Relaxation technique by Josephine

January is over. Good bye! I kept myself busy but maybe not enough. Or maybe it was. There were times that I have so many concerns inside my head. If you split my brain into two, there you will see all the things that beg for my attention. There was a time when I asked Josephine what she was thinking because she was just staring blankly. I was intringue to know of course. It could be a problem or something. She said, "Nothing". Can that be possible??? (Nope, we weren't fighting or had an argument before the blank stares). I asked more and probe what exactly was she thinking. Still she said nothing. She wasn't thinking of anything at all. I can't believe it. If I stop talking and be quiet, most probably I would spend it thinking of something. What I have done so far in that day, my plans, concerns, funny things, what kept me busy, basketball games, politics, problems of the world... etc etc., in other words I have so many uncessary "thought issues" that are sometimes unnecessary. Yeah, it is good to know but sometimes I must learn not to entertain such thoughts. Live for the moment.

Anyway, going back to my wife. Ok, what was Josephine thinking at that moment? She shared to me her thought at last. She said that she is glad that she is home on a soft bed resting and it feels good to by just lying and relaxing. Not having to think of anything important but to rest. Whoa. whoa. whoa whoa.... I never did that ever! Whenever I am about to sleep I think of...you know the story.. so that's the reason why my wife can sleep peacefully in a jeepy. Imagine I learned something simple and yet so important. I felt sad that all throughout my life, that's not how I sleep. I should learn to relax then.

I'm happy that my YM is back. I can chat with my sister, Mariel once again. Almost five long years since I've last seen her. She is now 14 yrs old. Good thing is allowed to use the internet and I have access in the office too. Hmmmm... I feel that she is doing fine. She has straight A's. I haven't heard any complaints from our parents. Unlike me when I was still young.. hahhahahahaahahhahaha.. I was there headache. But I want to believe that I turned out ok eventually. :)

Time to end it. Thank you, Lord for January and I love everything that I learned during that month and I welcome February. There is so much to look for this month. Feb. 2 will be our 8 yr anniversary as bf/gf. The day when we both gave our commitment to one another. Feb. 7 is Princess' birthday and how time flies. She's an adult now. Feb. 14 is Valentines day. And Who knows, maybe this month Polo will arrive. :)

Why, why and why

"Let us rid ourselves of ourselves of every burden and sin that clings to us and persevere in running the race that lies before us while keeping our eyes fixed on Jesus"- Heb 12:1-4

Sometimes I feel like exploding. Like.... right now. You know, just to let go of this anger or emotion that that want to rule over me. I am patient and remains subdued. How long should I wait??? Or keep to myself?? Me, a diplomatic and respectful citizen of this world. Mahirap, because sometimes I just brush it aside and forget all about it. The thing is when it happens, I know that this feeling is getting bigger. A monster within me.

What's wrong? I resent somethings but I am not willing to share it publicly so here it goes my expression in another language.

1. dkaadfadf;akd adfajdkfjadk ajd anweo waaljd atkadlf ad akdfoaid famdkwpsdkf asd akdjfa dj adfalkdfalkdujfia 'woetn gikd agdlsp al ang dksp reila spajdlfai s alksena t'aeout ansdofga'jiaen f aosdkngas pbaulaskd fayd'wp na ahdlnni and faidla dfgausela alauerpw la saiw wlaaldfaol fa d adflkjasioe ka adfoajdfkauwpwuteit349ns ap9eu ekha 9 sla fgaso siaaljg a;;a ang;a ad habapasdp[af adfladfb aodikjasd fpas whia sndopa amoia a;ljdfa andiwp0tnh alajdn gkaia bng ang gjdiag naig al gaudw934'ja af's ednad ahtapasdkjfat hauy7=wej ahdjdf (hmmm i feel better). assepwetb ai asi tee japsdo tpo lajsuit laudlfhasien the ahalg a gae;ojwp ti asaowetrhing ahtsldkfja smoe a;sdjfadf hakjoiw wiha ap[ . hawperja athas tald fa;dlmfa df;aldf o fuias;ldfa.

2. adfjalsdfdpo that i sla sdf aorapoe asdjfas dfa hdaldkfaid ia lasndfpao andalda][-dhf akdhuw aspowjp9oe akdnf aidhfaldkj akladfa[pdabyflkjoiad aidjad aeakjfla dhtalk dakh;is ahofia alka;iuae lkdfid fnca ata ake;aoskasdg alasdhas asidkf asdif asdf' tghasdf ahasdk. kajdfjaidfaeasd dfadkfjadpoiadkfakjui9a da'lkjdfkadfj daljafdifwead akldfjaidfajhdfa' aidjfa'oh8we834j' 83 a'jfadiuf aejakdfahd8fa wejdfaejaoi a9dfua'djfa9is adjfa9sd fa'jadfiadf adfy283r'kdjf a8edjfkajd aiakjdf aiouakdjfaiod falkej90dfakjadaj faojdkjfaidfa 'jadfj'ajs9we'pajf'apodja9 a'djad'paojsf aodjfa9sd 'asdjfadf a'djfa8idf a'we3j aufa'dfjadfua 'aodjfagepojh sdhfa;eih adfiahdf8e n iahdf;oahdf aeifd faid fad8ifw khfaja aghase akdhf8a akjf9aew a'9239r nhasdif8hase9 f'hadf a'eihasd fatakajdf

3. adfiouad9 a9a ao9s ataiga aitgai89 athaspoj83 adhfa8d aew oidfoiahd82 y23'u rqeiruqw[r89q e9u fdaifa90udfad w9urqe..dfaodjfa0[894 fadfa84 'dkfua89d a'2938r ofjas8udeoae af'aodf84 dfkja aeskndiad 49 i'ajafjkfgkjdfgu9s galdjiaudf a'dpouf9ae dka 'fiuad faiaeudasdkdht0[0ad ajtek askladpoa as'poui209 adfad aidfa plnadfkadf akdfiauw asdlfasdifa sdfnaeiwi asidnaseiw90wrnea sdifja'sdioujfa jwiah ap;ljk9a takle ja'kdljfo9as anduat wenskdit lkwit a'aiwuer auietras dif akan d. neepokpdjfa' dfiahsu8e8w5y23 soti4he aodhfasidf adkdka apdjakdfj a8erwp'eja dfjhaiojad fa'dfjadiojfa ajfad aknhdfalj faoiy kadf;ha8w3 asidfuaksma 2p83 aopdfjadfa dfiadfha7dqa aduj fa8 asdkfaio dfasldfkjau74ajh7a kjdah7df a8uw asadfaad adfkjadui adfadfuakadadfha

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whew!! that feels great!! nope, dont try to dicepher because i just randomly stroke the keys so there is no way anyone can really intrepret this. it will not make any sense. I know it's substance but if wil let me translate it, it would be impossible. Later on, I might not even remember what this is all about. :)

Basta, I feel better and I said my piece with respect. :)

Weekend Tidbits

Josephine's surprise baby shower (Saturday)
Pia/Tin, you should've been there! : ). She cried! hehehehe

I guess that must be my first successful "surprise" for Josephine. It was darn hard to keep it to myself and I got nervous each passing day before the shower event. Because, I have the tendecy to give clues to Josephine and I can't because she will be able to connect all my weird behavior. She didn't!! hahahahaa and she thought it was Tyronne's bday celebration! Then lo and behold, our friends were there to surprise her. : )

The guests were: Chi and Dandy, Mian, Corr, Dodie, Abbie, Eloy, Jojo B., Puchete, Rad, Baby Isabela (here two Yaya's) and of course the Mara and Tan's. Thanks to the organizers! Joane and Princess! :) Good good.

Now, my little boy needs his own cabinet! He has a lot of stuff already and it is occupying a lot of space in our cabinet. I'm sure my clothes will be the first to go. hehehehe. Josephine has already started making patches for our baby's clothes. Of course, she will not be able to needle all of his name in one small patch or even his little clothe! :) He has afterall a long name.

Pre natal class (Sunday)

Three more weeks to go and we will graduate! hehehehe. I was teasing Josephine, what if you give birth before we can even finish this class? Are we going to fail? No WAY!!! :) I will attend the class still and I am sure that they will find it strange that my pregnant wife isn't with me. hahahaha.. But I want to finish it. ( I wish I have the same attitude when I was still studying! )

Imagine, Josephine will be in her 36th week tomorrow! Whoa............Whoa...........whoa........ It means, she can give birth anytime now! How we wish we can predict when! But that would certainly ruin all the action and drama and comedy of the whole thing! :) I like the class because aside from learning and understanding a lot about pregnancy, I can feel this certain confidence that we will just do fine. It is like we are prepared mentally and emotionally but of course I understand that I can not really compare it to the real thing.

Yesterday, I saw a father and a son. What caught my attention was how youg the boy is. Maybe he is around 9-10 years old while his father is already in his 40s. Me? When my first born is 10 years old then I will also be in my 40s. hahahahaha.. same thing. "Go son, get the ball while I wait for you here (resting)!"Oh, darn he isn't tired yet!" " Let's play ball, first to five (5) only!". "Why don't we just play chess" Oh, Wow! Chess will be our sport then! hahahahahaha....

On a deeper level, I realized that if the average life span of Filipinos (male) is let's say around 65 years old then I have reached half of my life already! Whew! What a race this life is! First of all, I am happy how I turned out to be (so far..: ) ). Maybe not in the standard of the human eyes but just my own eyes. It isn't perfect but I know beyond all of this, God loves me! That's it! For the first half of my life, I know and I have felt God's presence in my life. It dawned on me, that really there is no sense to fool around in one's life. Life is just too short. There shouldn't also be no rooms for anger and unforgiveness because it could really waste a lot of good opportunities.

Anyway, I guess it is time to get busy with my second half of my dear life.

To know Christ more and more for the next 3o+ years of my life
To be a faithful and loving husband to Josephine
To be a good example to my children by being a Christian father to them
To do my best to serve my commnunity/country in what ever way I can (no pressure..: ) )

"Those who are called may receive the promised eternal inheritance" from Heb 9:15,24-28

Rule in the Midst of Your Enemies

"Rule in the midst of your enemy" -Psalm

Strong, bold and direct divine instruction! But it had me thinking for a few thought seconds. God, I do not really have identified enemies. Do I have any? Hmmm... let me look around here. Who are my enemies and I will rule over them. hahahahaha. Okay, I didn't need to wander around looking for enemies or creating one. I realized that "enemies" can be viewed as the things that hinder me to praise Jesus. Things that I do habitually which separate me from God.

It struck me that this is harder. My own is enemy is myself. : (. Ok, I am not yet physically hurting myself just yet. No need for any straight jacket. After awhile, I did see my "internal enemies". God sees them too and they are my weaknesses and yet Jesus said "RULE IN THE MIDST OF YOUR ENEMY". He didn't say that "rule your enemy".

I admit Lord my weaknesses. Those that I am aware of and those maybe I haven't realized just yet. But Jesus, Your trust in me push me to focus on what lies ahead. The banner says, "Jesus' Year!". I will not look forward to serve my King. Jump over those bad habits, climb over those sins, swim across the turbulent emotions. No, not these can stop me from knowing this year. I dedicate this year to you Lord, every month, every week, every day! I persist and thrust myself to Your loving arms everyday! I am not afraid because I know I will not fail. I see you now and I know I will still see you at the end. I believe in my heart that you will open my eyes. You will give me a wider horizon, a clearer view of who You are.

Lord, let me praise you everyday. In everything I do let it always be for Your greater glory and nothing else.

Amen.

Waiting for Polo

Oh, we saw our little kiddo. Shy or annoyed at first (he was covering his face with his two arms) and the Doctor even discouraged us to have the 4D. But NO!!! We waited several months and we had several discussions until we decided to have this 4D.

The doctor showed to us what Polo was doing and we were a bit sad because we can not see his face then the doctore told us that Josephine can try walking for five minutes and see if he will move his arms. I was the timer and it was more than five minute of walking (hehehehehe).. The technician checked our little boy. Half successful! One arm was still covering his face. The technician then shook Josephine's tummy and asked her to cough. After several attempts, there he was. sleeping. like a........ baby. :) They said he looked like me. Oh no, not another Marvin in this world!! hehehehe. He was mostly pouting and frowning but we managed to see a simple smile from my son. Yipee...:) Priceless!!! (good thing I have my Visa citibank card.. hahahahaha). I will not post his alien-look picture just yet. We will wait when he is out of the tunnel. :)

Another whew, we are attending pre-natal classes and there are four more early Sundays to go. Informative yup and it is also nice to hear other's experiences while the women are pregnant and also to see my fellow males supporting their wives. Though, it made me think about others especially those who do not have access to these programs. Four more weeks to go and we will have a certificate and by that time I hope I will be more ready to be part of the whole labor and delivery activities. Not just someone who is waiting.

My lola is here and so does my cousin who has been living in US for quite a while. It was the first time that she met Josephine. My first time to see little Adam. On Friday, my brother in law will arrive as well and it will be the first time that Mamang and Dandy will see each other. Feel good about everything. My cousin, Ate May was able to read our contribution in Didache. Cool. :)

My Citibank

Yes, I got my citibank card after weeks and weeks of waiting. The funny thing is, I got it the day I published my previous post. Too late but still appreciated. I asked some simple questions to the messanger who delivered my card.

1. Was it hard to look for me that you have to dial my local several times? Answer: No, Sir.
2. Did I make you wait? Answer: No, Sir.
3. How many times did you try to deliver this card to me? Answer: Just today, Sir.
4. Weren't you the one who attempted to deliver it to me before? Answer: No, Sir.
5. Do you belong to the same courrier/company? Answer: No, Sir.

I rest my case your honor. I told you I like citibank and there is a certain feeling of being a citibank cardholder. I do even appreciate the reminders from their collection dept when I am about to be deliquent (because I do not receive my bills on time. OK, now I am more conscious of my billing cycle unlike before when I just wait and pay.but Man, it costs me so much).

However, when it is time to replace my card..whoa whoa whoa... I hope I wont lose my card, break it, or receive another upgrade... my card will expire on 2009... whew!!!! It was really a night mare..night mare..night mare.... I was able to use my card the following day until yesterday and I even used it to pay for our elec bills.... I forgive my citibank.. but I will not forget this experience..

CITIBANK CARD: MY FIRST HEADACHE in 2007

During the latter part of November 2006, I received a phone call from a very excited and pleasant Citibanker. He was happy to inform me that I was qualified to be upgraded from a silver card holder to a Gold card holder! I (and my little, simple joys ) was delighted of this news even if I do not really know or care to know the differences between the two. Well, for me I already have a credit card and that's about it. Even with so many horror stories about having one. Of course, during the early part of my life I also struggled maintaining one. What's with high credit limit but just earning minimum.

Anyway, going back to my new upgraded citibank gold card. I agreed to be upgraded but as early as that first call I carefully explained my sad experience with new cards particularly in receiving them so I gave the person instructions and expressed my concern that I do not want to wait too long to receive my new card. The citibanker guaranteed me, promised me, assured heaven and earth that card will be at most be delivered in two weeks. Ok. fine with me. At least that will be just in time for Christas shopping. The only time in the year when one is authorized to shop and shop (with my wife) and I plan to charge them all to my credit card to earn points since I just received citibank's holiday rewards brochure. I was motivated.

Then after two weeks, I called to follow up on my card. Here started my nightmare. I heard a familiar EXCUSE... my card was with their courier and it might take another week or two for them to deliver it. TWO WEEKS AGAIN! I calmly (again) expressed my concern about not being able to use for Christmas and also I asked if I can still use my old card. I can't because they already disconnected it because of the new gold card. From being delighted to sadness...

It was already late and impossible to use my card and I lost the opportunity to gain points. I either paind cash or used my AIG card (which I plan to discontinue). Ok ok ok I was resigned to my fate and understood the problem. THEIR COURRIER.

My gollywow. Citibank is allowing its courrier to damage its reputation. Up until now, they say that my card is with their courrier. I already spoke to a customer care and filed an online complaint. All I ever have is "Sir, we are sorry that you are frustrated and disappointed. Rest assured that it is being properly handled by the group in charge" aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I ALREADY RECEIVED THIS REMARK A MILLION TIMES WITH CITIBANK! WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING WITH YOUR COURRIER VENDOR???? ARE ALLOWING THEM TO SCREW UP YOUR SERVICE?!!! DONT YOU HAVE ANY SLA (service level agreement) WITH THIS COMPANY???? COMMON, ANY SIMPLETON WOULD KNOW THAT THEY ARE JUST FOOLING A FORTUNE 500 COMPANY!!!

To make matter worst, yesterday I received a letter from citibank yesterday (January 9, 2007)DATED NOVEMBER 30, 2006, congratulating me for the upgrade!!! Are you insulting me? How far will you let this happen??? I am an ordinary client of yours yes! I can't promise that I will rack up my bills and keep your company in good shape! But still I strive to pay my bills and I do.

As a mentioned in my email to citibank, I can not longer distinguish if I am just being loyal to citibank OR I AM BEING STUPID FOR THIS LOYALTY CRAP. I sent an angry (though no profanity in it) letter to them already last Friday, Jan 5 and I receive a reply last Monday. BUT NOTHING IS HAPPENING!!!!!

What else??? I haven't forgotten that I ALREADY HAD THIS UNFAIR TREATMENT FROM CITIBANK LAST YEAR (EARLY PART OF THE YEAR). YEAH, SAME YEAR. AGAIN, IT WAS BECAUSE OF THEIR SPOLIED COURRIER. Nope. Their favorite courrier wasn't able to deliver the card to me. I had to pick it up in their Makati office but I have to show them proof that I was going out of the country???? what??? Ok, because I was about to leave them, I didn't argue and just patiently went to their Makati office and showed them my passport and ticket.

I offered them a solution because they said their courier people can not just leave it to our receptionist or to anyone. They can't (daw) find me as they tried calling my local number. Hey, we have two receiving area here but I only have one phone, I never received any calls from our guard, I tried my best not to leave my area for the last four weeks as I have not scheduled any meetings yet JUST FOR ME TO MAKE SURE THAT I WONT MISS THE CALL.

I told them they can give their courrier my MOBILE NUMBER AND THEY CAN CALL OR CAN EVEN JUST SEND SMS TO ME to make sure that I will be able to GET MY CARD. BUT NO NO NO NO NO NO.... THEY ARE NOT (daw) ALLOWED TO DO SO... WHAT??? WHY??? FOR PHP1??? AND I AM ALREADY GIVING MY CONCENT TO DIVULGE MY MOBILE NUMBER?? SO, WHAT ELSE WILL YOU DO??? NOTHING?? NO CREATIVE SOLUTION GIVEN!!!

i have to stop here. i dont want CITIBANK to ruin my day further. I am still mad.

Just for today

"He commands even the unclean spirits and they OBEY Him" - from MK1:21-28

Nothing is impossible with God. I am amazed at how He works. Right now, even if we can not attend the weekly prayer meeting I thank God for letting me know that He is still with me. By His grace, I am able to read His words. By His grace alone. I need Him to keep me sane and for me to know that He loves me so much.
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Owning a dog (or pets) is a big responsibility. It is not just cute to have one and when its cuteness dies it does not mean that we should stop giving proper attention to our beloved pet. A dog for me should be treated as part of the family and not just an outsider or a mere animal. It is like below maybe the children, would be the dogs.

I don't know. Maybe I grew up surrounded by dogs and I have many good memories of our dogs upto the last dog that we had. I can remember when "Bondying" didn't come home one day, we were all upset and sad. There was this feeling of loss and we did grieve for him. Then one day, he returned. Dirty,filthy, smelly etc., but his return brought unexplainable joy to our hearts.

When he permanently left us (huhuhuhuhuhuhu), I really got emotional. I missed him until now. He was a funny,thoughtful, protective,loving, sweet, gentle, always smiling dog. I remember when my sister was still young (maybe 4 years old), she would laugh whenever she looks at Bondying.... at first we never paid attention to her laughter but then it became consistent. I mean she laughed at Bondying whenever she saw him. We asked her Mariel why she was laughing and she said it wasbecause Bondying was laughing also at her. hahahahahahahahahahahaha.. Imagine a dog with his tongue sticking out. Mariel all along thought that our dear dog was laughing. hahahahahahaha... Well, he did look like laughing all right.

Whoa... stop this. Now, I don't just miss our dog but I miss my little sister (who is a teenager already) as well................ :( I also miss the mother and sister of Bondying. I have to stop this thread......
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My little boy is kicking and kicking. Everytime he does that it assures me that he is just doing fine though I also do not find pleasure that my dear wife is the one in the receiving end. The kicks are getting stronger each day that passes by and it is hurting Josephine. It will be over anytime now. Just a little more days, a few more sleep and Polo will be with us. Yahooooooo... Actually, we will see him this Friday. Josephine and I decided to have a 4D of our little boy. Can't wait to see him.:)

Bible reading

"If someone who has worldly means sees a brother in need and refuses him compassion how can the love of God remain in Him?" from 1st rdg 1Jn3:11-21

Yehey, I've started reading the bible again. Discipline of the Word. It makes sense. How will I be able to hear God's instruction if I don't find time to read the bible. Well, everything now is in the internet. No more excuses unlike before. I hope God would instill in me the need to hear Him out every morning before I do anything. That I may listen and follow Him like how the first disciples did when they found Jesus. Dropped everything and simply followed Jesus.

I know that it isn't simply reading the bible just like a newspaper or any reading materials. I must have in my heart the desire to know His word for me. Must be committed to know Him through this. Otherwisem, I know that whatever I read will just pass through and forgotten..

I wish whatever I read will make me relfect the wholeday not to the point that I will just stare blankly but everything will come out on how I deal with other people, how I work, how I react etc.,

Thank you Lord and I ask for you patience and mercy so I will be able to do this everyday.

Amen

Sleep deprived (practicing..: ) )

I had trouble sleeping last night. My back ache a little bit but it was enough to keep me awake. Actually, after reading stories to Polo, I was able to doze off but then I woke up after maybe 30 minutes after that, I can't sleep anymore. I got conscious with my back and all the things I was hearing got me irritated.

I tried several techniques to sleep and at the end it was a good book that lead me to wonderland. During my restlessness, I thought of my own father. How we are now. Who we were then. His influences to me. The things he did for our family during abundance and lean season. How he take cares of us, especially my mother. Nope, I don't think I am that close to Dad. But in fairness, I never felt that he favor anyone among his children. Even Mariel. His treatment to us all was the same. Maybe I will try to write about Dad another time. I just want to share my realization last night.

First, I forgive you, Dad. I dont hold you responsible for any failures or distress that came to my life along the way. Whether you were directly or indirectly involved. I set you free. I don't blame you. Looking at us four, we turned up just fine. We weren't scarred or have wounds that can't be healed. I know that you did your best for us and I do appreciate everything especially now. There were misunderstandings before but I guess it was really part of any relationships. Yeah, I admit that your words pierced my heart before and it did affect my whole well being. Even that, I have already forgiven you for those were the moments that humbled me to the ground. My wings were clipped and I needed to stay put. Not to be defeated but to re-focus my life. Do I regret it now? No. I learned so much. Believe it or not but it lead me to God and God took over my life since then. I've come to acknowledge His presence and the fruit of it all was love. See. If at the end of everything just made one to be close to God then it isn't bad after all. God healed everything and He made me realized so many valuable things. When Dad and I had the "major talk" of our lives, I gave up everything and just followed his counsel. I returned to my family since and life eventually opened a new beginning.

Second, I will tell story about you to my own son. I guess, I never heard my dad sharing to us his life with our grandfather. For me, I will make sure that my children will get to know his grandparents and admire them. I will teach my children to give proper respect to their grandparents.

Finally, I ended everything with a prayer for our parents.

When Jesus was on earth, His words were all about His Father. May I be able to emulate Jesus throughout my life.

My first in 2007

"Leave all the baggages behind, change your clothes into new ones. Wear your new booths. Then with high spirits move on. This will be a great year! A year of fulfillment and abundance."

I used to fear the unknown. There was a time when I could feel panic running through my veins and slowly the worst of things that could happen to me starts to creep in my mind. Fear sets in and I get lost in a world of confusion.

This changed a long long long time ago. It was not because of any mortal soul here on earth why I can now embrace uncertainties. No. No. Not my own effort. Maybe the situation was a hotline to God. Basta. One thing lead to another. Miracles overlapped whatever I had then. Yeah, it was a difficult and painful transition. I made it. God made it happen.

I noticed the big difference when Josephibe and I got married. People then asked me if I getting married scares me. Giving up so many things and threading into the unknown with another being forever. Nope. It didn't. I was excited to walk Josephine down the aisle. If giving up means getting this much then it isn't difficult surrendering after all. This year, another something new is about to happen. I will enter the world of Fatherhood. I'm excited and I accept it with my whole heart.

My plan this year? Jesus, what's your plan for me? :) I offer to God this year and so my plans are with my Boss. I just ask God the grace for me to able to recognize Him and be obedient. Of course, I have longings and wishes and I already shared it with Him and eventually surrendered them all to Him. I am just after being close to God this year. I want to know Him more, to feel Him more, to walk with Him and listen to Him each day.

Juan Paolo Andrei M. Agustin

Sleek. A name of a gentle and yet strong person. That's my impression. Someone who will be great and will be given big responsibilities. All because he can handle it at ease. I see someone who will think of God first before anything else. He will let God reign in his pure heart and mind and will let others see God in Him. Whatever he decides to pursue, he will achieve it excellently.

Behind his achievement, he will offer his sweetest smile to anyone and everyone. Discriminating no one. His influence will be greater than what i have achieved or anyone that I know of. Yet, at the end of the day, he will not be ashamed to bow and humble himself towards God.

Polo. I know you will achieve a lot. I believe in you. I do promise you that I will not let my life, my frustration, my dreams, my disappointment be your life. It will be your life. I will just guide you and push you not to accept a mediocre life. But who knows you may realize this by yourself.

Basta. I will be a father to you. No matter what.

Book worms

I bought several books the other night. Good ones. Two books for Jaz as our Christmas gifts. I bought one for Mommy Josephine. Another one for my self and then there a "booklet" that Josephine has requested.

I bought a book, Spiritual Direction by Fr. Hneri Nouwen (though his students were the one who have made into a book) and currently reading John Olsteen's Devotional Book, Your life now. The two are compliment each other to support what I wish to be next year. 2007 is Jesus' year for me. I hope to discipline myself in acknowledging God's guidance in my life. I mean everything I do, I hope would be in accordance to God's will and desire for me and my family. My North star. Easy? I'm sure it will not be. But I'm excited. I hope that my personal relationship with God will notch up from where I am now.

Yup. That's right. All my plans, I pray will be aligned to what God wants me to do especially now that I am going to be a father. Who else could mentor me to be one but Him alone. I do want to offer Him 2007.

When I woke up

My dear child,

I felt you moving inside your mommy's womb. I see. That's why she can't help but feel the sharp pains caused by your sudden movement. Your a big boy now! It was just a few sleeps ago when we first felt you. At that time it was "cute". Now, it is no joke to your mommy anymore. Your bond with your mother has started the moment you were conceived and it is developing into a very special one. Sometimes, I see her touching her tummy even though she is asleep. I know it is her way to calm you or affirming you that everything is just ok. Also, maybe she want's you to sleep because you move a lot. I also see her talking to you.

That, my son is your mother's love for you. She will always have that special connection with you that not even I will be able to understand. Her life, she is giving to you freely already while I only can but witness this love between and a mother and her son develop. Sometimes in the silence of night I fear the whole thing. I feel helpless in what you and your mom are going through. God taught me to be patient and this time He has given me a big test and that I have to wait for a whole nine months. I admit that I become restless whenever worries hit me. It is hard. I can only offer my hands and emotional support to your mom but other than that it would be between the two of you. What makes me go back to my senses? Mama Mary and Jesus.
I think of them and comfort comes. My helplessness lead me directly to Jesus' love. It is like a hotline to Him. He never fails to answer it. Fears, worries and helplessness are replaced by peace, assurance, hope and ultimately love. A love that God can only give.

Thank you my dear child. If only I can express into words what I am feeling right now. I am a man who became a husband and now a father. Do I know how to be one? No. not yet. Time will teach. While we your mom and I sometimes discuss what you will be when you grow up (I'm a parent na nga.. :) ), a lawyer, an engineer, a doctor, a la sallian, a basketball player..etc etc., we know that it couldn't be ours to plan. We will guide and support you as much as we could even if entails big sacrifices we will not mind. I only want you to grow up to be a Man of God someday. My role to you as I have imagined last night is to be a bridge between you and God. That one day you will be able to meet Him and develop a personal and special relationship with. When that comes, we will be assured that we've done our part and that we will know hat you will be alrught. May my words and actions let you see Him in me. He is afterall your real Father.

I love you my dear child. A love that I haven't felt before. It is something different. I will allow myself to jump into this river of love.... I know this is how much God loves me. That's through you. Thank you.

little bit of sharing

Christmas is a season not only of giving gift but of eating as well! We eat and eat and eat. I remember that I gained more than five pounds last Christmas and I wasn't able to lose it anymore. Here I go again. There is literally food everywhere. Not yet over. Eating has just begun.

Praise God. We only need to control our Christmas expenses and then we are assured of being able to afford our baby's entry to the world. Thank You, Lord for all the blessings! Thank God for giving us this work. We are ready.

My thought today

We are not done yet with gift wrapping and gift giving or even buying gifts. Christmas rush, cramming! That's what we are now. Cristmas crammers! I can say that we are just half finished and because we do not have money yet for the nth part of our shopping, we are more focused on wrapping and giving gifts.

By the way, I finally have my first Starbucks' 2007 planner. Now, what am I going to use it for. For meetings, microsoft calendar is already available. For journals, I have this blog. For birthday and special occassions reminders, I have my phone to remind me and it comes with a sound.

I guess, I will go back in time when I still love using a planner. It was a must for me to have one otherwise I can't start a year. It helped so much when I was in college as I study and became very active in extracurricular activities. But now???

I will use it. :)

I am happy that I was able to settle my financial obligations. I mean, I am managing our finances better than how I did it before. I know that this skill will come in handy starting next year especially now that we are having a baby. There are still things we hope to improve next year.

Whew, what a tiring year this has been. Isn't it? I dont know about you? But for me it was. Or maybe it comes with age. Hey, I am not that old yet but I can feel fatigue creeping everyday. It is like in the afternoon all my energy has been sucked. Lesson. I have to be carefull on how I spend my energy. Useful or useless activities? At the same time, I know that I have to aim to stay fit next year. When before I can sleep late (even very late) for several days but now?? I can't. One sleepless night is equivalent to several days of restlessness. How sad?

This is one of the important lessons that I should be more conscious about next year.

I still have the interview. I thought it was dead. It is still alive and promising.

Christmas is coming in 7 days

Another year is about to end. I do am looking forward to a "NEW" year. Very new indeed for me and my wife because it will be the year when we become parents. Though, before I dismiss the remaining days of December, I'd rather make each day a good one. Hey, next week is Christmas and that is something that I shouldn't miss at all. So, 2007 please wait for awhile. I will not plan for 2007 yet. Maybe I will on December 30.

What are my Chirstmas' wishes?

1. I really pray that Josephine and our child will be healthy and safe until he comes out.
2. Digital Camera. The serious type. :)
3. 200 Gigabytes portable hard disk.
4. My pair of Christmas' levi's pants
5. New clothes (but not that many)
6. Filing cabinet (home) for all our important personal documents.
7. My Starbuck's 2007 planner (which I might claim this week).
8. Our wedding album
9. Starbuck's thermos

I guess that's about it. The first is not just a wish but more of a prayer. More than anything else I really really pray for my family to be ok. The others well, not all that important just some materialistic list which may or may not come but will not affect me so much. Some though are important like our wedding album.

Greenhills away
Last Saturday, I didn't fight it anymore but I just went along with my wife and my mother in law and braved the traffic going to Greenhills plus the additional headache of looking for a parking space. We did fine. We were able to buy a lot of stuff. We only stopped when I only had Php500 left in my wallet. Shopping isn't over yet. We will once again go to Greenhills this Saturday.

Parties everywhere

It started last week with our Dept's party. There will be a few more this week but once again we decided not to go to our company's christmas party. I think this would be the 3rd time that we won't be going. All in all we just managed to attend to two annual parties of our company.

We had a simple get together/dinner with friends last Sunday. We went to our newly wed friend's unit in Manansala. Everyone brought food. Unfortunately, Josephine and I arrived late as we had to wrap gifts in the morning, cooked food and attended the Sunday's mass. When we arrived at their place, we had a quick dinner because everybody went to the nearby starbuck's to watch George Gabriel perform.

This saturday we will have another get together with friends and this time it will be held at the De Guzman's residence.

Busy week and a busy Christmas schedule.

Your love for me

My greatest fear is to lose You
Not because You willl leave me but
Because I might fail to recognize You
That I would learn to ignore You

Sometimes I feel how will it end
That one day, I just fail to think of You
Days into weeks and then I just let myself
Be lost in this crowded world

But Your undying love, Jesus promises forever
No distance is far enough
No time is long enough
No winter is cold enough

Oh Jesus, Your love remains unchanging
Reaching out to my heart whenever I fail to see Your Face
Holding me in Your arms, embracing me

Lord, let me praise You everyday
Let me see your Glory above all else
I want to serve You and remain true to You
I want to be with You, Lord.
Everday...........

Allowed to be me

What would it be like to praise You all day
To let my heart be close to you
To raise my hands to glorify You
Sing to You songs of praise
Oh, I will let myself be lost in Your presence

In all that I do, I will keep You my constant companion

I surrender all and give it to You everything with open arms

There is nothing in this world that is more important to me

But just to be with You

Tomorrow will be full of hope

There will always be light as I wake up everymorning

I know I believe everything will be alright

You are with me and I will not be afraid

You are a friend to me Jesus

You offered your friendship first

You accepted me even if I have not replied right away

Lord, how good You are

So, I wish to praise you all day

Share it to those who is longing for You

Or even in my quiet time, I will long for You

I love You Jesus

I Praise God

I surrender to God, my Father
All uncertainties, my plans, my life
I am glad I have found you

You are the light in a starless night
A cool wind on a summer day
I am happy that you are around

I am a child and forever I will seek you
Your wisdom and guidance let me see
I trust my life to you

Father, let me fly to the world
Let me see your glory far and beyond
I only wish to glorify and praise you all my days

Where ever I am I will honor you
For you deserve to be lifted high
Nonone else Father but You

Just a short note

Two weeks from now Josephine and I will be our celebrating our two years of marriage! Clap, clap, clap, clap.. thank you thank you. Cheers to all who are part of our lives. Our families and friends and most especially to God!

One thing about our marriage. It is fun and full of learning. First year was getting to know each other and having to sleep and wake beside a wonderful person. No problemo. It is the best thing in this world. I end my day with my wife and opening my eyes to a new day seeing her first before anyone else. Perfect. Second year allowed us to learn more about our families. Josephine helped me a lot to be in constant communication with my family including my tita's and tito's. I saw my own family in a different light while I was able to discover more about my in-laws. Then our third obviously will be about starting our own family. Because by next year, we will have a little Marvin or a little Josephine (next week we will know : ) ). I am looking forward for another year of being with my own family. Praise God.

To go or not to go

To accept or not to accept

To risk or not to risk

Questions that I should answer in the days to come. Am I afraid. A bit. With these big questions and life altering decisions, I know to whom to turn to. Not now, not ever will I do it by myself. Lord, I surrender these our fate to you alone. I lift this up to you with openess and acceptance. Your will be done. Thank you.