Returning and catching up

YES! I AM BACK. So many things happened while I was away to me and to the whole world, literally. whew... i haven't had time to breathe normally or maybe this is reality which will stick to me in years to come. Tsunami..... i will no longer discuss it but at the same time I won't close my eyes or turn away from this grim reality.

I am telling you. so many have changed. Look, I am wearing a wedding ring. From now on I will wear this ring until.....forever! Nine months from now another change will come. I will be a father! Great, isn't it? what a blessing. what a wonderful way of starting a year (except of course the Tsunami incident). On Monday, something might surprise me regarding my career. Who knows...

It is nice to be back but I won't let my happiness make be blind from the sorrows of other people. I won't and I choose to. I will not be able to really feel what they are feeling right now. But even a pinch of sadness I am willing to feel for them only to help unload some of the heavy burden they have now. Especially the children. I am one with my brothers and sisters in these places.

NOVEMBER 4, 2004. So many things have happened the past couple of weeks and I rarely had time to update my blog. For one, it is another four year term for Mr. Bush. Expect the war on terror campaign to nudge another level. A more aggresive campaign and I don't think the Americans will ever leave IRAQ as long as Mr. Bush is the Head of the most powerful state in the world. Especially now that he feels/thinks that he has the support of his fellowmen. Four years of war. I hope it won't escalate. Spare us Mr. Bush.

WHERE WILL I BE FOUR YEARS FROM NOW? hmmmmm... i don't want to think about it yet. I have so many concerns and pressing matters that to add another, unnecessary thought and push my brain to the limit is like suicide. I'm like a rally car right now. Going through rough terrain. Off road, muddy tracks, brakes and brakes but forging on to my goal. I hope I will reach the end still in one piece. I am sure I will.

Another busy Monday

BUSY AS EVER. It's non-stop. There are just too many thing to do this day (just like last week). I like it though. The only disturbing ingredient of this unsual activities is the fact that.......never mind. Life is really like that after all. Eversince! Aside from my work, we are also very busy with our wedding preparation as we are reaching peak of it plus I have to consider my car and where we will stay after we get married. My mind is processing so many different information all at the same time and honestly I find it better than having nothing to do.

SINGLES NIGHT. Don't get me wrong. I still want to attend the prayer meeting every Monday and maybe soon I will be able to attend the corporate worship. Two weeks ago, God gave His assurance as He affirms His blessings. Last week, it was reminding me about being faithful and living a prayerful life. What will it be tonight? Goodthing I was able to go to confession yesterday. Not my intention to do so. It was pure grace! I hope to hear God's word for me and tomorrow I will try to share it. I'm sure there is.

I woke at about six o clock am. Too lazy to stand but what a beautiful morning. Outside I see snowflakes and it is really starting to get cold. My wife as usual is still in wonderland looking for the rabit and she has no time to wake up. Let her be. Alright, Mr. Agustin it is time to stretch those muscles. Up, up up up...........what would I like to have for breakfast this fine Saturday morning? Coffee of course!! Brewed that is. I will surprise my wife with pan cakes with strawberry jam. I must eat something first before I drink my coffee and prepare the pan cakes. I will settle for these cookies we bought the other week.

Look at that. It is November and the leaves of the trees are starting to fall. Orange leaves. This is such a lovely place. Our first month in US and I am enjoying every minute of it. Last week, we went to this park and there were so many people. Smiling, laughing, whispering, reading newspaper, chattering, walking with their dogs. While we were just observing and cherishing each other presence. This is what we wanted and it feels so good that we are here. Oooops, my coffee is calling me now. For sure my beautiful wife will smell this and wake her up. She hates the smell of coffee. Where are we going today aside from the mall? I want to do a project. What will it be? I'm sure she will be excited by this. There she is now. I told you she will be complaining about this coffee. : )
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Thirteen Minutes

I need a change here in my work. However, I will wait upon the Lord to tell me what to do. I am starting to get depress day by day. What's keeping me sane is our wedding and my community life. I will not be afraid the Lord is beside me and I trust His plans for me. I know He has. He's not yet finished. Counting your blessings everyday will help fight depression. Not just the big ones but you have to see the small ones which occur everyday. Like for example, that freak accident I had. The blessing is that I have a friend doctor who gave me a free anti tetanus shot. See. I had a problem with the battery of my car. It's been like that since late last week but nothing serious happened to me, no accident or just stopping somewhere in the wee hours of the morning. Praise God. My brother is very good with cars so he took time to check my car. What else? Being able to attend the prayer meeting and seeing my friends last night. That's a blessing, isn't it? Work is just a tiny part of my life and I will not allow myself to be so affected by what is happening. God, let me see your plans for me with my work. Please. : )

I got to go.

God's voice

I stepped on a pin. A freak accident but could have been prevented. Who would use a chair as a pin cushion? Who on earth would be able to see that pin. Careless!!

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"I will bless you. The things you are asking for and for those you've hidden from me. I will bless them,Marvin"

That hit me straight in my heart. Not that I do not want God to bless me but recently I felt that I've been asking too much from Him that I always find myself asking from Him. I was shocked to hear from Him during last week single's night. But I did ask for it. I mean I wondering that night what would be God's message for me that night. I seldom have that thought so I knew He will tell me something. I was happy to hear from Him especially in moments like this. It was good to hear an affirmation from God that He will bless my plans. That our wedding plans are in good hands. What a lovely thought, isn't it? It was like a fresh air that I inhaled that night. It was like I was standing at that moment on a beach sand while the gentle morning breeze touches my face. Very peaceful. How could I explain the feeling I had when I heard God telling me that He will bless also the plans I am afraid to tell Him. That would be the condo unit Josephine and I eyed and fell in love with the first we saw it. I got sad though when I found out the owner had other potential tenants who actually inquired ahead of us. I was sad and I think the saddest part of it was not being able to share it with God because in the first place I didn't ask His guidance. Then that night changed everything, He just affirmed me that everything will turn out fine. Several days after that, my friend told me that they chose us. Blessed be God.

Got to go.

Short

IM SICK AGAIN FOR THE Nth TIME. This is a sickly year for me. It is not the wedding preparation but really the stress in going home late at night and having to wake up early the following day. Having to drive from Makati to Paranaque then to Marikina. Too tiring and stressful. Just imagine, having to sleep for just four hours a day. Crazy man. I have to go back and take my vitamins and let me see how it would help. But definitely, by December everything will change. I truly hope so. Amen!

COUNTDOWN. Less than two months to go and I will have a new life. : ). I could count in weeks and it is so near. It is very near. I can smell it. I can feel it. *sigh* Just a little more patience. I know there are still a lot of things to do. Like the invitations. We still have to produce one. The clothes, giveaways, church requirements, etc etc., all of these will eventually be finished. It will be over and a new life will spring forth.

Short

IM SICK AGAIN FOR THE Nth TIME. This is a sickly year for me. It is not the wedding preparation but really the stress in going home late at night and having to wake up early the following day. Having to drive from Makati to Paranaque then to Marikina. Too tiring and stressful. Just imagine, having to sleep for just four hours a day. Crazy man. I have to go back and take my vitamins and let me see how it would help. But definitely, by December everything will change. I truly hope so. Amen!

COUNTDOWN. Less than two months to go and I will have a new life. : ). I could count in weeks and it is so near. It is very near. I can smell it. I can feel it. *sigh* Just a little more patience. I know there are still a lot of things to do. Like the invitations. We still have to produce one. The clothes, giveaways, church requirements, etc etc., all of these will eventually be finished. It will be over and a new life will spring forth.

UAAP

DLSU IS THE 2004 UAAP CHAMPION. It was a great finish and a what a ball game to end the final. Neither team dominated the game from start to finish. Imagine at end of each quarter, the score was always even steven. FEU almost nailed it if not for the three point shot of JV Casio. As if the game was scripted and the ending was the most dramatic. That magical shot made JV a certified veteran. He will use and need it next season. FEU had the chance also to win back the lead during the dying seconds. Not once but two opportunities were given to them. Not just to any player also but to their greatest players. Mytical member D.Miranda missed an uncontested simple back the board shot. choked. Then the best rebounding, defensive player of the year, mythical member and the MVP of UAAP 2004 missed a put back shot which he always made but that moment he too succumbed to the pressure or plainly the luck wasn't on his side. The final score was made by MAC Cardona who was denied of the MVP award (though, A.Santos was really more deserving). Two free throws which he sunk cooly. Because of his resurrection in the second hlaf of the season and his consistent play in the finals , MAC was named MVP Finals. Also, F.Pumaren finally pocketed the Coach of the Year award after leading the Archers to six out of seven finals appearance and winning five championship trophies! He truly deserves to be the COY. That could be the last hurrah for F.Pumaren. Though, many in the sport's world who announced retirement would often come back fo r another shot. Franz maybe you just need a one year break then I am sure your passion for basketball will once again call you. Thank you Mr. Pumaren for showing us how to stay focused and how to win games and be crowned at the end. The feeling was great after JV made the shot. We all knew that DLSU Archers will be the 2004 UAAP Champions.

Alright. End of UAAP season 67. See you next year...
..............................NBA season is just about to start... ; )

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My Mind Speaking

I say a lot even if my lips are tightly sealed
Everything I could think of, no boundaries
Just me and my thought
Freedom

Some thoughts are useful and inspiring
While others are totally garbage
Some thoughts see the future
While others linger and cherish the past

Talk to yourself from time to time
Call it crazy
Call it weird
Call it everything
It is still needed

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I don't know where that it going. Today is the last day of the month of September. Wow. Two months to go and it will be the biggest event of my life. I am tying the know with my Fiancee. Yahooo.Yes!!! I am not nervous nor worried about leaving my bachelor life. Actually, I want to leave it and start a new life. I'm done being single. I don't find joy nor any satisfaction anymore. Time to move on and I am blessed that it is about to happen.

Life is a cycle. I've already witnessed the different stages and even eperienced the early stages of life (obviously).

FIRST STAGE : Birth. FINAL STAGE : DEATH. That's about it. It's what you did between the two stages that will define your life. (As a Catholic, I do believe in life after death and our true destiny is to be with our Creator.) If my life span is around 70 years. then I only have less than 40 years to live. hmmmmm. not bad it is far but I'm already reaching half of my life. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.....
There is always a possibility that life could end abruptly. Sickness, accident or being victim of crimes. We have a short life here on earth, come to think of it. It is just right therefore to enjoy every minute you have. Because it would be a waste of time to indulge on things that wouldn't add value to your life.(my thought).

hey, i started something here that should be given proper concentration.... i don't have that now, so i will stop this. sorry.

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NEXT PLEASE. Tomorrow maybe

Not an ordinary day

The World is crying in pain and in surrender
Look around and you will see why
Wait, can you still see and feel it?

Can you see the children in the street
Begging for anything just to survive?
Sadly, it is happening everywhere

Wars, why can't they just stop
and make life more valuable than any principle or belief
Aren't we tired of fighting and for what?
Stop! even for one day

Are we afraid of peace so much that we set it aside?
Focusing more on development
But what about peace?
Why can't nation work together to attain it

I envision a day without fighting
Children smiling, playing freely
I see people holding hands
Creating bridges rather than burning one

There is hope. A better tomorrow for everyone to see
Love yourself. Love the person in side your own home.
Love your neighbor. Love the sick. Love the lonely
Love the poor and the needy.

Let's start walking hand in hand
Let's eat together as one family
Let's heal the world with this love
We all have it inside our heart

See it for yourself

Pure Joy

NO LONGER NEEDED. Two months from now, I will no longer need to sleep in my car in the morning or evening while waiting for Josephine. I mentioned this in my previous entry. I can't help it. I mean like this morning I had a two hours of sleep inside my car. It's color coding today so I had no choice but to go to the office early. Man. I went home at two in the morning. I realized that for so many years I have deprived myself of good, long quality sleep. This is about to change. Thank goodness. I will no longer need to drive since the condo is just about two blocks away from our office. No more need to experience the morning rush hour. Imagine if everyday I spend like three hours of driving which translates to twenty one hours a week or a good eighty four hours a month. Imagine that's also three and half days a month multiply by twelve that's a good forty two days of driving. Inefficient. Isn't it? You can do so much in forty two days. Wasted time. I can also give my car a deserving rest. I don't have to worry so much of driving home in the wee hours of the morning feeling so sleepy. Sometimes when I am driving the things around me aren't real. It's like I am dreaming. What else? I don't have to wait for Josephine. I can go home early and watch tv maybe. If she goes home very late then I just have to drive a very short distance. Wow! I also do not have wake up too early on weekends unless it is needed. My Josephine will be with me. so no more driving from Marikina to Paranaque which consume so much gasoline.

Nothing to say

NINE TWENTY FOUR AM. That's the exact time I arrived today. Better. Better. I left at around eight am and I already surrendered to the fact that I was going to be late again today. Miracle of miracles, I didn't. (Was I able to unplug my celfone charger? -oooohh mr. forgetful me. but i think i did.) There was really no heavy traffic except when i entered the central business district. important thing is that im on time and that's about it.

X MARKS ON MY CALENDAR. ok it wasn't my own idea. I saw my colleague doing it and it looked.....nothing. i just want to write something on my table calendar. If I didn't then it will be just thrown away at the end of the year as if it wasn't used at all. Then my calendar would have lead a boring life. A clean calendar isn't beautiful but if you put notes, signs and other codes then you've transformed it to something else. what am I discussing???? It helps to see how many days are left in a given month and how many days have passed and how many more days to go before our wedding. Only nine days left and September 2004 is over. that's what my calendar is telling me. When October comes....

BADMINTON FEVER. We did fine last night. I enjoyed the game. I don't have the slightest idea whether im stil improving or not. of course i did if i compare it on how i played last year but it seems i reached plateau. there is a change in my mental attitude. before it was just playing and i didn't care much whether i win or not. i just played the game. Today it is not, i want to win every game which means i have to focus and i have to help my partner but sometimes it does irritate me when my partner commits unforced error. it is a good exercise physically. it burns calories for sure and a lot cheaper than going to gimmicks every friday.

The same thing

TEN TWENTY FIVE AM. Here we go again. Another day. And Im already irritated and stressed! How I hate my Marikina. The traffic could kill you instantly what's more bothering is that the longer you stay in my Marikina the heavier the traffic would be in other locations. How I look forward to the day when I am free to leave my Marikina. Freedom! It is near! November 27 to be exact. Just the thought of it gives a certain high. That's how badly I want to leave my Marikina. Don't get me wrong. Marikina has changed and improved a lot. Cleaner, safer good roads(?) but but but but I've been living in Marikina for so long and maybe I am really bored with the community.

TWELVE TWELVE PM. Now is the time to eat. : )

ONE FIFTY EIGHT PM. Im back from a good lunch. Fair enough. The weather is quite crazy. Sunny, rainy and sunny again then it rains. What could I expect, it's still rainy season. I am keen on trasnfering but it must be somewhere I feel I would grow. Right now, right here I can't see anything in the coming future. Just the same thing every given day. I am again sleepy like yesterday. I hope it wouldn't be that bad just the feeling but I can still function normally. A few more hours and I will leave this crappy place. How could I improve my attitude? This predicament is negatively affecting me. I don't know how to get out of this slum except through transfering to another department. Where? Please tell me.

Random Thoughts

BECAUSE of stupidity I lost my entry for this day. HR asked me to open our corporate website ASAP. So I did only to find out that it had to launch on the same window where my blog is. I had no choice. When I went back my entry has already been erased. I lost one whole page. Now I have to start again somewhere.

CHRISTMAS was the last topic I wrote I think. Yes, it is Christmas and for me it would be a different one. I will be sharing it with someone already. I mean before it was all family and friends but now it will be with a wife. Yes! A different Christmas. I am excited in a way because we can spend it according to what we want and how we want to spend it. It won't be how our immediate family usually celebrate Christmas. Of course, we will still go to family gathering. I also like that. We will see. The sun is different during when Christmas comes. His ray doesn't hurt nor is it annoying in ones eye. The obvious indicator that it is Christmas is of course how cold it is during morning. Just a day ago I can sleep stright without a blanket but now I have to reach out for one. It is starting to get cold. Then the Christmas decor all around will make sure that you won't forget a single day that Christmas is near. I like Christmas because most people are happy especially the children. A time when people are willing to spend just to buy gift for people closest to their heart (or gifts for everybody as along as you extra money)

SUPER SLEEPY. Lack of sleep and too much activity last weekend. Now I am fighting to stay awake. Welcome back Marvin from the land of wonderland. I am waking up slowly. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....... it is 2:30pm

FANTASTIC. We visited a condo unit last Friday and it was really beautiful. I like it. We both like it. Our friend also gave us a good price so I guess we would at least spend a year living in a condo unit. No problem. It's actually a dream come true. I mean your home, just a few blocks away from your office. I don't need to bring the car. I don't have to wake up early to go to work. I don't have to bear the morning and late afternoon rush hour. I don't have to go home very late and not feeling relax in my own bed. It is near my favorite mall, a church etc etc etc. In other word, it is perfect. I will be living there starting November 27 and on December 2 I will be with my wife. Yahooooooo..: ) I don't have to sleep alone anymore. Though, I don't mean to say that I have an issue sleeping alone but to sleep and live life with the person whom you love. That's something else! What a life! This would be the best Christmas in my life so far. We will have another visit tomorrow. The first one caught us unprepared. I mean we were drooling because we were so awed that we would actually lived in that beautiful unit. By the way, maybe for some it would something ordinary but for us it won'tbe. Because, that would be the first time that me and Josephine would be living together under the same roof. This start is good.

BE PATIENT. I should stop myself from visiting other blogs even for curiosity sake. Why? Because theirs are created with artistic sense. Mine, a layout from somewhere. How can they do that? It frustrates me really. I have no time now but later on I will learn how to do it. Sme features are easy since I only have to download it but to create something on your on which could speak for you. In which other people could feel your character, personality. One day I will be able to do so.

FOUR THIRTEEN PM. You know what it means. It means I've written long enough and I am not doing anything. hehehehehehe... Oh, Im starting to hate this job. Save me somebody please! That's a different topic. Two hours and seventeen minutes to go and work is over here at SMART. Thank God Monday is finish! I will attend the prayer meeting tonight. I think I missed three already which means I haven't seen the people for quite sometime already. I like being in a community though I am not that committed but I still want to be part of it. Time to give worship to God. I hope I will hear Him tonight and see what He wants from me.

OH, MY JOB MY JOB. I have so much to say about what is happening in my career right now. I have many stories, blah blah and blah but maybe I won't say it. All Im hoping is that something happens to me in the coming weeks or months. I can forsee the future in this group. Though the task isn't challenging still it is not in my best interest to celebrate a not so challenging job. I feel I will just rot and get old in what Im doing now but the thing is Im still young. There is a slim chance of transfering back to Marketing where all the action are. I hope God would grant my request. There a chance but if God doesn't want me to move then I suppose it is good to stay here. I will leave it up to faith. I like to transfer if you ask me. I will not deny it. Right now, Im craving for something new in my job. I have done my part looking for new places but at the end I still want that God would bless what ever happens. That is more important to me than anything else. Nothing happened to me in this position this year. Wala. Zero. Nothing. I didn't gain anything, worst I feel I lost so many things. Even my simple place I don't have it. Ihad to swallow my pride and hoping it wont choke me. But the situation is killing me. My job is not a job.

END.

Thirty One Entries

The more I write here the more I am enjoying it.

Im 90% healthy. What an ordeal that I had to bear for several days! I thought I was dying as I was already thingking of terrible things. It gave me a hard time sleeping because at the back of my mind I was thinking I might not wake up anymore. Foolish.

I just saw the under 40 rich people of America. Men, how could they do that? It would probably take me a lifetime just to earn USD1,000,000.00. Maybe I won't. Though I am challenged by it. It is like, you know the usual cliche "If they can do it so can I..". I just need one good break, great timing and lots of perseverance. Im sure I will. I will I will I will I will I will I will I will.

I just need these two words to guide me all through out. But above all I will always ask for God's guidance. The day will come eventually. To be rich in something I want to do and in a way that could positively influence others in the long run.

Just two and half months to go and I will be married! *smiling* I like the thought of being married and I wouldn't mind spending countless hours discussing from non sense matters to what the meaning of life. I wouldn't mind holding her hands each day and each night for years and years to come. Nor would I mind getting old just being with her. I love her and I wouldn't trade my place to anyone or for anyone.

Im getting bored with job. I admit it fair and square.

Next year it will be a debt free year! No more loans except for the car which I still have to pay for the next three years. Other than that I will not incur anymore debts but I will rather look on ways how to expand my resources. I am tired having so many loans to take care of. Though, I appreciate experiencing it and learning from it. But I will change focus instead. I must learn how to find ways of earning other than my monnthly pay. I did earn something significant this year but I want it to be more consistent. No more debts I promise! It would be save and save and just save!

Sick poor me

Ive been sick since Tuesday and I hate every minute of it. I don't like being sick. It deprives me of so many activities and it is so frustrating. But why am I sick? Too tired, lack of rest, over fatigue, stressed. I think it is just my body telling me to STOP. Alright. But I do not want to be sick forever. May be a day or two is ok more than that Im going to be insane. Especially now that it Friday. Under normal circumtances, im suppose to play badminto tonight. Obviously, I can't. Then it is really hard for me to drive myself home so I had to ask my sister to drive for me which also means I can't wait for Josephine. See how being sick could ruin your schedule.

Im lost. I admit it. I don't know what direction to follow with my career. There is nothing much to do here except the thing I want to do. I mean no more projects or anything new. Same old crap. I thirst for new challenges. What keeps me going of course is the fact that I have to go on whether I like it or not. This is far more better than doing nothing. At the same time, Im going to be married soon. Im really looking forward. It would be a change and maybe that I am longing for right now. Two months from now and it would be the greatest event of my life after graduating from college. : )

Should we rent a condo near our office or do we dilegently go home to Marikina everynight! Those who vote for a condo, raise your hand!!! ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME!!!!
I just can't imagine myself living there in our old Marikina. I've been there for so many years and there is nothing in it really. The traffic is something else, bad roads and our house itself. Full of negativity. I must go so let's see.

got to go now.

Train Station 2

Comfort zone.

When we stay on a certain place or situation that it doesn't stimulate us to think or trigger a burst of energy, when we sit comfortably for too long and liking it, when an activity it becomes a routine and still liking it then you are in a zone of complacency. A place where growth is slow but you won't notice it by yourself. Is it wrong? Yes and no. If it is your final destination and maybe it is then go ahead and enjoy the fruits of your labor BUT if it is just one of the stations of your life. Wake up! Slap your face to see the reality. This is where your purpose, your vision will help you. That's why you should write your vision statement down. This will help you gauge where you are. What station you are currently staying, how much you have accomplished. It is like a map where it can pinpoint where you are.

If by chance you linger in a certain station, just check if you are already satisfied with your accomplishment. Evaluate yourself. If you want to stay there go ahead and if the end isn't that important to you as much as where you are currently standing then you don't have to move a foot. Most probably, you won't. Don't undersell and cheat yourself . You might be destined to greater heights. Your original vision statement will help you.

Train station

What if we have five (5) rest days and just two (2) working days? Lazy thought, unmotivated, nothing to do, uninterested, burnt out or plainly non sense.

Motivation starts in ones mind. Is it something that can be done instantaneously? Yeah, maybe but in this case how long will it last? It could disappear as fast as Siberian Tigers are disappearing. I don’t think a pure thought of being motivated could sustain it. Shallow. Then how could I make myself go back on track. Like any railroad track it ends somewhere. It may have several stations along the way but it will end eventually. If you ride a train just for the thrill of it, your interest and excitement will carry you through. The first station will be amazing… there is a wow experience but as hours pass by you might decide to disembark and quit. It is ok to stop there of course especially that’s all you want. After the emotions have dwindled and left you, there is nothing more to do but change and look for something interesting again. To do this every year of your life I am sure your inner being will be like longing for something, searching for a higher purpose than being driven by temporary satisfaction. What is it then?

Let’s go back to the train station and see it as your life and the journey would be like a train ride. Wow, a train ride of your life. A journey. Do you just want to have a journey? Or would you prefer a destination? Hmmmm.. you can’t choose only one. I think it has to be both but the destination for me destination is more important. Before you go on a journey, see your end destination. See it. Imagine it. Every detail, smell it right under your nose though it is still far. Visualize being there and imagine carefully how you would feel if you have reached the end. Close your eyes and imagine what is happening when you are there in your destination. Feel the excitement even before you reach it. Then as the door of the train opens, focus on your feelings (again). Are you about to cry out of joy? Make your first step as you go out. Then look around you and picture every detail of you want to see. Happy people around, clean surrounding, beautiful colors, sense the aura. Imagine if there will be people who will welcome you, see the happiness in their eyes, and feel the warmth of their embraces. That’s your destiny. Bottom line, visualize it up to the last detail.

What am I driving at? First, know where you want to go. This is always a personal decision. No one can make this for you. Write them down. Everything. Then to add flavor, make sure to include all the feelings. Im sure through the visualization exercise there would be different emotions so write them as well. Of course, you can do this to any of your goal or project. Along the way, there will be some distractions and lot of challenges. Part of the game. This thing that you have written will help you out.

Ok. Now I know what I should do. I have to clear the webs in my mind, cut the tall grasses and see once again the track I have prepared for my self and renew my commitment.

Next….. What to do while in the station?

When I am exhausted, I feel loose and disoriented.I know it. I drop things, my room becomes untidy, I have no time to not clean my car, I am so disorganized and yet I do not seem to care. AND, I don't like it. I hate it when things turn out this way. Because of this my mood is also affected. The more I am hating it now. I wish I can do something. Yeah, I know I must rest and stop for a while. maybe I will do that on Sunday. Wait, on top of these my spiritual life is on a downhill. Im losing myself. BUSY- Being Under Satan's Yoke. That's what my HS teacher used to say.

Bottom line, I have to act and address this unlikely scenario. Where should I start? That would be the first struggle. I have gather enough strength from within to overcome this. The Lord will help me and I will start with the Lord. Go to confession! Always start from within and it will fuel enough heat to propel to be above water again. Nevermind, if after few days I might fall again. That does not matter. I will focus on what I have to do now.

Yesterday, we watched Eternal Sunshine...blah blah. That was a different Jim Carrey. Not that deep but enough to stir some emotions especially for those who can relate to the story. Those whose relationship has ended, about to end or being tested. Memory of love was being erased through a computer....but at the end (like in any love story) love prevailed. I was with my Honey (Josephine) then with our Happy People friends Carla, Gayle Rochelle and Eric. After the movie, we ate at Italliani's. The food was good but the bill wasn't.. : ). Ok, it was all worth it, to spend time with good friends from time to time.

They got the 6:40pm schedule and instead of being excited we all got tensed and pressured. Because none of was really sure if we would be free by that time. Funny how we tried to squeeze the schedule. We decided to laugh at it. Yes, we missed the first few minutes of the movie.

Chapter 31 verse 2

Everyday, Im getting old. I already reached the 31st chapter of my life. All of us make his or her own story. Every story is unique and interesting and it would really depend on how you read it. But no one should judge others stories.