Sleep deprived (practicing..: ) )

I had trouble sleeping last night. My back ache a little bit but it was enough to keep me awake. Actually, after reading stories to Polo, I was able to doze off but then I woke up after maybe 30 minutes after that, I can't sleep anymore. I got conscious with my back and all the things I was hearing got me irritated.

I tried several techniques to sleep and at the end it was a good book that lead me to wonderland. During my restlessness, I thought of my own father. How we are now. Who we were then. His influences to me. The things he did for our family during abundance and lean season. How he take cares of us, especially my mother. Nope, I don't think I am that close to Dad. But in fairness, I never felt that he favor anyone among his children. Even Mariel. His treatment to us all was the same. Maybe I will try to write about Dad another time. I just want to share my realization last night.

First, I forgive you, Dad. I dont hold you responsible for any failures or distress that came to my life along the way. Whether you were directly or indirectly involved. I set you free. I don't blame you. Looking at us four, we turned up just fine. We weren't scarred or have wounds that can't be healed. I know that you did your best for us and I do appreciate everything especially now. There were misunderstandings before but I guess it was really part of any relationships. Yeah, I admit that your words pierced my heart before and it did affect my whole well being. Even that, I have already forgiven you for those were the moments that humbled me to the ground. My wings were clipped and I needed to stay put. Not to be defeated but to re-focus my life. Do I regret it now? No. I learned so much. Believe it or not but it lead me to God and God took over my life since then. I've come to acknowledge His presence and the fruit of it all was love. See. If at the end of everything just made one to be close to God then it isn't bad after all. God healed everything and He made me realized so many valuable things. When Dad and I had the "major talk" of our lives, I gave up everything and just followed his counsel. I returned to my family since and life eventually opened a new beginning.

Second, I will tell story about you to my own son. I guess, I never heard my dad sharing to us his life with our grandfather. For me, I will make sure that my children will get to know his grandparents and admire them. I will teach my children to give proper respect to their grandparents.

Finally, I ended everything with a prayer for our parents.

When Jesus was on earth, His words were all about His Father. May I be able to emulate Jesus throughout my life.