I can only imagine

Like a ship gently sailing towards the horizon
Steady and calm guided by the great eagles of the sky
He sets sail to a place of lasting happiness where morning comes often
And evening is created for dancing

In just a glimpse he is gone forver
But left us so many treasures beyond compare
Who could buy integrity?
Who could buy generosity?
Who could buy sense of humor?
Who could by love?

No one could replace you
For God has given you to us
A special and unique gift to everyone
In our hearts there will only be you

You've given importance to each person you know
No one feels alone whenever you are around
You greet everybody with your smile
You open your doors to all

Thank you for showing us
How ones life should be lived
That family should come first
To remain simple and true to oneself

The list is unending
And defining you in words would be limiting you
To a great Man of God
Welcome home as you are now one with the Father.

Silly Annoying questions and how to face them

EDUCATION
When in Highschool
"What course will you take in college?" Irritation level: 2.5 noisy cats
I guess being in highschool and being young allow us to welcome this question and to answer it with passion. It will even help you create a "mature" image to the adult's eyes. If the person asking you is someone who is not that important to your life then just come out of something to get rid of that question and if the one who asked isn't satisfied then leave the battle. Who cares about what the person says.

When in College
What's your goal five years from now? Irritation level: 2 silly cats

Again, being asked about your plans and being able to answer it creates a positive image about you as a growing up individual. So, shoot. Tell them how you see yourself in the future and get them bored to make sure they won't ask that anymore next time you see each other.

Love life
1. Being a single

"Do you have a girlfriend? Irritation level: Irritation level 3.5 singing cats to 4.5 cats having sex (depends how long you stay in this stage)

Unless, poeple will see you being with someone constantly, this question will be part of your daily life. I guess this question can ruin your days especially if there are some issues in your life and if you always find yourself dreaming having a partner beside you. Then someone will just pop that bubble and make you feel helpless with this question. C'mmon... give the single people a break. If the partner is not yet there then it is not there. Having a lifetime partner is not something that you can just buy in your favorite grocery store. AGAIN..IT IS NOT EASY AND THERE IS NOTHING WRONG IN BEING SINGLE... so bump off. shoo shoo.. get away! How to handle this? First, I think you must be secured in being single and at the same time enjoying it and the rest of the technique will follow. You may also observe who frequently ask you this one and prepare a witty question/reply to him/her.

If yes, you have a partner the question will be
"When are you going to get married?" Irritation level: 4 chasing cats

What da?!!@$#*&. Another one, I personally endured this for so many years. As if getting married is so simple. If you are not yet married then you will know this once you are there. Iactually experienced the two phases of this stage

One.
If you are less than 25 yrs old people will to give their best to justify why you shouldn't get married yet. Scary world, Im telling you. Sometimes I wonder if they are happy in their married life. I mean don't kid me, some of them got married at a young age and from their stories I can sense some frustrations, missed opportunities. But, but but is getting married really sucks? Im sure is not. People are just overly concerned. If youare still studying then it is not the best time to get married but I guess having a job is already a passport.

Two.
Then if you are above 25 and has a partner
When are you going to get married? 10x a day! Irritation level: 10,000,000 cats having a conference at 2am and just beside your bedroom.

If you are the man, you will be super nervous about the idea of getting marrried. Not because you are not sure of the person you are tying the knot with but because of all the major responsibilities packaged in the marriage contract. Also, because of the preparation and the financial aspect of Will she accept the proposal? Am I ready? Do I have enough money to shoulder the wedding? and so on and so forth. Just imagine what's going on inside one's mind and be asked about marriage every single day!!! Whew!! I survived that and even if I already know the answer I deprived everybody of this important information at first until I proposed to my wife. She should be the first to know, right? My standard answer whenever asked varies from "It will come soon", "As soon as I see you walking the aisle, I will follow soon", I'm still saving.. etc etc

For the woman, I think they feel worse than we do. Why? Usually (or does it ever happen?), they are not the first one who makes the move? They are just there in waiting game. As time passes by, it will sometimes makes her wonder if she will ever walk the aisle. People, let's be careful in asking women about this sensitive issue. It hurts sometimes. How to avoid these people? Stay with your good friends who will defend you!

Children

As soon as you exchange I dos.
Is your wife pregant already? Any baby coming? blah blah blah... Iritation level: 10,000,000 cats scratching a blackboard.

No problem for the first few weeks but if it comes like pebbles in the air.Whoa, it will surely test your patience and kindness to humanity. I mean I would understand perfectly if it comes from close friends and most especially from parents and grandparents. But from all walks of life? From time to time, it is still normal but when it becomes the topic of all encounters then it surely becomes an epidemic of sort. Please wait. We will not hide it from anyone. We can't even hide, kids! But people do not realize how it impact us. We get pressured, paranoid etc., I don't think these are the fruits that we should be receiving. Forgive them Father for they don't just when not to ask.


I will stop here and wait until I exprience having a baby. Im sure the next question will be..."when are you planning to have another one..again. blah blah blah'''

Weight

When you are below your ideal weight.
People will always and always let you know (as if you do know) that you are getting thin.

When you are a little bit above your ideal weight.
Sometimes, it is better to be obviously fat because people won't mention that you are getting fat. BUT, if you just gain some pounds and boardering to being fat, I am telling you people will relentlessly remind you every single day that you are getting fat. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH.... it is so damn irritating and cruel. But once you lose those pounds, you will no hear a single word. What's wrong here people?? What are we trying to do to each other? blah blah blah the concern.. it is unsolicited. For example, if a woman has a bad hair day, im pretty sure she is aware of it but to hear a million times will drive her nuts. Hair is minor because you can fix it but being slightly overweight will take sometimes then to hear every damn day is so crazy.


I'M SURE PEOPLE/FRIENDS ASK THESE NOT TO IRRITATE ANYONE OR INTEND TO DISRUPT THE NATURAL SEQUENCE OF LIFE. WE ALL JUST WANT TO SHOW OUR CONCERN AND INTEREST TO ANYONE. THOUGH, THROUGH THIS I BECAME MORESENSITIVE TO OTHERS SO I DON'T JUST ASK THEM UNLESS THE OTHER PERSON IS READY TO BE ASKED. HOW? JUST LISTEN AND TIMING IS EVERYTHING. IF THE PERSON IS GETTING FAT, HE/SHE KNOWS IT SO USE THE RIGHT WORD AND SAY IT CONSIDERING THE PERSON'S FEELING.

Is Jesus your one true "Boss"?

(For me) The greatest challenge in working is how to motivate my self to strive for excellence....every working day! There are ways to follow this road but sometimes (especially now), I realized that there are so many distractions in the work place. So many (like this one..hahahaha,), internet, emails, phone calls, sudden meetings, people, other activities, etc etc.,

But here's a formula that I guess will work.
A. Goal Setting
B. Focus
C. Execution
D. Monitor progress and persevere
E. If everything falls into place, celebrate

I will just continue this once I have enough time....... :)

Looking good

TO INFINITY AND BEYOND (MACHO)!!!
Santa Baby
Mickey the Mouse
Our friend Donald
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It's January 9, 2006! I'm more excited this year than I was last year. Maybe I'm readier and I've settled already. BUT, I had a great 2005. Spending it with Josephine for the first time, living in a condo with all its packages, being able to travel locally and outside the country, being able to see Santa Claus, Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck, the beautiful cities of Singapore, Hongkong and Macau, attended so many weddings, established many friendships etc etc.,

And of course our angel, Joshua... who is in heaven now..we will never forget you my dear child. You will still be our best present this year, for your short presence made us realized how God loves us. With you, it removed all our doubts about Him. One day we will be re-united and I would give you one big hug. Please pray for us that we may have another child who will join us here on earth.


Now it is 2006. This year it holds a lot of promises. So many indeed but one thing should be established that God should be and still be the center of everything.Nothing makes sense without Him on our side.

I can see that there will be more travelling this year. But yes, there are corresponding reponsibilities attached to it. Challenges. I will take it.

It is interesting that for the first time in my job as an International Roaming Coordinator, we will be having our own revenue target (previously, it was solely just with our marketing dept). PHP300 million for me! Again, I accept it.

Something in March. Yup. But I will not dwell on it. All I can say is that I am ready.

Then there's living with my in laws. I am starting to love it even if there are days that I swear I wanted out of that place (God said that I remain faithful to His words. Thank God). But the positive experiences outweigh the negative ones so we are just doing fine.

I hope we will be able to apply for my visa, finish our wedding album, buy a new bed, lessen our liabilities, be more involved in BLD and meet new friends.

Today, I felt sick and actually I am concerned with my health. I don't want to be a regular visitor of the clinic. I hope I won't need them this year!!! The whole I was drowsy, sneezing and with colds. I forgot that these are allergic reactions and it was too late..... too late for my work.. hahahaha.. I really can't concentrate for almost the whole day until I had claritin.

I hope to be more productive tomorrow and for the rest of the week.

My busy Barong

What a week it was. Josephine and I attended three (3) beautiful weddings, I attended a two day seminar, we took care of our laundry and attended a family affair all in one week. Whew!!!

EVENT 1: December 4, 2005 (Sunday) - Manuel and Wendy's wedding in Tagaytay

Though a day before that, my wife and I celebrated our one year anniversary there in the beautifil city of Tagaytay. It was like a retreat of sort. Away from everybody. We had lunch at Antonio's (care of of my colleague who took care of the reservation and paid for our lunch. it was their wedding gift. What a lovely treat!) After lunch we headed toward Sonya's garden. Where we spent one wonderful night.

Ok back to the wedding. We arrived on time so we were able to choose where we could park and where to sit. The benefit of being early. Not only in the church but also in going to the reception.

Two thumbs up! Seeing people getting married and happily is a breathtaking experience. I mean, there are so many reasons why not to get married officially. So to see people spending time and money for an event that would last just for a day is something else. Though, it is not the wedding ceremony that is important but the marriage. Looks like Manuel and Wendy are perfect for each other.

Driving at first was not that easy since I was not that familiar with the road but the traffic going home was light.

EVENT 2. December 6, 2005 (Ronald and Gayle's Wedding)

Alright, for the second time we arrived at the Shrine of Jesus earlier than most of the guests. We had to because Josephine was the lector. It wouldn't be nice to the couple if she was late. Anyway, she was there and had enough time to review the missalet.

Gayle sang a song for Ronald. (Manuel sang his marriage vow to Wendy). Well, I didn't have guts to do it during our wedding last year. :). The food was great of course and Diamond hotel was cleaner compared to another friend's wedding early this year.

EVENT 3 and 4: Attended Leadership Training (Based on John Maxwell's principles).

The training was something I didn't expect. Since I was really tired I thought I will just fall asleep. You know, boring sessions, participants and facilitator would really be a deadly combination. But the training was far from being boring. Not that the topics were something knew but the facilitators did a great job in making sure that we absorb the topics, noone will doze off and everyone will participate. The participants too were not just spectators but all of us did our share.

Another thing that was great about it was that our group won. I was their leader and they trusted me. I felt like a first honor student also. :)

Event 5. Arland and Tina's nuptials

This was a very stressful event for me because of the traffic and all hoopla that surrounded this wedding. Of course, I am very very happy to see our long time friends getting married. After ten years of ups and downs they finally settled down and hopefully toward a single direction. Together. They originally planned their wedding last year but because of the moon, it was moved this year. Anyway, I prepared a speech for the couple but Jopay gave a powerful and touching wish for Arland and Tina I decided not to say anything more. I was forced also to be a cost which I regretted after the wedding. I felt so embrassed because I mispronounced a word that made everybody laugh at me. Whoa. What an experience really. There was nothing I could do then but pretend that I was ok though deep inside I felt so small. It was a nightmare came true. I hate it. Filipinos can be so cruel when someone commits a mistake especially in grammar. I've learned my lesson. I will conscisously not forget it for me to respect those who speak in front.

By the way, I used my barong three (3) times because I couldn't do anything. Job well done. Now, it is time for my barong to get a relaxing day at a laundry shop.

Images of our Journey Part II

The gate we passed through and made us forget for few magical days what's outside. The moment was spent and focused on what we have at that time. Just the two of us. In love and lost to each other. The feelings, born out of this journey is still alive until now. Love nourished and grew.

Lying on the bed with no worries nor a sense of time. Totally fixated to the small things I sometimes ignore during unforgiving days. I saw what I have neglected and changing it would help me to be more mature.

I found rest in this tiny place. A sanctuary to people and/or couple who are caught daily by the demands of this world. A never ending race. Where to go? Sometimes we don't know anymore. Sometimes we run for our passion to go up and conquer a mountain. But for today, we stopped the world from spinning.

Refresh our body and mind with your water. Cleanse the thick calluses that we got from the many battles we needed to fight. A fight which we will face when we go back to our world.

Come to me who are tired. Climb and reach out for the door. It will be opened and in there you will find peace. Sit or lay down. Read a good book. Relfect. No one will disturb your silence....

Images of a great weekend part I

This isn't the door of the room we got. But still lovely (I believe this is where Aldo and Pia stayed..: ). Yup, this is a big room indeed. Ours just have four (4) beds but this place..whoa, you can hide and seek from each other.. or run freely. Once inside, you will feel as if there are just two people in the world and how simple life can be.

A pot of flower flowing. Flowers of different variety and specie greet us lovingly anywhere we go

The table in front became ours for two days. That's our designated place to eat.

A day to remember

(December 1, 2004)
When it all started.............
She caught me in a tight embrace
Me, like a kid seeking attention from someone
Wanting so much to be acknowledged
One big embrace changed it all

What happened afterwards............
She became a very good friend
My constant companion eversince
Someone who helped me see what it is like to be me
To be just who I am

What can I say...........
Thank you my dear Josephine
For the love that have uplifted me for so many years
A love that keeps on growing
I am so loved because of you

How do I feel..............
But pure happiness whenever we are together
Sadness left me when you came into my life
The world and all its turmoil and chaos stop
Whenever you are in my arms

Whenever we are far away..........
You are still in my heart
Distance has nothing to d0 with our love
I think of you and feel that warmth of being loved
I long to see you in which anticipation defies time and space

What's in a simple day.....
Each day allows me to know you more and more
How beautifully made you are
How blessed I am to listen to your stories
To learn from you and end my day beside you

What about the future........
Holding hands, laughter all around
I am but happy to grow old with you
Our white hairs, wrinkled faces, weak knees
What a happy life it would be

What love is......
I love you Josephine and no other
I will remain faithful to you as God wants me to
I will cherish each day and keeping it close to my heart
I will acknowledge God's presence in our marriage
Upto the end, it will only be you

My Prayer

Lord, thank you so much for my wife Josephine. I prayed years and years for a lifetime companion and You first helped me realize that it could only be You. You've sent Josephine into my life so we could walk together and be with you one day. As we travel, we will allow others to join us through You.

I am continuously amaze by Your works Lord especially in our married life. In my mind, in my heart I can see and feel You Lord. Being our Lord and Father helping us nourish this gift. Here we Lord, completely adoring You. Completely trusting You.

Above all. You are our Lord and King. In you, we offer this simple life. We allow You Lord to mold us to become true Christian couple. That Your light may shine upon us that we may be worthy to lead other couple into Your loving arms. Use us Lord as You please.

Thank you Lord for I have seen and became part of a great plan. You lead us into marriage. From day one until this day Father, You are present. We have experienced so much joys and great trials. Yet, You never changed. You din't blink an eye. You show us the way.

Teach me Lord to be more God fearing husband to my wife. That in misunderstanding, I would learn to be man enough to listen to my wife instead of pursuing my own. Humble me whenever I commit any wrondoings. Teach me to say I'm sorry. Lord, as the days go by let me not forget the commitment I gave to my wife on our wedding. Teach me more to remain faithful and pure to her. I am but still a beginner in this new life.

Let me be always gentle to her and take good care of her as I should. Seeking more to serve her rather than be served. Create days for us Lord that would silence our hearts and draw us near to You. In all Father, I pray that I may be a Man of God to her.

Amen

zzzzzz

Living without God id not living at all. Last night, I felt the presence of God through the prayer meeting and I felt at peace again. I am not saying that I'm having problem or something but i can distinctly feel the difference before and after the prayer meeting. Bottom line, there was peace.

Josephine and I are now following a different routine. A new one! We now go to office together and go home together. I wake up at 6:00 am then I wake her up at 6:30am we leave our house at 7:00m. I drive while Josephine may either go back to wonderland or talk to me. Either way, I have no problem. When there is still enough time, we sleep inside the car for awhile then go to office 15min before my time.

Anyway, so far we are doing just fine. --------------(i'm not motivated to write further. maybe later. ) Sign off.

Traveller

I came back from a week long business trip in Cebu. What did I get out of it? Maybe 10lbs!!! I can feel it. I feel my back will curve forward because of the weight it needs to support. I can feel my face so round and chubby. Arrrggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. It is so difficult to lose wait. I have done it before and I guess I have to start all over again. This is like playing snakes and ladders. I was almost there at the end of it all. My destined weight! But one week of eating good food from breakfast to lunch to dinner plus the snacks made me slide down back to numero 1.

I don't like it. I will trim down again to an acceptable level. I'm sure it will be difficult because of Christmas season festivities. Parties, Reunions, Weddings etc etc.., How on earth will be able to stay away from good food. Ok, the key is to eat just enough. Just a little of everyting. But that got me into trouble. A little of this. A little of that. I end up eating a big portion. huhuhuhuhu....

I must control my food intake especially during dinner. Eat less Mr. Agustin! Eat less...

Here's the list of where I have been. I have to remember these things.
Local and International
1991 : HongKong
1992 and 1993 :USA - Houston, Texas; New Jersey; New York; Atlantic City; Philadelhia; Buffalo, New York; Virginia; Pensylvania
2002: Puerto Azul
2003: Brussels and Antwerp Belgium; A little of France ; Puerto Gallera; Sagada Mt.Province
2004: Dos Palmas, Palawan; Boracay
2005: Bagiuo; Bohol; Cebu; Macau; HongKong; Singapore

I do like traveling in spite of the fact that I really hate flying. I feel so helpless inside a plane when it is above the clouds already. Especially when there is turbulence. That's one of my fears! Being helplessly inside "something". Elevators or the thought of being buried alive. And yes in real life I don't a situation when I feel trap. Enough of this.


I always believe Agustin's are destined to travel the world and see places and people. I wasn't able to escape it. My brother didn't. All of us had its share of travelling. Going to other countries is good. One will be able to see what is really happening in the different parts of the world. Yeah, one can always suggest that our country is the best and I will not argue with that. Philippines can boast so much to the world. It is just Manila and our dear government would make me think twice about staying forever. Though, I still don't have nothing against it. Maybe my thought of traveling (internationally) is beyond political or economical reasons. It is so nice to see not just places where once upon a time were just being shared to me by others or have seen in book or movies but actually to interact with other people listen to them, observe them and learn from them. I sure realized a thing or two and whenever I am in a different country I've learned to respect their ideas, values cultures and everything that would differentiate my mindset from them. Totally new. I do not need also to conform anything but I've learned to be open. Wow.

Until tomorrow.

Unsolicited Displaced empathy for a friend

A sad ending isn't what I intended
But I decided to stay behind
Later, I will have enough strength to move on

I know it will be without you
I understand too that I might not be remembered
Gone. But you will never be forgotten

We've had our days of laughter and woes
Years fortified our friendship with respect, honesty and love
I didn't get it but I am now overwhelmed by my feelings

I have to let you go and see my self as a whole being again
Someday I will. When I look in the mirror
I will be made a complete person but not now

You leaving left a big space in my heart
I never realized at first but it is there
Silence. I can just hear my heart fading away

Drifting away, leaves falling on the ground
Winds blow away the remaining life in me
Clouds come and go and I can just look

Maybe when our eyes meet once more
Maybe when I let you go, you will turn around and see me
Maybe the days will let me
But the cruelty of truth, I can only be with you in my past

Here and there filled with memories of you
I don't know where else can I go. Where to start.
How could you? or Why did I?

Answer will not come anymore
And now that you are gone
I have to say goodbye, my friend

2006, here we come!!!

With just a little two months to go, we will enter a new era. A beginning of something. That's for me who sees a beautiful future for all of us. God is with us. Yesterday, He was there alright with all the testimonies I've heard from so many renewed people and from my own simple persocal experience with Jesus. He is here right now. Otherwise, we wouldn't feel comfortable with the decisions we've made. Be it a major one or just plainly cute decisions. I feel at peace knowing that God helped me arrived to these decisions. He will be in our future. This is my faith. This is what I believe in. This is my hope. So, mix it up put some prayers and love and then there you go. A beautiful wonderful future with God.

His plans will never fail. I remember how I struggle in my career. Where I am now is not the product of how I worked, my so-so academics, how I relate to people or boss. All this I can attribute to God alone. I was a banker for my first six month as a tax contributor then I came back to La Salle and entered the world of academic community. Nope, I didn't teach but was involved more in the formation of student leaders. I admit I wasn't that mature yet as I crawled on my feet during those times. I had so many personal issues. My family was the heaviest then my ex-gf, finances, career and just when everything was clouded, I wasn't able to renew my contract.... Tough luck. I knew that God was telling me something and before I can hear Him clearly, He wanted me to sort some things in my life. Whew, I survived! After my DLSU stint I was without a job for eight long months. Really, God clipped my wings and grounded me. Then I became an insurance agent then account manager of a radio station. I was moving so fast from one job to another that other people started noticing it. I was scared of my future as people older than me gave me a bleak picture. They made their own canvass out of their imagination and painted my future. I don't blame them they can't understand what I was doing then.

I will share to you a secret. I really didn't know. BUT I never dared to change job without prayers. God guided me and He was the one who lead me to these jobs whether I liked it or not. I'm telling you because of these jobs I had I was able to meet good people along the way. These are my angels!Anates became my client in Ayala Gen who pirated me. Then I met Homer (he was also the one who told me that SMART will be my bread and butter) in RJ who lead me to I-Quest where I met my now Ninang Tina and Michael Di Cicco. Was it my decision to pursue an advertising job? Nope. I was traumatized! But as I have said I met good people who looked after me. Treating me as their own and not as an officemate (Bing, June, Victoria..etc).

In I-Quest I was entrusted with big responsibilities and helped me gain my lost confidence. I moved there not without a prayer. So I followed God without knowing anything about the internet. My life then started to change. I felt at home and received the guidance I've been looking for. Tina, Dana, Bolo,Rica and my friends created a learning, peaceful environment to me. Eventually, my experience here became a key for me to be accepted in SMART.

I love my job. I know I can do more. In spite of the things that had happened, I continue loving it. My boundaries have opened wide. Literally. The Agustins are really travelling people and created to roam the world. If I go back to my lolo's, cousins, aunties, uncles and my father, they all travelled.

God is not even finish yet. I am looking forward to new tomorrow. Why? God is still there!

Not my usual Monday

My muscles are aching until now after participating in a badminton tournament. Our score is 1-1. Not bad but definitely not safe. Actually, our standing will also be determined by our Team's performance. If the other members win then it would be good. Opposite is true if some do not win games. For my personal goal, I just wish that we win the last three (3) games. I don't think it is all too impossible. We just need a good strategy in order for us to control the game. Like what we did in the first game.

Sometimes I know I an obssesive-compulsive person (OC) but not consistently. There are just moments when I can't stand disorder and even if I am so tired I have this strong desire to clean up the source of my discomfort. Cluttered places, dirty comfort room, messy cabinets.. etc., I know it is just normal to clean but sometimes I am overwhelmed by this feeling that despite being tired I still exert all my remaining energy to clean. Why? I want to sleep soundly. Because at times, I can still see the messy places inside my head. Aaaaaaaarrgghhhhhhhhhh........... and I end up being restless at night. especially dirty comfort rooms....

Anyway, that's what my wife and I are doing for the past days. Since we really do not have enough time, we just clean little by little. (hhmmmmmm.. this is a "little bit" acceptable to me.) Though, I can assure you, the things I need to clean are always inside my mind. Our room is 70% clean. The comfort room is just maybe 35%. That's a source of stress to me. Tonight, I will scrub some more. scrub scrub scrub scrub.... Believe it or not, I find fulfillment whenever I finish something. Someday, when we have a house of our own we will make sure that our guests will see that we are tidy and orderly people by just merely looking around. You really do not know the impression you create when you invite people to your place. They won't tell you but definitely they will share it to others...hahahahahaha.

We don't have cable subscription yet. So far, it is just fine but eventually we will need to have one. When we notice that we can not relate to any of our friends anymore in regards to what they are watching. We have limited channels so we can probably spend some days watching korean drama, showbiz talk shows, local news, pba, or anything that gma 7 and abs cbn can offer. Though, we can also just watch dvds or listen to music.

Finally, I have a lap top mouse. My hands are still adjusting since I am not used to having one anymore. Just a simple mouse.

I ended up sleeping and watching tv yesterday. But the bulk of my time was really spent sleeping. Josephine and I stayed at her sister place where we recupirated from a very hectic week (or months even). Well, we need a rest since we still have busy schedules until December. Busy but happy. We will keep our selves busy because an idle mind is the devil's playground. Scary!!! We were supposed to be fishing yesterday but it was cancelled which I will not explain here anymore. Sayang talaga!!

This week's schedule:Monday, work and prayer meeting. Tuesday, work and Badminton. Wednesday, work only. Thursday, work only so far. Friday, work only so far. Saturday, badminton the whole day. Sunday, mass, rest, cleaning time and prepare for my trip the following day. Ooops, I also must check in my car for some repairs.

Ok. I have to end this and attend a very long meeting with new topics.

BITIN

In spite of my busy schedule, I somehow appreciate life better than when I was just like floating around. Time of resting is over but time of pursuing is at hand. Within me I know I can achieve great things. That, I am a fighter, a warrior. There is no turning back or freezing time. No time to be fear anything at all. Be courageous and be bold of my plans. I declare this period as winning time!

A different day

It was exactly last year when I first stayed at our first home. A month after Josephine and I got married. Now, Alpha S 1011 will officially be part of our past. We definitely enjoyed staying in this place as we entertained our families and friends. We shared this home to people who are close to us. I think we never missed a week without visitors and our last one was our family, my in-laws. We learned the how-to-entertain-guest from our Ninang Tina. They were great hosts when we visited them in HK.

I know that our friends also enjoyed their visit in our place. We played Taboo (I experienced shortness of breath because of laughing so hard). We watched Friends (which I missed when I was in college). Or we spent the night eating. It was convenient also for us that our office is just a few blocks away from Alpha S and I never had to contend with traffic, rising gas prices or looking for cheaper parking.

But, we have to move on. If you ask us, we want to stay in Alpha S or just move to a cheaper unit but just Alpha 1 and Alpha 2. In one of the prayer meetings we attended, God re-affirmed to me (us) His undying love. His commitment. He asked us to obey Him. God revealed that we go and be with our family even if we don't know what it would mean to us. Definitely, it is good. After hearing it, my struggles faded and died. I felt at peace and empowered. Yeah, we have valid concerns and some petty issues. These don't matter anymore. We prayed and God gave us the answers. The answers might not be good music to our ears and against our personal plans but His voice changed everything. I will follow God and won't delay it. When I said yes to God, I said it sincerely. Not because of anything but because of God alone.

So, I am looking forward to our second chapter. Chapter 1 has ended will all its comedy, drama and suspense and chapter 2 promises more. God is the author and I am certain that it will be a hit, a best seller...New York Times... Chicago Tribune.. or what have you.

I will be busy this November which I am sure is part of the package. Worrying about our transfer then shouldn't be entertained anymore because we have other responsibilites that needed our attention. We followed Christ and so looking back and hanging on will not be part of our system anymore.

Tomorrow, will be a different day!

and then there's Order

Finally I can breathe. Just for a while then I will have to throw myself back inside the war zone. Whew! What a life I have now. Work is running on fifth gear. Family is on fourth. Community life is just cruising as well as with friends...

Praise God! Last Sunday mass, He instructed me very well. To make sure that I won't focus too much on what's happening in my work. I can exhaust my energy but my heart and soul shouldn't be compromised. I was afraid then that I might forget Him in the process and so I asked for His constant presence especially these days.

My boss' anger because of our group's performance was heard in all corners of the world. Yeah, I was intimidated. But again, I prayed for God's presence. I agree that I must hear my boss' sentiments and everything. No problem with that but I must keep my composure and be professional and objective. By the way, my boss was talking to the whole group not just me though I heard my name several times. I can't defend myself at that time. First, we were in front of the whole team and it wasn't wise for me to go against a mighty wind and in the process it would look like him vs me. I might just cause a bigger problem from myself. If the boss is angry, let him be. It is pure emotion and any rationalization won't be considered. Second, there was really no excuse on my part and I might also just embarass myself. He is a lawyer. So I kept quiet and just prayed.

Miracle 1. After a few minutes, he calmed down and explained that he was talking like that because of what happened and not because of the people (pooofff!!: ) ). Second, we shouldn't feel intimidated! (Im sure his angel whisphered something to him).

Miracle 2. I was redeemed by my former boss!!! Ha! Without me saying something, the truth came out. Handling our own group wasn't easy. Like before there was just the two of us and it was really chaos. In spite of that, I struggled to perform my function and even beyond to make sure that we address our 300 plus telco partners plus customer complaints, plus internal requirements. I also got angry because it seemed to our boss that I wasn't doing anything.
Anyway, praise God. God was the one who made the move. Can you imagine there are now like 7 of us in the team right and there are still a lot of things to do. So just imagine the tons of work I had to cope with before.

I am happy that something is happening in our group. At least there's focus now and there's leadership.

Time's out. I have to wear another hat (a helmet) and go back.

About Power

Friday night
9:00pm :We went home to Marikina for our laundry
I was surprised that my brother and sister were out that late. Usually, both of them are home sleeping. It was a tempory proble. My cousin let us in.

11:00pm : Attended birthday party of Josephine's officemate.
I can't remember the last time I went to a bar here in Manila. Maybe, it's really because of age as I am not really open to going to bars anymore. Though, we still managed to have fun. We left at 1:30am

Saturday
10:00 am: Watched Little Mermaid
3:30 pm: Played badminton with friends while Josephine spent her entire afternoon in MegaMall to shop.
8:00 pm Went to Marikina to get our clothes

Sunday
11:00 am : Sunday Mass
12:00 noon : Mom's bday celebration
4:00pm : Che's wedding
9:00pm Finally, our weekend rest....: )
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God made sure that I had a full schedule last weekend. He distracted me the whole time and made sure that what I was feeling last Friday will be flushed out of my system. He was like a doctor prescribing medicine to heal me. Actually, it was more of a precautionary tactic.

At the end, I was assured of God's love for me. That's all that matter to me. He made me realize what it meant to be attached to anything and how it could take over my being. Attachment in three earthly things...Power,wealth and fame. God did show to me how dangerous it would be if I rely on any of this. I felt it. Maybe it was like how Frodo felt (and all the middle earth being) about the ring that rules all. When it grabs you, it will control you and lead you to dark places where you never want your self to be. I am not saying here that we should avoid power at all costs. We all need to be aware of the responsibilities and be mindful to what it can do. Power is like a wild horse that need to be tamed. Otherwise, it could really consume you and it might be too late to handle it.

To keep you grounded, we simply have to pray and ask for guidance and be humble at all times. Whenever we feel the controlling effect of power, we must learn how to bow down on our knees to acknowledge how helpless we are. God is all powerful and we must all base our strength from Him alone.

Simple Answer.Give.

There is so much to write here but time and energy have left me. I am so stressed. Goodness! I love it though....

An opportunity to give. That's a shift in paradigm. Giving not because the person is in need nor is it because it is an obligation. This is giving for a wrong reason. I tend to count what I have before I do so. Sometimes I am able to give more than what I have but really not willingly. There's that feeling of hopelessness and fear of what will still be left for me. I give but I admit that I am angry sometimes of why we have to when in fact we have our own problems to settle.

Look at this line of thought. Valid and yet it wasn't the message I received from God. He really knew what was going on inside my limited mind. A limited generosity. He knew my concerns and as I've mentioned. They are indeed valid and justified. God didn't get angry with me because He sees my concerns and fears. All the time His message is that He is just there so I do not need to worry too much. The other night, His message was clear. I should give openly and with abandonment because of Him alone. I will give the sampaguita girl/boy some money not because of pity, not because I want the child to get out of my sight, not because of poverty, but because Jesus says so.

Why I should give? Because Jesus says so. Simple answer to so many complicated issues I have now. Giving is not always in physical form but it could be in emotional and spiritual forms. Jesus in my mind. Always.

From here there on I think and just like how it was with my previous decisions in life, I will follow Jesus. With my imperfect attitude, I will allow God to be at the forefront of the battle again. He is my captain and I know that He knows what is best for us. Amen to that!

Just let go...

An ex colleague's father died
An ex colleague died
A friend's father died
A grand father died
A grand mother died
A new friend will leave the country very soon
A good friend will leave the country this weekend
I just said good bye to a friend in Singapore

There's just too much good byes lately. Every month some one is dying and some are leaving the country. Yesterday, it was too much for me to handle. I was about to burst into tears so I just stood up and walked around just to distract my self and control the overwhelming emotion buidling up. Whew. That was really something.

Yeah, I have a problem with people leaving. It really doesn't matter whatever kind of friendship established. It would still affect me but in different degrees. I respect myself and I acknowledge that I am just being me.



Too much is happening in our work too. For the first time in my Roaming life, there would be a drastic change and I am happy that hopefully this change will help us and challange us to succeed. There will be a clear direction as to what we should do and what should we target.

I have hundreds of emails left unread. This is one thing I hate whenever I am not in the office. I have to return knowing that I will be greeted wiht numerous emails. Some very important and urgent (which I need to sort and this would take time), some are important and no need for immdeiate attention, some are forwarded messages which usually end up at my trash bin, some are personal emails from friends (it depends if Im in the mood or not), some are corporate information (if it has nothing to do with bonus... i delete it immediately..hehehehe).

My Observations

Wisdom. If voices can be heard just about everywhere and there's no room for one more then be quiet. Let them create their own noise. Who cares if they can't hear one another anymore for they've chosen to push their own self serving intention. Let them go ahead and exhaust their energies. Wasted. On your part, listen and listen intently not only to the things they are saying but most especially the ones they are trying to hide from others including you. For sure, their body languages will say something about it. Their eyes, how they move their hands, how they stand sit etc., Then take note of these small infomation and later on you will be amazed on how much information you have or how silly their intentions are.

Strategy. If your position depends so much on the one speaking the more you must learn to listen. There's art in this thing. Fight your own battle aggressively if it is time to do so but be like a lion who patiently wait for its prey to drop its guard. Then strike when the defense is open and when you are really ready to fight the war.

Peace. If can be avoided never start a war or create a guarded environment. No peace. A 24/7 defensive mood will for sure affect you emtionally, physically and spiritaully. It would be draining. Instead strive to create a harmonious relationship with everybody without compromising your own set of values.

Maintaining Peace. Never burn bridges and find yourself isolated. With over 8billion people all over the world, I think it is pretty obvious that we are never meant to be alone. Repair and create bridges and let others freely come and go to your bridge. If there's conflict and tension, resolve it while you can. The best way to do this is to invite the parties involved to a dinner. Never mention anything serious until all of you have eaten. It is better to talk to others knowing that they have a full stomach.

Politics. Stay out of it as much as you could. This always requires loyalty to people and most of the times not to the principles involve. Be loyal to the company, to the government, to your family but not to any individual. As I've mentioned your values must come in first. On top of everything. Nothing and noone should control it. Even politics. If you are the leader, get support not for you but for what you are fighting for. What ever it is, make it clear to your subordinates and never take it personally if yours don't jive with them. I'm sure you will be respected for this.

Faith. First, faith in God. We are just a tiny speck in this universe. That's confirmed unless you haven't watched Discovery Channel ever in your life. There are billions of things that we have no control of. Whether we will like it or not somethings are just bound to happen. From the simplest things to the complicated ones. Have faith to someone powerful who knows you by name. He is the one who created the universe and has control over it. Second, faith in your self. Common.... God is with you so why fear something. You alone can really influence your self. Believe that what ever you have in your hands right now whether good or perceived as problems deal with it. Thirdly. Faith in others ( and I don't have to go into this).