, I was with my family. Back then, I wasn't that too close with them and I still had so many issues. It was devastating.
In 1992, Mariel came into our lives. She was an angel sent from heaven. I was struggling with my studies and with my family when she came. Then there she was. She made me smile once again. It was the first time that a family member made me smile. Somehow her presence touched my heart and brought healing. With so many issues, I always run away and be with my friends to find comfort. Mariel changed it. I felt wanting to be by herside. Always. I got busy. I should've followed the desire of my heart to be with her as much as I could. I was already living away from my family then and I only see her once in a while. I was still spending too much time with my friends. Yes, that strong feeling helped me create time for her. I would picked her up on Saturdays and we be together in Makati just to have fun. We watched movies, read in powerbooks, eat, shop and at the end of the day I felt happy seeing her happy and contented as she would sleep on my shoulder going home. The following day, I would leave and she would say goodbye and she would ask me when will I go home again. It breaks my heart. As I walked away, I knew that she has taken over a portion of my being. She did.
That's why when they left for US in 2003, I was devastated. This couldn't be happening all over again. All these people have left me. I went with them in the airport and that was the last time I saw my sister Mariel. I waved goodbye and I knew then that it will not be easy to see her again. I also knew that I will miss her so much and I will never allow anyone to occupy her position in my life.
Six years have passed. Six long years. I have my own family now. I still respect that feeling my December blues because it reminds me of them. I understand also that many things have changed. Still. I love them. One day, I will see all of them. I hope God will help me visit them next year.
Yes, this year there will be another kind of sadness that will be introduced. This time, it will be us who are going to leave. Family and good friends will be left behind. But this time, I will not be alone. I will be with the two most important people in my life. My wife and my son.
I will see you next year America.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Latest Scoop in Marvinville Town
How many posts do I have as of now? I think seven. What?!! I blame fb for this since I never had time to visit my blog anymore. The thing is, I am not that comfortable just sharing my thought in there unlike here. Also, only a few knows I have this account.
Because of the flood, I had to throw my journals. :( Years of reflections were washed off. I can only sigh. I thought in the future I will still have the chance to see what I've written. They are permanently gone now. Maybe I do not need to see it anymore. I still have this blog though. Four years old.
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Last year when me and my colleague were in Vienna, he asked me if I can see myself living in Europe. I said yes provided I am with my family. I love Europe. It has something that I can not easily explain. I've been to Europe two times already. I saw Belgium, France, Slovakia and then Vienna. It is formal which suits me. People seem not too friendly but that's only because not everybody you meet will say hello. But really, how can you label them as snobbish or something when you dont know the people or understand them at all. Anyway, I honestly am not that comfortable with people who are too friendly. :) That's why I love Europe. There is this personal space that people will respect. Also, Europe has been Europe for so long. I feel like all the things I want to learn are there and that's what excites me the most. Just one look at a building that has been standing there for so long already creates images in my mind. What has transpired there? How many people have gone through that place? Important events that happened in that building.
I remember preferring to walk going back to my hotel (not all throughout of course but maybe half of it). I didnt care. I like the feel of the cold air against my face. Being too small beside huge historical buildings. Walking along roads made of bricks. I like the smell of the surroundings. Old churches, castles and other monuments made me to stop and be at awe. I like it. When I was in America, I love it as well though I said I only like to spend a vacation but not to actually live there. Unlike in Europe. The first time I stepped and saw Belgium I felt it. I would loved to have a chance to live in Europe. Then to be in Paris and then Vienna just strengthen that longing. I am in love.
We can go to US if we want to since Josephine is an American so there is that big possibility. The thing is, I can not see myself (before and right now but who knows maybe in the future) living in US. But in Europe there is this feeling of just wanting to be there forever. :)
So that last year when my friend asked me if I can live in Europe, it was easy for me to say yes. The only consideration I had is that I would there with my family. That's it.
Fast forward. November 12, 2009. Wow! I am now just waiting for my work permit and my family and I will be moving to Luxembourg. It is near. It is within our grasp. Months ago when I learned that I got accepted, I naturally got excited. Who wouldn't?! Though, I also knew that it would still take several months to process everything so I had to control my excitement since I hate that strong feeling of wanting something but can't get it yet. As I have said, now it is a grasp away. Wow. It is so near and I am starting to get excited. Yes, I love to go there now. Yes, I can't wait. Whew! It can happen next month or maybe in January. All I care about is that our move is closer thant it was in July.
I am so happy and I am aware that there will be hardships, adjustments, maybe confusions and what have you. I have God though. :) So may family and I are confident that we will be ok. It is because God is on our side. I am not afraid because God will go with us. Very exciting indeed. Amen!
Because of the flood, I had to throw my journals. :( Years of reflections were washed off. I can only sigh. I thought in the future I will still have the chance to see what I've written. They are permanently gone now. Maybe I do not need to see it anymore. I still have this blog though. Four years old.
---------------
Last year when me and my colleague were in Vienna, he asked me if I can see myself living in Europe. I said yes provided I am with my family. I love Europe. It has something that I can not easily explain. I've been to Europe two times already. I saw Belgium, France, Slovakia and then Vienna. It is formal which suits me. People seem not too friendly but that's only because not everybody you meet will say hello. But really, how can you label them as snobbish or something when you dont know the people or understand them at all. Anyway, I honestly am not that comfortable with people who are too friendly. :) That's why I love Europe. There is this personal space that people will respect. Also, Europe has been Europe for so long. I feel like all the things I want to learn are there and that's what excites me the most. Just one look at a building that has been standing there for so long already creates images in my mind. What has transpired there? How many people have gone through that place? Important events that happened in that building.
I remember preferring to walk going back to my hotel (not all throughout of course but maybe half of it). I didnt care. I like the feel of the cold air against my face. Being too small beside huge historical buildings. Walking along roads made of bricks. I like the smell of the surroundings. Old churches, castles and other monuments made me to stop and be at awe. I like it. When I was in America, I love it as well though I said I only like to spend a vacation but not to actually live there. Unlike in Europe. The first time I stepped and saw Belgium I felt it. I would loved to have a chance to live in Europe. Then to be in Paris and then Vienna just strengthen that longing. I am in love.
We can go to US if we want to since Josephine is an American so there is that big possibility. The thing is, I can not see myself (before and right now but who knows maybe in the future) living in US. But in Europe there is this feeling of just wanting to be there forever. :)
So that last year when my friend asked me if I can live in Europe, it was easy for me to say yes. The only consideration I had is that I would there with my family. That's it.
Fast forward. November 12, 2009. Wow! I am now just waiting for my work permit and my family and I will be moving to Luxembourg. It is near. It is within our grasp. Months ago when I learned that I got accepted, I naturally got excited. Who wouldn't?! Though, I also knew that it would still take several months to process everything so I had to control my excitement since I hate that strong feeling of wanting something but can't get it yet. As I have said, now it is a grasp away. Wow. It is so near and I am starting to get excited. Yes, I love to go there now. Yes, I can't wait. Whew! It can happen next month or maybe in January. All I care about is that our move is closer thant it was in July.
I am so happy and I am aware that there will be hardships, adjustments, maybe confusions and what have you. I have God though. :) So may family and I are confident that we will be ok. It is because God is on our side. I am not afraid because God will go with us. Very exciting indeed. Amen!
Saturday, October 03, 2009
Extreme September
September started with a lot of promises and when it begun we knew it would be great month. First week with a friend's wedding then the following another good friend tied the knot. We all went to Boracay which was very memorable becuse it was also the first of many things for our little boy. Being in airport thrilled him especially when he started seeing planes. Riding an airplane. Riding a bus. Riding a boat. Riding a zorb ball and finally his first in Boracay. It was a total bliss seeing everybody happy and relaxing under a hiding sun. It was even first to swim in pool while raining. Then we went home tired but satisfied and refreshed. The first half of September.
The second half. Polo's cough was getting worse every single day. He coughs every morning and we all wake up. We brought him to two pedias who said that it "could be". Hmmmmm, now it seems to me that they based it because of family history and that was their conclusion. Tsk tsk tsk... He didn't have a wheezing cough, which at least could have been a good indicator of asthma, he remains active and didn't just cough when he becomes so active. He is breathing properly. But then the two prescribed anti asthma meds. We followed. We had to wake him up at two and six in the morning. But then his cough didn't subside nor we notice any good effects after the nebulize session. It was tiring even for Polo. He wasn't cooperative at all so his sleep was disturbed everyday. No effect and the doctor suggested to nebulize him more and advised us to be prepared and buy anti asthma apparatus. Then one night his coughing was terrible and different. I was no doctor and we were afraid that it could an asthma attack so we gave him more dosage of nebulize as instructed. That didnt do the trick. His cough worsen. Coughing non stop. I decided to bring him to the ER because we were not equipped to handle asthma attack. Polo was still playful but coughing so it was weird. While driving it seemed ro us that he has trouble breathing because he can't cough. So so so stressful and to hear him say that he wanted to cough was so horrible for us. We really thought he cant breathe anymore. By God's grace, it led us to pray. We did and we asked God for instant miracle and his sickness isn't asthma, that I will drive safely and that the doctors are good natured. So funny that, Polo managed to make fun of his coughing so even he threw up it was for us an answered prayer. The ER doctors said it was asthma but because of the asthma meds, it made his throat so dry and that was the reason why he was coughing. Whew! No asthma. Praise God. He nebulized salinase and his cough stopped. We went home smile.
The third week
The second half. Polo's cough was getting worse every single day. He coughs every morning and we all wake up. We brought him to two pedias who said that it "could be". Hmmmmm, now it seems to me that they based it because of family history and that was their conclusion. Tsk tsk tsk... He didn't have a wheezing cough, which at least could have been a good indicator of asthma, he remains active and didn't just cough when he becomes so active. He is breathing properly. But then the two prescribed anti asthma meds. We followed. We had to wake him up at two and six in the morning. But then his cough didn't subside nor we notice any good effects after the nebulize session. It was tiring even for Polo. He wasn't cooperative at all so his sleep was disturbed everyday. No effect and the doctor suggested to nebulize him more and advised us to be prepared and buy anti asthma apparatus. Then one night his coughing was terrible and different. I was no doctor and we were afraid that it could an asthma attack so we gave him more dosage of nebulize as instructed. That didnt do the trick. His cough worsen. Coughing non stop. I decided to bring him to the ER because we were not equipped to handle asthma attack. Polo was still playful but coughing so it was weird. While driving it seemed ro us that he has trouble breathing because he can't cough. So so so stressful and to hear him say that he wanted to cough was so horrible for us. We really thought he cant breathe anymore. By God's grace, it led us to pray. We did and we asked God for instant miracle and his sickness isn't asthma, that I will drive safely and that the doctors are good natured. So funny that, Polo managed to make fun of his coughing so even he threw up it was for us an answered prayer. The ER doctors said it was asthma but because of the asthma meds, it made his throat so dry and that was the reason why he was coughing. Whew! No asthma. Praise God. He nebulized salinase and his cough stopped. We went home smile.
The third week
Friday, September 25, 2009
Luxembourg countdown
Excited and worried. The clock is ticking and I'm starting to think deeper about our move to Luxembourg. It is going to happen in just a matter of two or three months and our lives as a family will change direction. What am I thinking? We are already comfortable here in Manila and both of us have stable jobs, we have the support of family and friends, familiarity of everything around us, we follow routines that make life easy and we have a community to spiritually guide us. What will happen soon?
We gave these up. It is not like we are desperate. I am sure we can live our lives with these comforts. We will go to a place where we do not know anyone. A very very very far country that in case we wish to go back and make us sane, it wouldnt be that easy. There will be no one to give us encouragement when we are burdened. Even the weather is extremely different from our tropical orientation. And talk about the languages that we need to learn. Three difficult languages french, german and luxemburgish. Or even the culture that we have to embrace and where we would see our son slowly making it his own. Raising a family will solely rest on us. We can not anymore depend on our family to help us. We can only bring what we have learned from them.
I see these but we have not nor will we change our decision. I have no doubt that we are doing the right thing. Not because, we figured it out or we have perfected our plans and details. Only because we are going there with God. He is with us. It is His grace that we have faith in Him.
Are we ready? No. But it will happen whether we are or not. I dont even think that we can even really say that we are ready. I can choose to let the worst thought overwhelm me but I choose to look at God. All the time. Praise be to God for His faithfulness and His love for us.
We gave these up. It is not like we are desperate. I am sure we can live our lives with these comforts. We will go to a place where we do not know anyone. A very very very far country that in case we wish to go back and make us sane, it wouldnt be that easy. There will be no one to give us encouragement when we are burdened. Even the weather is extremely different from our tropical orientation. And talk about the languages that we need to learn. Three difficult languages french, german and luxemburgish. Or even the culture that we have to embrace and where we would see our son slowly making it his own. Raising a family will solely rest on us. We can not anymore depend on our family to help us. We can only bring what we have learned from them.
I see these but we have not nor will we change our decision. I have no doubt that we are doing the right thing. Not because, we figured it out or we have perfected our plans and details. Only because we are going there with God. He is with us. It is His grace that we have faith in Him.
Are we ready? No. But it will happen whether we are or not. I dont even think that we can even really say that we are ready. I can choose to let the worst thought overwhelm me but I choose to look at God. All the time. Praise be to God for His faithfulness and His love for us.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
a little bit
Work is a pressure cooker but do your best not to make you soft! Burst or hang on? I think pressure in work shouldn't kill you because at the end of the day it isn't your end all. For me, it is God first. If there is the pressure cooker, He is the one getting the steam off me. My family second. People can make me smile no matter who cruel my work day ended. To be embraced by a child and by a wife. Hmmmmm.. how refreshing, isn't it? Then my friends. These are the one who can sometimes absorb the pressure of the day. Let you vent out or critize anyone without hearing them judging you. It helps a lot to be able to share to people what you are going through.
Then, you with these I learn how to love my work. :) Sometimes, it acts as a glue to me me closer to God, family and friends. Then again, my work is God's blessings and gifts. It is better to be pressured because of work than be pressured because you dont have one.
Then, you with these I learn how to love my work. :) Sometimes, it acts as a glue to me me closer to God, family and friends. Then again, my work is God's blessings and gifts. It is better to be pressured because of work than be pressured because you dont have one.
Tuesday, September 01, 2009
Realization in September
I have visited the Dentist five (5) times in a span of one month. I find that strange! Maybe it is about conquering my fears. I have never imagined that I would visit a dentist this much in my entire life. Tap tap tap! Good job Mr. Agustin. To be honest, the sight of a dentist makes me shiver inside. Even a simple procedure like cleaning is already a night mare for me. So, to finally agree to install braces for my teeth, cleaning, adjustment and a pasta for me are accomplishments that deserved to be applauded. Woohooo!
I've been asked by a Doctor to temporarily (at least four (4) weeks) to stop drinking coffee and other drinks and food that could worsen my stomach acidity. Apparently, I was already having a heart burn and all along I thought I just needed muscle relaxant. GERD was the initial diagnoses but she made go to the laboratory for an ECG. Whoa!! What is happening?! Of course, I was concerned. It was my heart that she wanted to check. I obeyed without question and without delay. I had the ECG and that same day I gave her the result of the ECG. Whew! Thank God. The result was normal and so it was GERD. BUT, yeah I still had a cup of coffee a day. Except for this day. My excuse? Excrutiating headache!! hahaahah.. But it is true and it is part of the effect for stopping coffee abruptly. Though, I already started drinking Tea and so far so good. Ok, lets see..
I went to the gym for a year and I've lost 15lbs! from 165lbs down to 150lbs. That's another feather on my cap. When I thought it can't be done, I did it. It wasn't easy. It was difficult and it did push me to the limit. Why? Cardio exercises like treadmill and cycling classes??? That was tough, man. I did though, I just saw my weight going down and it motivated me more. I also naturally had to support it with a disciplined diet. That's the formula. Always. No shortcut. Sweat it out and not to pig out. Eat in moderation though a day of just eating wouldn't hurt provided you know when to stop. I did it. I am happy about it.
We've sent Polo to playschool so he would at least have an idea what it is like being around other children and listening to teachers. It is all worth it. He is responding well and is well liked by his teachers. Next stop would be to enrol him to Kindermusic and French lesson as well.
I didnt obey God last year because I can't actually understand why He wanted me to study French. If only I obeyed. Why? Now, I need to learn French in 120 hours only. hahahaahaaahahaha... Goodluck. Imagine if I studied last year then for sure at least I can understand a little or talk a little of French. Amazing. Isn't it? There are really things that God would ask of you to do but you wouldn't understand the reason at that moment and you just have to obey blindly. This is just a simple example of why we should obey God and there are a lot more examples that I can think of. Some of them are more complicated and too difficult to follow and yet at the end it will always be for the best. That's God's way.
Obviously, God is prepping us for a life changing moment. At least this one, Mr. God is making sure we are prepared. That would be tomorrow or some other time.. :)
I've been asked by a Doctor to temporarily (at least four (4) weeks) to stop drinking coffee and other drinks and food that could worsen my stomach acidity. Apparently, I was already having a heart burn and all along I thought I just needed muscle relaxant. GERD was the initial diagnoses but she made go to the laboratory for an ECG. Whoa!! What is happening?! Of course, I was concerned. It was my heart that she wanted to check. I obeyed without question and without delay. I had the ECG and that same day I gave her the result of the ECG. Whew! Thank God. The result was normal and so it was GERD. BUT, yeah I still had a cup of coffee a day. Except for this day. My excuse? Excrutiating headache!! hahaahah.. But it is true and it is part of the effect for stopping coffee abruptly. Though, I already started drinking Tea and so far so good. Ok, lets see..
I went to the gym for a year and I've lost 15lbs! from 165lbs down to 150lbs. That's another feather on my cap. When I thought it can't be done, I did it. It wasn't easy. It was difficult and it did push me to the limit. Why? Cardio exercises like treadmill and cycling classes??? That was tough, man. I did though, I just saw my weight going down and it motivated me more. I also naturally had to support it with a disciplined diet. That's the formula. Always. No shortcut. Sweat it out and not to pig out. Eat in moderation though a day of just eating wouldn't hurt provided you know when to stop. I did it. I am happy about it.
We've sent Polo to playschool so he would at least have an idea what it is like being around other children and listening to teachers. It is all worth it. He is responding well and is well liked by his teachers. Next stop would be to enrol him to Kindermusic and French lesson as well.
I didnt obey God last year because I can't actually understand why He wanted me to study French. If only I obeyed. Why? Now, I need to learn French in 120 hours only. hahahaahaaahahaha... Goodluck. Imagine if I studied last year then for sure at least I can understand a little or talk a little of French. Amazing. Isn't it? There are really things that God would ask of you to do but you wouldn't understand the reason at that moment and you just have to obey blindly. This is just a simple example of why we should obey God and there are a lot more examples that I can think of. Some of them are more complicated and too difficult to follow and yet at the end it will always be for the best. That's God's way.
Obviously, God is prepping us for a life changing moment. At least this one, Mr. God is making sure we are prepared. That would be tomorrow or some other time.. :)
Monday, July 06, 2009
my living saint
You have the purest of heart. I have known you for more than a decade already and never have I felt that you are hiding anything from me nor from others. Your intention is always for the welfare of others. Really. Your genuine care for others isn't pretensions nor for any other reason but it just that. You are concern. Sometimes I can’t catch up with you but it doesn’t deter you from serving. You are generous more than you think you are and I see it. Sometimes, I want to give up on people, I want to think for myself ourselves, or get angry at you for giving without limits. Yet, the word of God always struck me and become my basis for your actions. I follow. I know it is God who is moving you.Just weeks ago, we were trying to decide whether to give money or not. Though, I guess I was the only one who was trying to decide since you already have an answer. You didn’t push the issue nor give me a litany of whys... But God spoke directly as he said that we help as much as we could without thinking of what we can get out of it. He has given us enough and we will never have less or more. True. So, I followed. Then God also mentioned about the thorn in the flesh and that made me realize why we have to do be in some situations when sometimes I want to get out of it. I know you know what I mean.Going back to you. You are a good person. very good. I am blessed that you are my wife. I am forever grateful to God that we are together in this life. I am humbled by your heart that is cut for service. I have read about saints or people who are good example of living a Christian life but now, I realized that I have that person beside me. A good wife, mother, daughter and friend. You want to give as much as you can and that is the reason why our life together is blessed as well.Yeah, that's the reason why I let you buy something for yourself. I know that if I say no, you will follow me. I know that if someone ask you to help them, you will give rather buy something for yourself. That's the reason why you keep on asking me if you can buy this or that because you are not used to it. It is easier for you to give than to think for your self. I see that so I give you a chance to have what ever you want as long as we can afford it. You treat it as a gift for you and it has more meaning that way.You are an inspiration to me. I see in you how it should be to be a good family person. That family comes first no matter what. That if there is someone who knocks, we should let the person in and help. You inspire me to be clear with my intention and be sincere. I sometimes read books to be inspired and learn from great men/women who are showing the way. But here you are my dearest wife. I am a witness to these great things. I see you and what you have done and why you are doing it. Definitely, one can only continue to show generosity if one possesses a pure and sincere heart.Thank you for being a light to me and allowing me to see Christ in you.
Monday, March 02, 2009
Two Leaves Falling
I stood there with all the memories rushing to come back
The exact ground where we throw our marbles or bottle caps
The corners where we hid on cloudless but moon lit nights playing hide and seek.
I walked and remembered where we used to run endlessly
Where we sometimes gather and exchange our amazing stories
I can still see the different animals that had been part of our childhood
I sat underneath a tree where we spent our afternoon
The trees that provided us,children food during summer breaks
The trees that witnessed the changes that took place
They silently hold all the memories that maybe one day we will try to recapture
It is all different now.
No more children running.
No more shouting, laughing or even crying.
Just the barking dogs.
Just a couple of trees that remained standing
Sometimes we have been too far and then remember things
The way it had been but there is no turning back
Life is just about remembering and moving forward
It isn't as easy as I realize now
Can I embrace a moment for awhile and cherish it until I am ready to let go?
I guess not. Everything will just eventually move.
There is no standstill. No second chance.
A day is created for a day and tomorrow is already different.
I am witnessing my child growing and only two years have passed since his birth
I am sure in due time I will go back to his first two years and lovingly remember
what is happening now.
Maybe a tear will eventually fall
There is no turning back so today is what I have.
Today is the treasure that I will open in the future.
Today is what I cherish, being with my family
I can not go back nor look back for too long
This is what I have.
The exact ground where we throw our marbles or bottle caps
The corners where we hid on cloudless but moon lit nights playing hide and seek.
I walked and remembered where we used to run endlessly
Where we sometimes gather and exchange our amazing stories
I can still see the different animals that had been part of our childhood
I sat underneath a tree where we spent our afternoon
The trees that provided us,children food during summer breaks
The trees that witnessed the changes that took place
They silently hold all the memories that maybe one day we will try to recapture
It is all different now.
No more children running.
No more shouting, laughing or even crying.
Just the barking dogs.
Just a couple of trees that remained standing
Sometimes we have been too far and then remember things
The way it had been but there is no turning back
Life is just about remembering and moving forward
It isn't as easy as I realize now
Can I embrace a moment for awhile and cherish it until I am ready to let go?
I guess not. Everything will just eventually move.
There is no standstill. No second chance.
A day is created for a day and tomorrow is already different.
I am witnessing my child growing and only two years have passed since his birth
I am sure in due time I will go back to his first two years and lovingly remember
what is happening now.
Maybe a tear will eventually fall
There is no turning back so today is what I have.
Today is the treasure that I will open in the future.
Today is what I cherish, being with my family
I can not go back nor look back for too long
This is what I have.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Polo- visit my FB for more.. :)
With Kuya Ethan 
Diving in stones
Thinking what's next
I think this is cool
I really think so..
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Lessons in Vienna Austria
First, I've learned to use a train rather than the more comfortable taxis. Crazy, I was informed by our hotel that it could cost me as much as Euro18 to go to the BARG meeting venue while a train just cost me Euro1.70.
The funny thing is that I have different eperiences in the three (3) days that I used the train. First day, I asked the front desk for a direction and she exlained it clearly and so with a map on my hand I confidently board a train. After 20min or so I was already in Karlplatz. I didn't that much but I just went out of the station believing it was like an MRT where as soon as get out it would be easy to go where ever you want. I was wrong. The was landmark the front lady told me was no where in sight. I had to open my big map and then I had to ask people. I did. Maybe I asked three people. They told me where but all of them wanted me to take a tramp. I said I want to walk. You know be familiar with the place and see Vienna by foot. At last the last guy told me that at the end of the block I will see Mcdonald's then I turn right. McDO??? now that sounds familiar. So, I did and then ask few more people until I finally arrived. No sweat literally. It was cold so it was good for walking.
The second day. Karlplatz and I said I will not get lost again. But lo and behold, when I stepped out of the station it was a different place all together. I had to look for that damn Mcdo. Whew.. I had to ask and ask until I found my way. Faster than it was the other day.
The third day. Naah, I wont get lost anymore and then I was with my colleague so no more problem. I spoke fast. When we arrived and step out of the station. IT WAS RAINING!! hahahahahahaha.... We waited and waited and actually went inside a school campus for shelter. It seemed that the rain wouldn't stop so we decided to take a cab.
The whole time I was in Vienna was like being in a gym. Just walking and walking and walking for more until the last day. The food wasn't good at all. Filipino food is still the best. C'mmon not let me eat binagoongan, lechon kawali, sinigang na baboy etc etc., hmmm, now I am hungry. Well, I am happy with the experience.
The real and very important learnings happened on the second day. I was tired the night before because we ate very late in a fancy restaurant (for free, but the food wasn't that recommendable but the ambience of that place was different and so it made me buy a bottle of wine and I hope iy would reach the Philippines in good shape). Different time zone and got tired with all the walking with a very heavy laptop bag. Anyway, in the afternoon the blue bug hit me. Yeah, I was feeling sad and maybe homesick and drain with all the presentations and meetings I had. This made me feel a little bit intimidated and so at the end of the sessions, I was really in the right disposition. I needed an open space.
I walked and saw that people were going inside a very old gate. I came in and it made me laugh inside because it was a university and people stared at me. An Asian guy lost in a crowd of Austrian students. I prentended that I wasn't lost but Im sure they figured it out. Then I went inside another gate. I got my open space. It was the Belvedere. Wow. I mean wow! Huge.. anyway, I sat down and relaxed a bit and took some pictures and decided to come back the following day. Ok, I wasn't really feeling well yet. blue blue blue... my world was blue. Then I saw a church. The doors were open. But I wasn't sure yet that it was a Catholic church. Then I saw the pictures of the late Pope John Paul II and that of Mother Mary. I felt it. I was home. It was God's grace that I was there. Right there and then a tear fell off. I was sad and homesick and He called me. That's how much God loves me. He knew me inside and outside. He knew I needed some rest. How I felt His love and how it changed what I was feeling. I saw just maybe five people and realized that the Priest was preparing for the Mass. I decided to stay. I didn't understand a word because everything was in German. I just went a long. That night I opened the bible and I was struck with reading in Psalms for that day. You know, the trees are planted on a stream.. something like that. See. He refreshed me and gave me enough energy and positive feeling to end a week long journey. Going back to the mass. God was in Austria as He is in the Philippines. He was in Slovenia and anywhere I went. I know He can speak in German but He made sure to tell me in English and Filipino how everything will be alright and that He was there for me. Amen. He was with me all the time.
Ok.. there are other learnings but I am starting to get dizzy. I can't wait to get home and see Josephine and my dear son, Polo. :)
The funny thing is that I have different eperiences in the three (3) days that I used the train. First day, I asked the front desk for a direction and she exlained it clearly and so with a map on my hand I confidently board a train. After 20min or so I was already in Karlplatz. I didn't that much but I just went out of the station believing it was like an MRT where as soon as get out it would be easy to go where ever you want. I was wrong. The was landmark the front lady told me was no where in sight. I had to open my big map and then I had to ask people. I did. Maybe I asked three people. They told me where but all of them wanted me to take a tramp. I said I want to walk. You know be familiar with the place and see Vienna by foot. At last the last guy told me that at the end of the block I will see Mcdonald's then I turn right. McDO??? now that sounds familiar. So, I did and then ask few more people until I finally arrived. No sweat literally. It was cold so it was good for walking.
The second day. Karlplatz and I said I will not get lost again. But lo and behold, when I stepped out of the station it was a different place all together. I had to look for that damn Mcdo. Whew.. I had to ask and ask until I found my way. Faster than it was the other day.
The third day. Naah, I wont get lost anymore and then I was with my colleague so no more problem. I spoke fast. When we arrived and step out of the station. IT WAS RAINING!! hahahahahahaha.... We waited and waited and actually went inside a school campus for shelter. It seemed that the rain wouldn't stop so we decided to take a cab.
The whole time I was in Vienna was like being in a gym. Just walking and walking and walking for more until the last day. The food wasn't good at all. Filipino food is still the best. C'mmon not let me eat binagoongan, lechon kawali, sinigang na baboy etc etc., hmmm, now I am hungry. Well, I am happy with the experience.
The real and very important learnings happened on the second day. I was tired the night before because we ate very late in a fancy restaurant (for free, but the food wasn't that recommendable but the ambience of that place was different and so it made me buy a bottle of wine and I hope iy would reach the Philippines in good shape). Different time zone and got tired with all the walking with a very heavy laptop bag. Anyway, in the afternoon the blue bug hit me. Yeah, I was feeling sad and maybe homesick and drain with all the presentations and meetings I had. This made me feel a little bit intimidated and so at the end of the sessions, I was really in the right disposition. I needed an open space.
I walked and saw that people were going inside a very old gate. I came in and it made me laugh inside because it was a university and people stared at me. An Asian guy lost in a crowd of Austrian students. I prentended that I wasn't lost but Im sure they figured it out. Then I went inside another gate. I got my open space. It was the Belvedere. Wow. I mean wow! Huge.. anyway, I sat down and relaxed a bit and took some pictures and decided to come back the following day. Ok, I wasn't really feeling well yet. blue blue blue... my world was blue. Then I saw a church. The doors were open. But I wasn't sure yet that it was a Catholic church. Then I saw the pictures of the late Pope John Paul II and that of Mother Mary. I felt it. I was home. It was God's grace that I was there. Right there and then a tear fell off. I was sad and homesick and He called me. That's how much God loves me. He knew me inside and outside. He knew I needed some rest. How I felt His love and how it changed what I was feeling. I saw just maybe five people and realized that the Priest was preparing for the Mass. I decided to stay. I didn't understand a word because everything was in German. I just went a long. That night I opened the bible and I was struck with reading in Psalms for that day. You know, the trees are planted on a stream.. something like that. See. He refreshed me and gave me enough energy and positive feeling to end a week long journey. Going back to the mass. God was in Austria as He is in the Philippines. He was in Slovenia and anywhere I went. I know He can speak in German but He made sure to tell me in English and Filipino how everything will be alright and that He was there for me. Amen. He was with me all the time.
Ok.. there are other learnings but I am starting to get dizzy. I can't wait to get home and see Josephine and my dear son, Polo. :)
Saturday, October 11, 2008
To Vienna with work....and fun
Day One:
Nope. I am not yet there. I just landed from Manila to HK and waiting for the real flight. This is nothing compares to the more than 15hrs of flight time which will start in about an hour and half. PAL had some problem with the landing gears so talk and we got delayed by 30 minutes. Then, in the runway it wasn't smooth at all. It was like there potholes everywhere so yeah I admit I got scared as usual. I prayed and prayed. The plane took off and then we encountered turbulence. AAAAAAhhhhhhhh.. talk about my first experience in business class (actually second :) ). Just imagine my face turning white as all my blood was evaporating and I do not where it was going. I prayed again and asked to please shield us from the wind. That did it. It stopped. I can just imagine how the apostles felt when the storm calmed down when Jesus commanded it to stop. Yeah, I pretty sure we had the same experience. Cool dudes. :)
I was in Mabuhay Lounge in Manila now I am at the Cathay Pacific Business Lounge. Cool for a simple guy. Though, in the past days I did maybe something that I never did before. I shopped like my wife but mine was more expensive. All these branded items from laptop bags, wallet, gloves, scarf, ballpen to passport holder etc etc aren't really my thing because deep inside me I knew that I spent a lot for this trip. Pardon me. My intention is just to be at least presentable to my counterparts. I dont want to feel so off. I am there not just for myself but for my company and of course I also represent the Philippines. Ey dont get me wrong. Though I said branded items these are not the top of the line. Just simple items that for simple Filipinos like I am are already considered branded. :). I am happy.
Ok. That's about it for today... I have to psyche myself for now... :)
Nope. I am not yet there. I just landed from Manila to HK and waiting for the real flight. This is nothing compares to the more than 15hrs of flight time which will start in about an hour and half. PAL had some problem with the landing gears so talk and we got delayed by 30 minutes. Then, in the runway it wasn't smooth at all. It was like there potholes everywhere so yeah I admit I got scared as usual. I prayed and prayed. The plane took off and then we encountered turbulence. AAAAAAhhhhhhhh.. talk about my first experience in business class (actually second :) ). Just imagine my face turning white as all my blood was evaporating and I do not where it was going. I prayed again and asked to please shield us from the wind. That did it. It stopped. I can just imagine how the apostles felt when the storm calmed down when Jesus commanded it to stop. Yeah, I pretty sure we had the same experience. Cool dudes. :)
I was in Mabuhay Lounge in Manila now I am at the Cathay Pacific Business Lounge. Cool for a simple guy. Though, in the past days I did maybe something that I never did before. I shopped like my wife but mine was more expensive. All these branded items from laptop bags, wallet, gloves, scarf, ballpen to passport holder etc etc aren't really my thing because deep inside me I knew that I spent a lot for this trip. Pardon me. My intention is just to be at least presentable to my counterparts. I dont want to feel so off. I am there not just for myself but for my company and of course I also represent the Philippines. Ey dont get me wrong. Though I said branded items these are not the top of the line. Just simple items that for simple Filipinos like I am are already considered branded. :). I am happy.
Ok. That's about it for today... I have to psyche myself for now... :)
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
That "Ber-feeling" is here
Pool time with friends. Kuya Ethan and Maia.
Ethan explaining and Polo giving his Mom a look on why they can still play in the pool
Kid-made-little-tidal waves
Yup. I love swimming.
Hmmm. which should I play next....
Just another day at work
My own version of rain
Co workers busy
Friday, September 05, 2008
Papa Bin Papa Babin Pa Bin
The other day Polo shouted in full volume my name. He wanted me to get his toys from the cabinet. Of course, his request had his unique version of saying "PLEASE"..... What made me laugh was when he called me by my name. Hahahahahahaha... I heard him before calling me Marvin, not perfect but it was still Marvin. I thought then that he would not like be the other children who had a hard time prouncing Marvin. Then again, Polo just called and kept on calling me Papa Bin especially if it is with great urgency for him. Sometimes he would even grab my hand and lead me where he wants to be. That's my son. I like it. If you want anything say it. hahahahahahaahahaha.. At least he is not calling me Pappy anymore. May he realize that we are not dogs or he hasn't seen wowowie lately.
All of the sudden we are now concern about the price of his diapers, baby wipes and soap. They are very every expensive. When he was still a baby, it was hard because of his sensitive skin but now, we are ready to try the cheaper ones. Php12 per diaper.. that's expensive.. :) We will try to use the more affordable ones. That's not a problem. But we wish not to save on his milk or food. We will give want we can. Polo's diet, lots of fruits, juice, rice, bread and how he loves pop corn... he eats anything though it also depends on how it is presented. He likes rice so much. He would say, "rice" rice" rice.. and if he wants something.. he would say...like like like... if he gets what he wants.. he has this "excited" expression and body language that a parent would always want to see.. :) He is really adorable and sweet. I came home late one evening. He woke up in the middle of the night and saw me beside him. Polo sat and then lay down on my chest. It was like he was telling me. "My daddy is here at last" After a few minutes, he went to his mom to sleep. Touching that even if he woke me up, I still felt loved by this little kid.
Our kids have this power over us. A positive one. I know everyone agress how they can wipe away the stresses of life, refresh tired bodies, warm up a sad and cold heart. That's how they are. Pure love exists through them from God. I actually still can't believe that I already have a child of my own. I am enjoying everyminute of it. He isn't just a friend who came across my path. He is our child. Wow. Thank God. Praise God. To hear him call me Papa is something I always look forward to everyday.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
God is Faithful!
Amen. That's the message of Paul to the Corinthians in the first reading today.
I amazed. Yesterday's reading was about not giving up and something else which struck me. Ey, up until now God is watching over me. Thank God for His grace that I am able to read His words. It is different. Somehow, I feel guided and I feel that someone is looking after me.
Look. I am caught in a big web of responsibilities. Tough. Trying to free my right hand only to find out that my other arm and legs are also stuck to this web. Much of the time, I just lay there thinking that one day I will be free but if I dont do anything then nothing will happen. Oh, maybe something more bad can happen. His words then are refreshing to me.
You can not really change people. IT is a personal decision. You can empower them. Uplift them. Say good things about them. Inspire them. Teach them. At the end of the plank, it is them who should jump and no one can do that for them. I have learned how to respect in a much deeper sense. Before, I get frustrated with people whom I was trying to push and do the things I've been telling them to do. I knew that I can't but deep inside it was like a war going on. I wanted to just bang his/her head to make him realize things. Of course, I can't.
Now it is different. If a person doesn't agree with my suggestion or opinion. I let him be without any resentment. Sometimes.. you will see potential in a person and those are the times that I feel compelled to let that person knows his/her inner strength and how he can improve it. Only to my dismay, that person doesnt believe he can pull it through. It is so clear that the person he is seeing is totally different from what I am seeing. Patience then. Be consistent and pray that one day they would learn to accept what the people around them are seeing.
Battling low self esteem is a fight that takes time and effort and no matter what the other say and regardless of their relationship, at the end it is a one on one battle. Oh. me I won it with God on my side. When I did, only then that I realized that it wasn't difficult at all. It was just really a decision to just to take one brave step to a renewed you. Eureka! That was it. I felt free. It was hardwork and one decision. That is to move.
I amazed. Yesterday's reading was about not giving up and something else which struck me. Ey, up until now God is watching over me. Thank God for His grace that I am able to read His words. It is different. Somehow, I feel guided and I feel that someone is looking after me.
Look. I am caught in a big web of responsibilities. Tough. Trying to free my right hand only to find out that my other arm and legs are also stuck to this web. Much of the time, I just lay there thinking that one day I will be free but if I dont do anything then nothing will happen. Oh, maybe something more bad can happen. His words then are refreshing to me.
You can not really change people. IT is a personal decision. You can empower them. Uplift them. Say good things about them. Inspire them. Teach them. At the end of the plank, it is them who should jump and no one can do that for them. I have learned how to respect in a much deeper sense. Before, I get frustrated with people whom I was trying to push and do the things I've been telling them to do. I knew that I can't but deep inside it was like a war going on. I wanted to just bang his/her head to make him realize things. Of course, I can't.
Now it is different. If a person doesn't agree with my suggestion or opinion. I let him be without any resentment. Sometimes.. you will see potential in a person and those are the times that I feel compelled to let that person knows his/her inner strength and how he can improve it. Only to my dismay, that person doesnt believe he can pull it through. It is so clear that the person he is seeing is totally different from what I am seeing. Patience then. Be consistent and pray that one day they would learn to accept what the people around them are seeing.
Battling low self esteem is a fight that takes time and effort and no matter what the other say and regardless of their relationship, at the end it is a one on one battle. Oh. me I won it with God on my side. When I did, only then that I realized that it wasn't difficult at all. It was just really a decision to just to take one brave step to a renewed you. Eureka! That was it. I felt free. It was hardwork and one decision. That is to move.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
A decision has to be made and I said YES to it.
No more. One day I know I have to decide and do the necessary change in my life. Accept that this is how it is. No more what if or only if and any of its variations or forms. No more delaying. I have been stuck in here for so long that I have started to enjoy it. Obviously, it isn't healthy and staying at a station without any intention to leave is a life half lived. Unless, that's the station you should embark. Even then you still have to leave the station and go to where you should be going. Not there. NO one should stay only at a station wasting precious moments. Life can not wait. We live the life. I am not sure I am making sense here but I have said it.
You know, like go to a coffee shop/bars with your friends or drink alone by yourself. Eventually, time will catch up and you have to go home. What ever deals you have to face in your house, you should face it.
Tomorrow. It will be a different day even if the Philippines today is engulf by thick clouds and endless raining. It doesn't matter. It will not count. Change is knocking. Not once but persistently from the day I opened and entered a door. Get out, it is shouting. Don't live in virtual comfort. An illusion of contentment. Get grip of reality. There is more. Board the train and go. Dont be late anymore. The ticket has been issued and it would cost you another gold if you let it slip away. While train may come but time would not stay still. Leave now while you can.
Tomorrow. A new song from my heart. A different ideology. I have to go even. There is no map to follow but just instructions on what I should be doing. Humble me Father. Humble my lazy heart and let me go back to they ways of a prudent man. I have achieved nothing yet. Following You should still be my biggest concern. I didn't earn a pass to be complacent but just a ticket for a new job. A new responsibility. A new life. That is what is all about. There is no use. I have been given a new pair of shoes but if I dont run it meant nothing at all.
I dont need to be running in full gear I only have to carry my legs one at a time. Make the necessary steps and learn once again how to walk and then fly. Soar. Again, nobody is here to remind me that. I am against myself. I am not align with my values and my attitude is slowly being corrupted by inefficiency. A decay that could soon be a cause of regret, disappointment, tears, fears and nightmares. I always remember what Stephen Covey has said, if you pick a stick at one end you will surely also get the other end of that stick. Part of life is choosing the direction of where we want to go, how we want to go there and what do we need to do. We know the answer. Always. That's the reason why at this age maybe I shouldn't wait for someone to tell me what I should be doing because at the back of mind, I know it.
There is no excuse. Only choices. Yesterdays have happened. People might have said something hurtful, unproductive or they were unkind. So be it. They should not made be into excuses. Like carrying posters in the streets and telling the whole world how unkind people/circumstances were to you. No one will listen and even if they do so what? What will you do with their sympathies? Justification of an efficient life? Loser. Loser really. I mean really really really.
No need of that. I remember the first time I drove my brand new car. After, years of being comfortable of having an AT car, I really got afraid when it was time to drive a much bigger and it was MT too. I was very nervous because I had to take it out from the warehouse during rush hour. Wow. I could have backed away and just maybe ask my brother to bring it home. I could also maybe let it stay at the warehouse and wait for the license plate. I could have given other excuses just not to drive it at that particular day. But hey, I was excited. It would be my first time to drive a car. It was also the first time in our family that someone was able to have brand new car (and a SUV at that). When I first saw my car, my jaw dropped. Wow. I swear, I could have embraced it if not for the people around me. I could have kissed it. I went inside and then with my stroke the engine roar into life. How sweet it was to hear and smell the freshness of a new car. Was I still worried? Nope. I took control. Yeah, I was still nervous but eventually I felt it wasn't difficult at all.
So tomorrow, I will start the engine and toot toot toot.. off I go to my next journey. I should be excited, I am going to VIENNA, AUSTRIA this October. :)
You know, like go to a coffee shop/bars with your friends or drink alone by yourself. Eventually, time will catch up and you have to go home. What ever deals you have to face in your house, you should face it.
Tomorrow. It will be a different day even if the Philippines today is engulf by thick clouds and endless raining. It doesn't matter. It will not count. Change is knocking. Not once but persistently from the day I opened and entered a door. Get out, it is shouting. Don't live in virtual comfort. An illusion of contentment. Get grip of reality. There is more. Board the train and go. Dont be late anymore. The ticket has been issued and it would cost you another gold if you let it slip away. While train may come but time would not stay still. Leave now while you can.
Tomorrow. A new song from my heart. A different ideology. I have to go even. There is no map to follow but just instructions on what I should be doing. Humble me Father. Humble my lazy heart and let me go back to they ways of a prudent man. I have achieved nothing yet. Following You should still be my biggest concern. I didn't earn a pass to be complacent but just a ticket for a new job. A new responsibility. A new life. That is what is all about. There is no use. I have been given a new pair of shoes but if I dont run it meant nothing at all.
I dont need to be running in full gear I only have to carry my legs one at a time. Make the necessary steps and learn once again how to walk and then fly. Soar. Again, nobody is here to remind me that. I am against myself. I am not align with my values and my attitude is slowly being corrupted by inefficiency. A decay that could soon be a cause of regret, disappointment, tears, fears and nightmares. I always remember what Stephen Covey has said, if you pick a stick at one end you will surely also get the other end of that stick. Part of life is choosing the direction of where we want to go, how we want to go there and what do we need to do. We know the answer. Always. That's the reason why at this age maybe I shouldn't wait for someone to tell me what I should be doing because at the back of mind, I know it.
There is no excuse. Only choices. Yesterdays have happened. People might have said something hurtful, unproductive or they were unkind. So be it. They should not made be into excuses. Like carrying posters in the streets and telling the whole world how unkind people/circumstances were to you. No one will listen and even if they do so what? What will you do with their sympathies? Justification of an efficient life? Loser. Loser really. I mean really really really.
No need of that. I remember the first time I drove my brand new car. After, years of being comfortable of having an AT car, I really got afraid when it was time to drive a much bigger and it was MT too. I was very nervous because I had to take it out from the warehouse during rush hour. Wow. I could have backed away and just maybe ask my brother to bring it home. I could also maybe let it stay at the warehouse and wait for the license plate. I could have given other excuses just not to drive it at that particular day. But hey, I was excited. It would be my first time to drive a car. It was also the first time in our family that someone was able to have brand new car (and a SUV at that). When I first saw my car, my jaw dropped. Wow. I swear, I could have embraced it if not for the people around me. I could have kissed it. I went inside and then with my stroke the engine roar into life. How sweet it was to hear and smell the freshness of a new car. Was I still worried? Nope. I took control. Yeah, I was still nervous but eventually I felt it wasn't difficult at all.
So tomorrow, I will start the engine and toot toot toot.. off I go to my next journey. I should be excited, I am going to VIENNA, AUSTRIA this October. :)
Monday, June 02, 2008
Be inspired
Let's say I climbed a mountain and I reached a point which happened to be my goal. I trained and worked hard to reach this peak and so I enjoyed being here. The view and everything and whew what a journey it had been. Life is good. Rewarding. But it shouldn't be over. This shouldn't be the goal yet but just a stepping stone. Ahhhhhhhhhh!!! how many stepping stones should be there in the first place? I guess the a better question is what is my goal in the first place. I read in a book (Tipping point) about this scenario.
I felt special when I still a Supervisor. You know doing things that were beyond my position. Knowing a lot which weren't expected of me. Then now, I am a Manager. Nope. There is no more feeling of being on top of my job. I have became ordinary because of the promotion. Get it? I mean when I was still in a rank below, I did things that made people say that I was ready to be a Manager. And now, it is just expected. Not that I am fishing for affirmation or what. I realize though that I should rise and perform. That's where my problem is right now.
Inspiration.
I think our soul must be connected to the things that we are doing or love to do. It should be our soul that should propel us to do things. Not just the heart and mind. Mind is the first level. Heart is the second and the soul is the most important level. In the soul level, it lets you face and overcome physical limitations and it overrides the negative feelings to let you succeed and proceed to what ever goal you have set in place. Hmmmmm.. People just talk about the heart and mind but I think now in my stage the sould is more applicable.
Have you ever heard a music that touch your soul so deep that makes you stay still for a while. It isn't your lips that is singing or your ears that are listening. This time, it is your soul. You dont want to move, you feel that it should last more and do not want it to end, you don't sing a long with it, you close your eyes and not really see anything but inside you something magical is happening. You try to smell it or touch it but can't because it is needed. It is living within you. It is a moment when you do not care what is happening outside, or if you have any concerns, or if you are tired. Just there in a moment. That my friend is your soul.
We all need that connection. How much experience/ecstacy it would be if your could commune with God. Wow! Perfect. Diba? Ok. I understand that it would be easier to achieve this kind of experience if you a lot some of your precious time for meditation. Yeah, maybe once a day or twice a week. All I think is that it is needed. It let's you see clearly, remove the clouds inside your mind. Just that and let your soul be free. Let it listen and sing and most importantly think.
Yeah, that's my opinion. We are busy everyday at work, weekends for the family and see it could lead you to a crowded street and eventually stress you out. Working with this kind of stress has a negative impact.
Inspiration. Where will get it though? I am struggling. I need to silence my self and hear.
I felt special when I still a Supervisor. You know doing things that were beyond my position. Knowing a lot which weren't expected of me. Then now, I am a Manager. Nope. There is no more feeling of being on top of my job. I have became ordinary because of the promotion. Get it? I mean when I was still in a rank below, I did things that made people say that I was ready to be a Manager. And now, it is just expected. Not that I am fishing for affirmation or what. I realize though that I should rise and perform. That's where my problem is right now.
Inspiration.
I think our soul must be connected to the things that we are doing or love to do. It should be our soul that should propel us to do things. Not just the heart and mind. Mind is the first level. Heart is the second and the soul is the most important level. In the soul level, it lets you face and overcome physical limitations and it overrides the negative feelings to let you succeed and proceed to what ever goal you have set in place. Hmmmmm.. People just talk about the heart and mind but I think now in my stage the sould is more applicable.
Have you ever heard a music that touch your soul so deep that makes you stay still for a while. It isn't your lips that is singing or your ears that are listening. This time, it is your soul. You dont want to move, you feel that it should last more and do not want it to end, you don't sing a long with it, you close your eyes and not really see anything but inside you something magical is happening. You try to smell it or touch it but can't because it is needed. It is living within you. It is a moment when you do not care what is happening outside, or if you have any concerns, or if you are tired. Just there in a moment. That my friend is your soul.
We all need that connection. How much experience/ecstacy it would be if your could commune with God. Wow! Perfect. Diba? Ok. I understand that it would be easier to achieve this kind of experience if you a lot some of your precious time for meditation. Yeah, maybe once a day or twice a week. All I think is that it is needed. It let's you see clearly, remove the clouds inside your mind. Just that and let your soul be free. Let it listen and sing and most importantly think.
Yeah, that's my opinion. We are busy everyday at work, weekends for the family and see it could lead you to a crowded street and eventually stress you out. Working with this kind of stress has a negative impact.
Inspiration. Where will get it though? I am struggling. I need to silence my self and hear.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Hillsong Manila!
I am just one of the 20,000 plus people who watched the concert of Hillsong at Araneta. Yet, I didn't feel insignificantat all. I felt special being in one big community regardless of backgrounds we were all there to worship God. A gathering so specially amazing because of the audience's responses. It was different. I mean, the concert wasn't marketed heavily at all. You would think that only a few knew about it. Nothing in the tv, radio, magazine and maybe just a little in the newspaper and yet it was very very very successful! Two and half hours of complete ecstacy. We were all worshiping God. Unbelievable and yet it happened and I was there to witness it.
You ask around who or what Hillsong is all about and you will receive blank faces. Yeah, only a few would know but there wow! Araneta was filled with so many worshippers! The best thing that ever happened. I am telling you, if you attend a "concert worship"especially if it is Hillsong I think you might not be that interested to attend a regular concert. Because here you scream, shout, dance, pray, sing not for the singers/band but for God.
I still belong after all. That's what I realized last night. What ever I have achieved shouldn't be a reason for me to stop searching and longing for Jesus. Oh, I have not achieved anything if it just created distance between me and God. Not. I am for God. I love God and I know He loves me more than what I have done and He will not allow me to wander far from Him. I know that and believe in how much He cares for me. Everyday. I've been deliquent in my prayers lately especially my evening prayers and yet He is still here. Jesus is so cool.
He is the reason and will always be the reason why I live. He is where I am. I am here with Him. I might not be able to be as perfect as I want it to be but He is. He will be there when I fall down and He will be the one lift me high. I am not afraid to look back at my life. Before maybe I was, I have so many regrets and resentments but now it is totally different. I see God. I see His footprints. I see how He changed everything and how He made sure that I will be back on the right path. No matter if I look at my past or my present or my future I see Him. There are moments that I ignore Him but at the end I still see Him. I remember that this is how I want to be... I've lost my copy of my vision and mission statement but I remember that more than anything else, I want to Jesus to rule over me. Have I achieved it? I guess I am still far. :) There is still so much things to learn. I guess He is yet done with me. I am still a child after all.
Thursday, May 08, 2008
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
Let's get it on!
A different playing field. Upgrade. Just like in video games, in order for you to be more successful and win in the next level, you have to get some new tools, power, skills etc. Otherwise, it would tough to finish it or worse you will not even see the end.
Wow. The international roaming industry has changed so much since I started working. At first, it was just a matter of roll outs with new and happy roaming partners. Then came new technologies, then the alliances and now the rates game. Oh, the technology hasn't stopped yet. It just keeps on getting complicated. So many things to read.
This is precisely the reason why people should be trained as well. To cope and compete in this new game. Not only to learn from experience but maybe to acquire new skills through training. Pacquiao who is a great boxer no doubt but still he trains seriously whenever he has a fight. It pays off at the end.
I am not saying that we are not capable but as I've said it would help us be more efficient and effective in this highly competitive industry. Global.
I can't believe that I have this work. Really. I love it!!!! :) It is difficult and challenging but I enjoy it. Yeah, I spend extra hours working at home. Have not done that for years. I am not saying that I dont feel fear. I am not anxious. That it is all positive. Not. There are times when I want to quit and yes just be at home and spend the day not thinking about work. But c'mmon, this is perfectly where I want to be. I know there are a lot of things to improve. The problem is not with just work itself but I also encounter even with my own team and others. That's how dynamic everything is. Also, if you are not doing good (revenue wise), I understand that the more I will experience pressure and this moment is a perfect ground to learn about everything.
I am sure I have not experience yet the full force of this storm. It has just started. I should be mentally, emotionally and physically strong to arrive at the shore. I am. I still acknowledge God is with me.
1. Pray
2. Focus
3. Order
4. Courage
5. Fight
Wow. The international roaming industry has changed so much since I started working. At first, it was just a matter of roll outs with new and happy roaming partners. Then came new technologies, then the alliances and now the rates game. Oh, the technology hasn't stopped yet. It just keeps on getting complicated. So many things to read.
This is precisely the reason why people should be trained as well. To cope and compete in this new game. Not only to learn from experience but maybe to acquire new skills through training. Pacquiao who is a great boxer no doubt but still he trains seriously whenever he has a fight. It pays off at the end.
I am not saying that we are not capable but as I've said it would help us be more efficient and effective in this highly competitive industry. Global.
I can't believe that I have this work. Really. I love it!!!! :) It is difficult and challenging but I enjoy it. Yeah, I spend extra hours working at home. Have not done that for years. I am not saying that I dont feel fear. I am not anxious. That it is all positive. Not. There are times when I want to quit and yes just be at home and spend the day not thinking about work. But c'mmon, this is perfectly where I want to be. I know there are a lot of things to improve. The problem is not with just work itself but I also encounter even with my own team and others. That's how dynamic everything is. Also, if you are not doing good (revenue wise), I understand that the more I will experience pressure and this moment is a perfect ground to learn about everything.
I am sure I have not experience yet the full force of this storm. It has just started. I should be mentally, emotionally and physically strong to arrive at the shore. I am. I still acknowledge God is with me.
1. Pray
2. Focus
3. Order
4. Courage
5. Fight
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